Target Decision-Maker
The Internet, Future Historians, and People Who Like Clicking Buttons

The Problem

There is a massive, gaping void on this webpage. Specifically, the counter that tracks how many people have signed this petition is dangerously low. It is currently missing your name, which is a structural flaw in the universe we simply cannot ignore.

The Evidence

According to 100% of the data compiled right now, petitions without signatures are just text blocks sitting lonely on a server. Studies show that clicking the big red button satisfies the primal human urge to feel productive without actually getting up from the couch.

The Personal Impact

Imagine the emotional toll of scrolling past this. You will always wonder: "What if I had clicked it? Would the numbers have gone up?" Yes. Yes, they would have. Do not live with that heavy burden of regret.

The Demand

We demand that you immediately comply with the following actions:
Move your cursor or thumb toward the sign button.
Type your name (or a convincing alias).
Click confirm.
Ignore the part where they ask you to donate money unless you really want to. 

Why This Matters

If we do not reach our goal, absolutely nothing will change. The world will keep spinning, your coffee will still get cold, and the algorithm will move on. But if we win, we will have successfully created a list of names of people who looked at a button and said, "Yeah, alright, I'll click it."