It was during the height of COVID, August 27th, 2020, when, thank G-d, I had my beautiful baby girl.

I went through a very quick delivery, giving birth within 15 minutes of arriving at Woodhull Medical Center in Brooklyn, NY.

I had done my research, I had my doula, I has a beautiful labor at home, she was not stuck in the birth cannal, everything was going well, yet I was shoved onto a table where they immediately performed an unneeded episiotomy on me! I thought I could just refuse what I didn't want, b"H for ehat i was able to refuse but- little did I know... 

It was sneaky, my bed surrounded by many faces each doing their thing to my baby - touching me while I was giving birth - having easy access while my legs were placed in stirrups moments before giving birth. One thing I knew was I didn't want to give birth on my back and I just let them do a cervical check amd then they moved the bed and I was screaming not on my back and I tried to tell all the other nurses to leave and they started laughing - they turned their backs and then turned around again...

They lied about the episiotomy and said it was a tear - a smooth tear... while I was giving birth I saw a nurse quietly coming with a scissor and I felt the dichotomy of the intensity of birth and the sharpness of the scissors cutting me inside. An episiotomy while I came to the hospital around 3pm and my baby was born 3:17pm - during this time I went to the bathroom, got a cervical check and was transfered to the delivery room from triage so their was definitely no reason for that at all and my waters broke literally moments before. Also one of the ladies around me started touching my baby while she was being born and then suddenly my body started pushing the baby out really fast - she let go and out flew out my 8 pound 5.5 pound baby and she landed on the table.

In the seconds after I had given birth, harshly interrupting the long awaited afterglow of meeting my new baby, I was informed the cord would be cut, the placenta would be pulled (!!!!) out of me, and I would be sewn up and "fashioned."

Then a sinister looking table full of knives and needles was slotted right up against my hospital bed.

I was informed, not asked!

I was not given any say in this matter at all.

Exhausted, bewildered, and vulnerable after giving birth, I requested to be given explanations.

Choices.

Something.

I didn't understand their pressuring. None of this was what I wanted, despite my baby and myself being healthy! There was no risk in delaying the cord clamping like I had explicitly written in my birth plan and discussed with my doula.

Yet despite my saying no, the doctors and nurses steamrolled right over me.

They sneered down at me, "it doesn't matter, because the placenta is not connected to you anyway."

Even my doula, whom I had come to respect and trust, who had closely supported me through my labor, suddenly pulled off her "mask" and started yelling at me to just do as I was told.

It was like I was speaking to a stranger.

She even ran to the other side of the curtain to demand that my husband MAKE me listen.

For 45 minutes I was left to bleed, as the nurses and doctor refused to give me any other afterbirth care simply because I did not want to cut the cord right away while I tried to birth the placenta.

Then, the doctor sauntered back to my bedside and told me that someone had once bled to death after not cutting the cord right away, so they were taking matters into their own hands.

I needed to birth my placenta, yet they said they would only let me, only 'help' me, if I would let them "fashion me up" afterwards.

I knew I needed to birth my placenta, but I didn't want them to yank it out and possibly cause worse bleeding, so with no choice, I finally said, "ok, but only because I need to birth my placenta."

Th doctor also told me my husband would only be allowed to meet our baby once she had "fashioned me," so I should just "get it over with."

The doctor kept saying things like, "if you don't do this, you will be deformed for life," or "you will die if you have a prolapse," but I was receiving no explanations of what any of her threatening words meant or how it had happened or why it had become necessary and my every question was ignored like I hadn't even opened my mouth.

No one had explained why the episiotomy had been performed in the first place, especially when my baby had been in no danger coming down the birth cannal. Yet had been forced on me. Also they lied that it even happened.

I had just given birth.

I was tired.

I was in pain.

I was vulnerable.

My doula had essentially turned on me, also refusing to answer my questions and explain what was going on or why the doctor had done this procedure in the first place.

I had no say, no control, and no clue over what was happening. I was not asked for consent at any step of this process.

When I finally agreed under pressure, still with no explanations for the reasons why this 'fashioning' was necessary, the doctor began sewing me up.

I was able to see everything they were doing being that their was a mirror directly across from me. I saw my vegina was purple and obviously full of blood so I felt afraid being that I have never been at a birth before and I was scared if something was wrong - but something felt really weird and wrong about they were about to do - I felt almost praying for me that I should just say no. I was full of clots - my body was healing itself, they told me that the clots would clog up and give blood clots. I have family members with blood clots and it caused them pain- but these blood clots seemed that they were healing whatever tears/cuts I had so I wasn't sure even if they were saying the truth- but there were so many terms just thrown at me and I didn't know how to confirm it. subconsciously, I felt so many messages in my head I felt so confused while again my hormones are in its fullest power just have given birth. I also felt that I did say after I birthed my placenta I would let them do their "work" I learnt that sewing up tears was normal - but it felt so dangerous and wrong but they seemed to make sence, may they were just healing it being that they said something was wrong that it got so big and it was purple.

Whatever the case, with needle and thread in one hand and anesthesia in the other, the doctor started sewing at my clitoris and inner labia.

I was so confused. Why was I being sew up here when the tear started further down!?

The doula quickly waved it off, "just let them," and despite my mixed feelings, I figured that even though she had yelled at me, I could at least trust that she knew about birth and that therefore, this must somehow be normal.

But then the doctor continued lower and lower and lower, I was suddenly very concerned.

"Please stop and explain to me why it's being done this way," I requested.

But there was no answer.

And the stitches just continued lower and lower.

My doula started distracting me, so it didnt even occur to me that I might need to protect myself.

I still kept on asking - "What are you doing" - no answer, "what are you doing" again no answer, "when will you stop" again no answer...

In fact, I was still wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, because I thought, "I paid this doula money to get to know me, to help support me during labor, to be an advocate for me, and to protect me.

"I might as well let her do her job, since she must know what she's doing what."

She saw everything through the mirror- trying to talk about my doona and just a casual face as if she is doing me a favor by staying "extra long" for this as well...

But finally, when I realized the stiches really were far too low, I yelled, "stop!"

I even tried to move my legs, but they were too weak and my body was still in shock over the episiotomy they never explained why I needed it and and now this major surgery they would later deny happening on me.

That night I quickly understood what happened and looked frantically on line and got to know what they do to women in Africa- FGC. I later learn the difference between FGC and FGM. Within FGM their are 4 "levels" I got the 2nd level with both my clitoris and labia manora sewn up.

My entire labia minora was sewn together in a very unnatural way and as the doctor made the final knot, the expression on their face was strangly satisfied and smug.

Then Taki g my daughter from my chest- the doula quickly assured me - "let them", me so confused and feeling debilitated. Peering into my daughter's vagina while my doula brushed off my concerned questions about the necessity of such an exam, the doctor started laughing and joking that they should "fashion up" my innocent little girl too.

Exhausted, confused, and in pain, I pulled my daughter close to me and tried to breathe through hot sparks of anger and horror and birth after pleasure as well with trying to still process my inner experience and holding my baby as well as the madness and harm that has just happened to me - was it really harm- I couldn't feel pain being the state I was in of just giving birth - but I did know in my mind that something was wrong. I did hope that someone could just fix it easily and move on.

It wasn't until later that I realized the full extent of just how mutilating was the surgery that had been performed on me.

Instead of merely sewing the torn skin back together, she had completely reshaped me, pulling the skin from the top of the clitoris down and inwards towards to my "g-spot" area to "shorten" my natural shape, essentially giving me an unwanted labiaplasty without any reason or explanation.

The doctor and my doula both denied that anything was wrong, insisting that I was worried over nothing. I tried saying stop and finally the midwife pulled skin from on top till the "g-sot" I was so confused what just happened- I was still in my afterglow time nursing my baby, in a state of pleasure just have given birth, my first birth so new yet so confusing on all sides - they "let" me have my baby right away and then they had full access to my body parts...

However, I desperately wanted to get the surgery reversed or fixed and went on a desperate journey, searching for an expert who could undo the damage. I first asked for a doctor in the hospital - even though I had lots more abuse and unessesery questioning etc but np doctor came to see me. After I gave birth I tried to find someone- whybdont you just go back to that same hospital - said all the poeple I reached out to. Finally to get seem by an obgyn - someone else made my appointment just as a check up. I thought I could just easily get it fixed - but I told poeple and this is not a regular surgery - a labiaplasty reversal is not such a common thing poeple talk about especially for a frum, jewish new mom... 

But as time went on, my clitoris and labia minora have slowly shrunk in on themselves, mishapen and ruined. At the beginning going that even just going to the bathroom, much less anything elss, has become excruciatingly painful. A person doesn't relize just how important that part of the body is until something happens chas visholom. I am naturaly a very spiritual person so I sence things in my body very acutely, I hear the messages and it was definitely traumatic to hear my body scream "help me!" And just watching this continue. My brain was spinning also being that afterbirth it was in its full power getting sewn up made it hard to exersize and even walk long distances without it going straight to my head and just being breathless.

And still come the healer's and therapist's gaslighting words, telling me there's nothing wrong, I can't possibly still be in pain, and that I must be making it up. How do you know it really happened...

That was close to 19 months ago.

Throughout this time I went from obgyn to a uriginoclogist to a therapist, healers of all kinds trying to make sence out of what happened.

Unfortunately even doctors are afraid to admit what they even saw- in order for the obgyn to send a refural she had to make up something else for them to see me and needing to make the appointment in advance and just the run around.

Finally, with G-d's help, I have found a place in Florida where I hope and pray they will be able to recreate a labia minora and a clitoris.

I am a living testament to the fact that female genital mutilation still occurs not just in modern times, but in a first world country like the U.S.A.

That it should occur to women who have just given birth, who are at their most vulnerable, who are unable to advocate for themselves, who are possibly under the effects of sedatives and anesthesia, and whose ability to consent is compromised? It was even more horrifying to realize.

Something like this should NEVER EVER HAPPEN to any women.

No one should need to worry about fending off an unwanted mutilating cosmetic surgery as soon as she gives birth. No one should be manipulated into consenting to this procedure without understanding exactly what is going on, why, and whether or not it's even necessary!

We are all one people, under one G-d and there is a concept of morality and basic human decency being one of the 7 laws of Noah to all mankind.

Being sewn up in this manner, not just to mend a tear but to be forced to undergo a botched labiaplasty without any explanation and directly against a women's will, is a violations of our right to consent as human beings.

Informed consent means making a choice after receiving explanations about exactly what is happening along with all of the risks and dangers involved; being threatened that you must consent without explanation or you will die and not be allowed the opportunity to try birthing your placenta are not cases of "informed consent." This is threatening, malicious, and unprofessional behavior.

The miracle of birth should be treated with the respect, dignity, and honor that it deserves.

And physical arousal and the ability to physically enjoy pleasure is a right belonging everyone, men /and/ women!

The choice to lead a healthy, consenting intimate life should be the right of every human being.

Physical pleasure is part of our very existence, directly connected even to our mental health.

And true enough, due to the aftereffect of this surgery, the last year and a half has been physical, emotional, and mental agony for me.

No women should ever go through this.

I should be able to get my reconstructive surgery and those responsible should be held accountable for their actions.

There is a time that SILENCE IS A SIN.

We learned from the Nuremberg trials that all the participants involved should be held responsible for their actions even if they were just "following orders."

A choice is a choice. And chosing to perform an unwanted cosmetic genital surgery without consent is essentially a form of sexual violation.
Sexual violence and FGM really do happen in hospitals - unneeded, unexplained, and unwanted surgeries to birthing women are tantamount to rape. How many other women are given one extra stitch, 'to tighten them up' or 'for the father,' despite not giving consent?

Denial is enabling the abuse to continue.

Don't sit back and ignore this very real problem because the horrifying reality is that this could happen to anyone; especially with continuing hospital COVID policies that could again limit or prevent those giving birth from bringing support people that can properly advocate and fight for them.

When it comes to fighting injustice and defending those who cannot defend themselves, it is everyone's responsibility to take a stand.

It does not matter how much money you have.

It does not matter what color is your skin.

It does not matter what your political views are.

We are all one people under one G-d and we have the responsibility, as a people, to make sure things like this do not happen to anyone else.

Lawyers need to do something. Law makers need to get involved. Reparations should be made to all who have suffered like this. Change needs to happen so situations like this will not occur again.

As for Woodhull Medical Center?

Woodhul is not a "Baby Friendly Hospital" if the standard policy is to ignore mothers' questions and needs and desires or give unnecessary labiaplasties to women right after birth without explanation. They have absolutely NO RIGHT to force new mothers to undergo one without consent.

And if they botch the surgery, as in my case, it is no less than Female Genital Mutilation!

If you can spare even a modicum of sympathy and human decency or if anything I just wrote struck a cord in any sort of way - please share this and sign this so together we will raise awareness for this problem and stop this violation of informed consent and do one more good deed towards making the world a better place and bringing about the final redemption of all mankind.

If you want to financially support my surgery and healing journey in any way here is an approtunity and I home that this is a start for amazing change not just for me but for humanity as a whole.
Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart.
Practicaly I am sensitive about not having a male doctor perform the surgery just out of my own self respect and choice. I did find a place in Florida- I don't have insurence in Florida and I would need a flight there and figure out the healing, a place where I would be staying etc. Also I would love to still do a debriefing about it so I could process it better and welcome amazing births into my life. Also I want to get it done as soon as possible.
Thank YOU in advance for your support, belief in me, the full healing and actualization of my soul's mission here on earth.
Now that this did happen I know that everything that happens doesn't just happen "to" us it happens FOR us- so I hope to bring more awareness and support that poeple could protect their loved ones and themselves - knowing and understanding what fgm really is and by giving bez"H there should be no more birth trauma in the world.

 

Women shouldn't have to refuse anything at her birth or fight anyone - she should just be respected for whatever she desires. Women don't need their superhuman stories - which if I continue my story they tried to give me pitocin and they said after they checked my baby I can't get her back while I noticed a lady filling up a syringe- I froze and in my freezing I was afraid for them to chas visholon harm her - but I felt my body find strength I didn't know I had a grad her and put her on my chest- the nurse was fuming - slammed the door and threatened cps. Looking back how I had the strength for that it's cool but it's not the point - women should be respected in the first place and have all her dreams come true and in this real world. 

Birth can and should be the amazing, safe, orgasmic experience that it was created to be and bringing children should be amazing. 

If anything I just wrote means anything to you or striked a cord in any sort or way - please share this, sign this and together we will raise awareness and stop this evil forever and do one thing to finally cause the final respemption of all mankind. 

If you want to finantialy support my healing in any way - I will bez"H be making a go fund me account and you could support that.