Hi, my name is Tasha Baker. I am a 37yo mother of 4; 2 boys (15 and 11) and 2 girls (6 and 4) and with this petition I am 1) looking for support as well as a solution and 2) a change within the Family Court System.

To understand my fight you must first know my story........ February 5, 2005 was the second best day of my life. I had my 'Rainbow Baby' and he was a beautiful baby boy (Rainbow Baby: a baby born after a previous loss in the womb or infant loss). But with my baby boy, came Post Partum Depression. And if I learned anything while suffering from PPD, I learned that you must have an AWESOME support system. But I did not. So when the baby was born and I began to feel odd and out of body, I truly felt alone. Though I had external family, I was kept at a distance from them. My life belonged to "The Husband" and our children. It became a rough pregnancy towards the end and the first 3-4 months after birth were a little hard as well. With the every 2 hours for feedings, keeping house (plus more), I wasn't sleeping much and I was beyond tired. One day, during bathtime (9-10mo), I began to daydream. That daydream consisted of me harming my family and then taking my life. That scared me. I began to stress that the baby needed to go to daycare and I needed some "Me" time. I needed to be allowed to spend some time with my people and not sneak to do so or feel timed, I needed to be able to read a book without interruption or work on my writing without interruption or just sit.....without interruption. Possibly get a job. But the request was for a stay at home mom and I by that time I had gone a little wonky. *S/N* Sleep is very important after having a baby, BUT, especially if there are signs of PPD. And help, help is important too. One day after days of crying and feeling utterly depressed, helpless and over the top tired (I did 98.9%of everything around the house), I felt like I was being crushed and suffocated by everything. I knew I wanted out, I decided that I had to get away from him. My soul wanted me to leave him......so I left him. He was bad for my spirit, my soul, my mental. I did (at the time of PPD) choose to leave the children with their father because 1) I didn't want to disrupt their lives any further 2) He was their father and since he wasn't helping me, he could at least give them some sense of normalcy while I muddled through this and 3) I spiraled; bad and I was utterly and downright depressed. I wasn't taking my kids down with me. I felt helpless and ashamed because what mother daydreams about harming her kids? ****BUT I DID NOT ABANDON MY CHILDREN**** (speak with anyone willing to tell you the truth) I went to the home every morning. Put my oldest son on the bus, took care of the baby, I took my son off of the bus and I wouldn't leave the home until they were in bed. At some point the symptoms of my PPD began to worsen and I was so depressed and in no shape mentally to care for the boys. But even in an unstable state he insisted on dropping them. Until I wouldn't answer the phone. I needed to piece myself back together before my babies laid eyes on me again. Fast Forward through finding a therapist and the therapist confirming the PPD and then me being told "I asked around and only white women go through Post Partum." Fast Forward through the selling of the house and him moving with the boys. Fast Forward through him hiring a "nanny." She was his high school classmate that was employed as a social worker for the Department of Children and Families and ended up becoming his wife. And that's when the games began. That's when he began to systematically lie out his plan to remove me from my boys lives. Now I will not sit here and say that I was a perfect wife or a perfect mother. No one is!!! But I did nothing to constitute what happened next. Completely unfathomable. I filed for divorce in the Spring of 2007 after 7 years of legal marriage. But we'll Fast Forward to Tuesday January 29, 2008. After I had fought in the courtroom to have my babies for 3 unsupervised visitations a week, we decided to enjoy my Mom's birthday. My 3yo revealed something about his babysitter (whom was associated with my ex) that I, my mom, legal and religious counsel felt I should contact DCF and share it with them. I called the DCF hotline and the operator stayed with me until she learned that he was a city agency and his wife worked for a state agency, that's when her tone changed. She began to be question me like I was the one being investigated. Lo and behold, on the next visit day (which was Thursday) I was not allowed to pick my boys up. Nor the next visit day (which was Saturday). During this "investigation" that was initiated by me, I learned that the it would only consist of the investigator speaking to one side, the side that I called DCF on. They never called my Mother, a direct witness of when he told the story), never formally spoke with myself and never called my best friend (he told her about the incident over the phone)The investigator only called to tell me that she closed the investigation out and my claim was found to be without merit. But the kicker is when I called the DCF office to obtain a copy of whatever part of the DCF investigator's report I was allowed to have.........and there was no report filed, nothing. But moving along, I went to the courthouse the following week and filed the necessary paperwork. Now I'm going back and forth to court (AGAIN), fighting to see my boys (AGAIN) while February, March and April passed. We (myself, my mother and her late husband) didn't see them again until Mother's Day, May 11, 2008. And that is the last time that we laid eyes on my boys. And the sad part about this, is my Mom's husband died four days later. At that point, after the Mother's Day visit, I was struggling to get back on my feet, physically and mentally. Not too long recovering from the aftermath of PPD, I really wasn't mentally prepared for court....AGAIN. Confidence in the system had been long lost. I never walked away from the courthouse feeling hopeful, I always walked away feeling slighted, helpless and small. I mean at one point, my late step father paid a lawyer $7,500. It did no good, but I had to try. So after fighting in court for almost 3 years (Spring/Summer 2008-Winter 2011), with not one visitation order being reinforced by the court, I walked away. Because while being slandered by the ex, defending myself against a therapist for the boys that I have never met and a GAL that has personal issues with my family, I was carrying my fourth child, I didn't need that type of stress. I had to give up going to court. I GAVE UP COURT; NOT CUSTODY. I gave up walking into an institution that was supposed to represent truth and justice, with people put in place to help keep families together (if possible) whether the home is broken or not. And they did nothing. The last straw was him asking me to pay child support. Child support that I agreed to pay, but only if I could see my boys. I was told by a judge that I could do so until they turned 18, that didn't guarantee that I would see them; one has nothing to do with the other. I remember literally shaking my head at mediator while telling them "I wouldn't have to pay him child support if you guys would just make him do right." SMH! At that point, I couldn't take it anymore and I made some decisions that I never went through with, but court definitely was off the table....at that time. So I put that pot on the back burner until I could afford a good family attorney. I pushed through all of that emotional anguish and mental stress and gained employment with the City of New Haven as a 911 operator. I started September 12, 2011. I tried, no matter how hard, to allow the fact that my heart ached daily for my boys get to me; or to take over my life completely. And God had since blessed me with 2 beautiful little girls so I had to try and remain focused. Yeah, I had my bad days; I had my slumps. But I was beginning to ENJOY life, things were starting to look up. I was able to start breathing again. Fast Forward to Friday April 4, 2014, the proverbial rug was snatched from up under me, once again. I learned (from a coworker) upon arriving to work that the man that has been keeping my kids from me and my ENTIRE family for (at that time) almost 6 years, was going to be my boss. He was to start the following Monday April 7, 2014. Mind went blank; world started spinning. Chest started hurting; lump formed in my throat. Eyes began to well; a controlled anger set in. I immediately turned to the 'White Shirt' in the room to inquire about what I was just told and his response was "Oh yeah, I meant to talk to you about that. Let's go in my office." I am crying while vehemently trying to explain to him that this shouldn't be. His response..... "Well girlie, you just gotta suck it up, come to work and do your job." WOW........So forget that I worked for this particular department first? Forget that this is just wrong across the board? So I went back into "The Room" and finished my shift. I couldn't file grievances or things of that nature because like I was told "There's nothing I can do about it.".....I felt like no one wanted to or could touch it because the appointment was made by a city official. This appointment was made by the mayor of the City of New Haven. When we, my partner that also works in the call center (7yrs collectively at the time), reached out to appeal to the mayor via email about the appointment, attempting to inform her of the egregious conflict of interest and to let her know that there was still an open custody case, we were dismissed. She didn't ask what the conflict of interest was, whether or not there were any existing custody issues, history of domestic violence; nothing. She just said that she trusted that we all would "behave professionally." Really now? I worked for the city for almost 3 years and my partner for almost 4. In a job that we both applied, tested, PASSED and interviewed for. A job that we both earned. Not suing the city for (IJS). But ok....you got it!! I made it almost a year under him before I was placed on medical leave by my doctor. But within that year, I had to deal with some coworkers that (I thought) had my back before, suddenly telling me to "Get over it" and to "Let it go." "The Room" immediately became divided and I felt the need to retreat within myself. Man, now that was fun. Then a few incidents occured that an unknown person would see as innocent, once he started on the job, so that spilled over into home. My personal life became very strained. But I was still trying to get through my 8 hours and take care of my 2 little ones while trying to remain sane. With my anxiety shooting through the roof, I was placed on 4 different meds to try and help control it. I had to take 3 of those meds just to go to work and at that time, I was training on the police radio to learn how to dispatch; which would have been more money in my check by the way. But I couldn't focus, the meds had me somewhere else and the anxiety seemed to even overpower them at times. I have been out of work for 6 months now. Though still employed, I am not receiving anything from the city or any type of disability or compensation. I am searching for a job that I'm hoping won't force me to take a double digit pay cut. I have since been diagnosed with PTSD along with my anxiety. I have since taken steps to try and have my wrongs righted, I filed a complaint with CT's CHRO and I have retained an attorney (she rocks). Next I have to find a family attorney. This petition is to show some of the things that can happen when custody cases go wrong. Most will probably have a good outcome. Some could end in physical death. But my death has been a slow death; an emotionally and mentally torturous one. It has cut into my soul. I am just in awe of how and why anyone could feel comfortable with keeping up this charade for almost a decade. So, from my personal experiences, I have come up with some solutions, ones I could have used, ones that I wish were there for me when I was in eye of the storm. This starts with the court system. Every case is not the same. I know that it can become mundane and monotonous, but every now and again, there will be a case that deserves more attention. I feel as though my children were legally kidnapped and the ball was dropped somewhere outside of my "court." I need to understand what crime constitutes a mother, scratch that, a PARENT to go without seeing their children? Solutions: 1) If a court official calls DCF or any outside agency of authority on a parent during a divorce/custody proceeding, that parent should be made to take extensive parenting classes and/or attend therapy. (DCF was called on my ex, but the mediator still recommended that he be awarded full custody) 2) The courts should inquire as to whether either parent is adopted. (sometimes an adopted child can be resentful and as an adult can feel like they too can replace people of importance, like a parent) 3) The courts need to make sure that IF there is a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) that they perform their job according to the oath that they have sworn to uphold. (there are people that will tell you that there was bad blood between my children's GAL and some members of my family) 4) The court mediators should make sure that IF there is a therapist appointed that the therapist sees fit to speak with all parties involved, not just the party that pays the copay. (not once, not even after I showed the therapist proof that she was being lied to, did she call me in to gauge who I was nor did she attempt to reunite me with my boys) 5) If there is mention of PPD, there should be programs in place to try and steer the mother in the direction of help; not ignore it. Don't make her feel helpless. (I walked away feeling like I brought this on myself and that it was my fault that I went through PPD) 6) If there is an employee of an agency (DCF in this case) involved with someone that is enthralled in a custody case and there are whispers of improprieties than said worker should be investigated. (self explanatory) 7) The courts should never take someone's position and their title as them being more worthy of favor and/or that they are incapable of lying. (I feel that because he is a firefighter on the books and his wife was (maybe still is) a social worker that he was able to manipulate and mislead the courts, which turned into him keeping my kids away from me for almost a decade. I mean hey, I was just a small person without a title that just needed a little help from someone with a bigger voice) And 8) From Humanity's stand point, let's try to treat everyone as if they matter. Having money and a title in no way makes one person better than the next; just makes them gaudier. Treat people with the same respect that you would want to be treated with if you suddenly had to wear some ill fitting shoes. And last but not least, remember the little guy is the reason this world goes 'round. The little cogs make sure that the big wheel keeps turning....IJS! Be Inspired To Find Your Voice; Know That You Are Strong Enough To Use It: I know that there are many coparents that are going without seeing their children. I feel that if you haven't physically, sexually or mentally abused your children or had/have them in precarious positions, than you should be allowed to be in their life(lives). Keep fighting!!! If you haven't started; start now. It Takes Two To "Tango"; You Didn't Do This By Yourself The sad part is, is that a lot of these "cases"are riding on the personal feelings of the primary parent. You need to step back and realize that it's not about you; it's about the child(ren). And a lot of the time the coparent must go through H E Double Hockey Stick just to have time with their child(ren). This is wrong. But you keep pushing. Understand that when you bad mouth the other parent in front of or to your child(ren), you are bad mouthing your child as well, because they are half of whom you are speaking of. We have to accept that children have their own minds and that they can retain more than we like to give them credit for. What is planted must grow. Kids become adults and you don't want them to turn on you because you kept them from their mother/father. Just remember, adults have lived enough and been through enough and can eventually bounce back, but kids soak things up and what they soak up, can and sometimes WILL define them. And being ripped from a parent and being told that it's for the best......is not a great defining moment for a child(ren). And one day they may just run and never look back. There should NEVER be a reason strong enough, short of drugs, abuse and/or murder (not even then if therapy and/or other programs can help) that should allow a parent to go without their child(ren). So at this point, it's beyond me, it's about my children being able to know each other. It's about the mother in Idaho who's child(ren) were wrongfully taken from her or the father in New York who is being kept from his child(ren). This is about all of the children being held hostage by one parent's ill feelings towards the other. At the end of the day, I yearn to get to know my sons again, they have 2 sisters that ask for and need to meet their brothers, a grandmother that longs to hug her grandchildren and an ENTIRE FAMILY that wants to show them love. Let's see if we can get my boys back. And let's see if we can make some needed changes in the court system and how they deal with custody cases. #TEAMTASHA #TEAMPOP #TEAMMALACHI #TEAMPEYTON #TEAMKAMRYN #TEAMEVERYCHILD #FAMILYFIRST #FAMILYFOREVER #FIGHTFORFAMILY # JUSTICEFORCHILDREN #JUSTICEFORPOP #JUSTICEFORMALACHI #JUSTICEFORPEYTON #JUSTICEFORKAMRYN #JUSTICEFORTASHA #JUSTICEFORFAMILY #JUSTICEINTHESYSTEM