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Eating Disorder Education
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Fuck erc. I was just a kid, and it's been 5 years and I'm 17 now but what happened will always affect me. What they did changed who I was as a person. I grieve the kid I was, and the person I could have been. This will stick with me for the rest of my life.
I realize eating disorders are complex and so is treatment, I know better than anyone. But erc is far beyond this. There is so much to say but I don't have the words for it. I'm so sorry to all the other kids who have been there and are currently there. It wasn't fair or normal or okay.
I saw another commenter say that erc is keyed in to the troubled teen industry, and I'd just like to add that this is absolutely true. While I was there, multiple kids were gooned to be transported to erc. And in at least one case, someone was gooned from a different residential treatment facility that was definitely apart of the troubled teen industry based on the description given.
Rest easy F
T supported: Demand the Closure of Eating Recovery Center Denver for Patient SafetyFinally, the community and environment the staff enabled and cultivated motivated sickness and fatphobia. There were patients in bigger bodies that had to wear too small gowns, and they didn’t have bigger ones or would not even order them. They also had very small towels which did not cover patients. The community was very toxic, and the staff openly saw and allowed pro Ed sentiment to fill the community. There was competition between patients to be sick which has stuck with me to this day. Moving to PHP was not better, I won’t get into it all but i completely broke mentally and dissociated to try to escape the turmoil. Since ERC I have lost 4 friends to the disorder, not something that can be blamed on ERC of course however I can’t help wondering how a different experience there could have helped them. Some of those people were openly struggling the entire time there and their needs were NOT met. I met some of the most wonderful people there and have made friends that I will cherish forever. I am grateful for them and the nurses that were kind to me. Ultimately I understand that the healthcare system is deeply broken and treatment centers can be too but ERC is the last place I would send anyone. Nobody deserves what me and my peers experienced. After discharging from PHP I relapsed, of course not the fault of any treatment center but I can home worse mentally that I had ever been. I didn’t trust any treatment team and became paranoid that providers were out to get me. I waited until I needed medical intervention because I so deeply didn’t trust anyone. I am not the same person I was before ERC but I am healing. I have nightmares about it constantly and flashbacks. I hope ERC Denver can see feedback like this and create patient centered care, but I worry it’s a system of the larger healthcare system. There are better places and please to anyone reading this do not go to ERC.
Sydney supported: Demand the Closure of Eating Recovery Center Denver for Patient SafetyOne of the most destructive parts of ERC willow was the level system of punishment. I can speak from a personal experience to that. While I understand that dealing with food refusal is difficult, this method was punitive. For several weeks I really struggled with intake, and as a result was demoted to “level 1.” At this level I was restricted access to my team and only allowed to visit with them for brief sessions 1-2 a week. I was forced to stay in my room all day and not allowed to interact with other patients. I was moved into the smaller dining area filled with the other level 1 patients. This was the most destructive dining room because I was surrounded by my peers also doing acute food refusal which motivated my disorder more. The worst part of it all was the restrictions from my family. All my devices were taken away as punishment and I was only allowed a 15 minute call on the landline a day. Furthermore, I was not allowed to GO OUTSIDE!! Which is insane because I went weeks without fresh air (never mind that fresh air consisted of a barred small patio). This level system was all made worse by the fact that there was a Covid outbreak in the unit so we were not allowed any visitors and patients exposed were forced inside their rooms all day. I could honestly keep writing for pages but the last aspect of the inhumane nature of ERC was the staff themselves. My therapist, dietician, doctor, and psychiatrist were cold and lacked empathy. They failed to make space for, treat, or understand my co occurring disorders and my long history of ed. I felt like I was in trouble for struggling and they pitted me against them alongside my parents, telling my parents things behind my back (as a full adult). When I was in extreme distress there and begged everyday to leave the team threatened to certify me, so I was completely trapped. In my final month there I completely white knuckled it to get to PHP. I got the stomach bug at the end of the stay and out of my control struggled with my appetite. My team told me that if I didn’t complete with my stomach bug my date would be moved back several weeks. This threat of not getting to get out forced me to chug several boosts for a meal, while they watched me gag because I was sick. It was traumatic.
Sydney supported: Demand the Closure of Eating Recovery Center Denver for Patient SafetyI understand that hospitalization with an eating disorder is a time of extreme discomfort and relinquishing control. There are good people at ERC and I am grateful that they saved my life. Given these things, ERC Denver however needs to do better. I was hospitalized for several months at ERC willow late 2021-2022. I left ERC more mentally unwell, with PTSD and relapsed immediately. Im not sure what it is like now, or if its changed with COVID restrictions easing however my time there was horrible. First off, patient care was not a priority. The showers did not work for a large amount of my hospitalization there and there was only 2 showers that had hot water for the large amount of patients. Many of us did not get to shower regularly or were subjected to cold showers, made more terrible given malnutrition. I can’t fully get into the food there, but on serval occasions we were served spoiled food and forced to eat it. Willow was grossly understaffed, and many of the staff that were there were incompetent. While some nurses were incredibly kind and doing what they could with very sick patients, other nurses were mean and knew nothing about eating disorders. I was on tube feeds for a large amount of my stay and some nurses “didn’t know how tube feeds worked.” They would give me the wrong feeds, causing me immense distress only to get an apology from my dietician and to be subjected to the same nurse after. I refused a feed and was told “shame on you” by a nurse. During my stay there, many staff quit or did not show up. The therapists there were not emotionally supportive for the most part, hardened by the extreme sickness and burnout. Our group therapy consisted of the same worksheets and we repeated the same ones several times. Because of the staffing shortages the other patients and I had to take care of each other and watch horrific things. Often other patients and I were the first people on site for medical emergencies including seizures, cardiac events, and self harm. Ambulances came every day, and we watched as sick patients got sicker with not enough intervention. Patients openly self harmed, banging their heads against the wall. Patients paced the hallways incessantly or did workouts while staff just looked on. Many patients openly vomited on the floor and afterwards were forced to clean it up. My roommate had a vomit corner where she would purge which did not get addressed for many days. A neuse was found in my friends room and many patients tried to kill themselves there. I didn’t feel safe there, in a constant state of fight or flight. I was in constant fear that my fellow patients would collapse or die in front of me. Many patients also struggled with taking care of themselves out of the extreme distress of being there and the staff did not intervene when patients went weeks without washing themselves.
Sydney supported: Demand the Closure of Eating Recovery Center Denver for Patient SafetyI was a patient at ERC Juniper at the same time as Ella (starter of this petition). I was fairly new to the ED world and this was the first treatment place I attended. Along with the staffs' apparent neglect for the patients, the way they approach their proclaimed 'recovery' is straight BS and honestly just a grab for money. I had an NG Tube placed not even 24 hours after arriving at the facility. I had barely even had a chance to 'prove' myself to staff and they had already given up on me. They did not teach me how to eat. ERC had me tubed the entire time I was there, including when I was fully completing my meal plan as it was their form of weight restoring me. To reiterate - I never learned how to eat and how to deal with eating. I was on the lowest mealplan with the rest of my calories coming through a tube. I left the facility with absolutely nothing - if anything I had become worse. After several other treatment centers/programs I am home and doing much better but ERC Denver is a complete scam. I am a believer in treatment and found it helps a lot of people - but NOBODY I know has ever said ERC Denver helped them.
Cece supported: Demand the Closure of Eating Recovery Center Denver for Patient SafetySpaces for disordered people can actually be beneficial, not just “oohh theres a scary disorder lurking here! lets take it out on thise affected by it!”. Many spaces promote harm reduction and share tips with the basis of “you shouldn’t do this, but if you will, heres how to do it SAFELY.” Not everyone wants to recover, but they should still be the safest they can be regardless of that, and communities for the disordered helps with that. Removing those who /need/ these places can be more harmful than leaving them be, as surrounding yourself with those who understand and can listen to your struggles without blaming you for them can help people turn to recovery, or try to prioritize their physical and mental health more.
Otto supported: Stop Tumblr from Destroying Their Disordered UsersI have lost many moots due to them getting terminated and some I had been very close to but I won’t be able to contact them anymore because of them getting terminated for talking about their struggle.
Allie supported: Stop Tumblr from Destroying Their Disordered Usersi need the internet to stay alive because i've spent more of my life with than without it. losing my blog or access to tumblr has and will continue to worsen my mental health. being able to know im not suffering on my own and that there is a bit of light in this (pardon my language) shit world really, really helps because i dont have the resources for the proper help. having our safe spaces torn from us because of something that oftentimes isnt our fault is extremely upsetting and unhelpful, we need these spaces.
Wyatt supported: Stop Tumblr from Destroying Their Disordered UsersI got terminated today I lost friends, moots, and blogs that I enjoyed viewing( not even ed-related). I get that you're trying to keep people safe but we need safe spaces too!! Talking about your experiences with people who understand where you're coming from is one of the best things you can do while experiencing a thing like this.
simmie supported: Stop Tumblr from Destroying Their Disordered UsersIdk what I’d do if I lost my account… it’s the only place I can talk about how I feel. I can’t go to my family or any of my loved ones.
Starlyn supported: Stop Tumblr from Destroying Their Disordered UsersYou’re not alone — a community of supporters is ready to back you.
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