Winter we have nothing against you personally but you are like that one dinner guest who does not know that when the host begins loading the dishwasher or putting on their pajamas it is time to leave.
Thank you for a white Christmas but you are ruining millions of lives right now. We are cold. We are tired of wearing 18 layers to get the mail. We are tired drinking tea and coffee just to feel. We're tired of looking outside and seeing the Arctic Circle. Our heating bills are out of control.
Please winter, you need to go. Let the spring come. Most of us can't remember what grass looks like. We want to smell flowers not just see them on TV. We want short sleeves and beers on a hot day. We want to go swimming outside and have BBQs.
Winter, you are welcome to come again two weeks before Christmas, but until then, we don't want to see you.
No offense. Love, everybody.
- old man winter
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