When families collapse, everything collapses. Mental illness skyrockets, community weakens, addictions grow, violence is at an all time high and if you want proof, just look at adoptees, because the loudest voices are the ones who experience it. Adoptees usually have two options as adolescents; find out that their family never wanted them or find out their family ALWAYS wanted them but wasn’t allowed in their life. Very few have positive open adoption stories. At best a mother may see her child once a year and the child is utterly confused why this person that they can feel such a deep love from and for, is kept away from them. It creates a false sense of belonging. Most adoptees never feel like they belong. Society still looks down on birth mothers and shames them and tells them they deserve to lose their child, but does the child deserve to lose its mother? Is that why adoptees have such low self esteem and severe abandonment issues? This is how desensitized the world has become; we actually think that amputating a child from its mother so another couple can have their picture perfect family, is somehow going to all work out. It doesn’t. I thought I was doing what was right, because people I trusted told me so. And then the Murray’s came along and wanted a child so badly they’d say anything to get one and yet after they did everything they could to keep me away. This should be illegal. It is definitely immoral. 

The Murray’s labeled my emotions as “Raw and excessive” for attempting to contact them for
Mediation purposes or to even drop off a birthday present for my children. That is what they view as excessive. Because if they were honest what they really wanted was a totally disassociated mother who abandons her children for their benefit. They would be much happier if I did have some addiction or disability that did render me unable to be in their life because that is what they wanted. What parent wants that for their children? The reason my emotions or so “excessive” to them is because they ARE disconnected from my children. They wanted children for their own agenda. To fulfil a void in their life, that my children weren’t meant to fill. And they are using the for that. This is why it is totally confusing and they cannot comprehend how a mother could have such strong feelings for her children because they don’t. Instead of being mature and not allowing their insecurities and egos to cause any further grief to these babies, and allow them to maintain a child centred relationship with the family they came from and were created for, they have allowed ego to control them. They may use all kinds of excuses; “protecting their peace”, not allowing anyone to “disrespect” them(yet they can be as disrespectful as they like to the other person as long as they don’t ever give it back), protecting “their” children- from what? From a loving mother who has always sought to put her children first at her own expense? From a family that shares 100% of their dna and understands them on a level nobody else can? Adoptees are not a “clean slate” strangers can take and write whatever they want. As vital as your relationship with your family is, so is their relationship with their family. The Murray’s are attached to my children the way a sailor is attached to his boat or an owner is attached to their pet; they take care of it so they can show it off to others and use it for their own comfort. This is not ok for little children. They are not property to be owned. They are complex individuals with complex needs. You cannot say biological family is replaceable. And what will happen when my emotionally intelligent daughters hit adolescence if not before then, and start to have the same “raw emotions”? How much more with The Murray’s not understand then? If they can be so quick to disregard the feelings of their mother, how can they possibly understand their feelings? This is a common grievance with adoptees; their parents are not only unwilling to address their feelings but the children have learned it is not safe or welcome for them to share these completely natural feelings with their adoptive parents because the parents have never dealt with their own insecurities regarding not being able to naturally conceive their own children. These children do not deserve to be victims of The Murray’s problems. I guarantee the feelings that I have had with respect to the absolutely awful behavior of the Murray’s towards me and my family, will seem like nothing next to theirs. 

I got pregnant while in a brief relationship with an African man, who I really cared about back then, but knew we weren’t ready for a baby. My church set me up with this “good Christian couple” who couldn’t have children and I was coerced into an adoption, all the while being told it was such a “selfless act” and “brave” and that I’d still be able to see her. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen by far. The most delicate gorgeous baby. I held her and couldn’t let her go. I was in absolute agony after birth. The adoptive parents already had come to the hospital and were asking when they could take her. I just wasn’t ready. I know now an able mother should never ever abandon her child at birth, that is cruel for both her and baby. But that’s what was expected of me. I didn’t know what it would cost us. I was in torment for hours- my body having just gone through the most painful, difficult, overwhelming experience I had ever had and yet I had to give all my comfort away and be left with nothing but endless grief and sorrow. I felt guilt about the adoptive parents. If I had only known how little they were about to regard me and my feelings I wouldn’t have paid any attention to theirs at that time. But I was cursed with people pleasing. I was always putting others before myself. I feared how it would hurt them. I almost revoked my consent but I didn’t want to hurt them. And yet they had no problem hurting me repeatedly and breaking every promise they made to me. It was supposed to be an “open adoption”, but it never was. They kept her away from me constantly. The little breadcrumbs I would ask for they made it seem like it was such a burden they couldn’t be bothered to even give back a fraction of what I had given them. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe these people I trusted had totally betrayed me. I ended up getting pregnant again out of desperation as I missed my daughter so badly and had no relief. It was torment. At one point after the adoption I was certain I would have to end my life because the grief was so great I knew I couldn’t continue to live like that. When I had my second daughter the adoptive parents wanted her as well. At first I didn’t even consider it, but the thought of having a relationship with both my children and giving my daughter a sister was appealing because I knew they couldn’t have children and she needed an ally being an African girl in a fluorescent white family. And of course they said all the right things; it was all one big misunderstanding, of course we would never keep you from them, blah blah blah, what will your oldest say if you gave her up but you don’t give up this one, laying in the guilt, oh they wanted that second one badly and I wanted to believe them in my exhausted state of mind. And as soon as the parts were signed, that was it. I haven’t seen my daughters in over 3 years. They don’t even know who I am. I’ve begged and pleaded, sent emails and texts in anger and distress, but they only use it as evidence that I’m “too emotional” and my feelings are “too raw” and that’s it. I’ve decided to take them to court- I have nothing to lose, they’ve taken everything I have for themselves. My children were their last resort but they were my everything. I’d give anything to go back and keep them and love them the way they deserve to be loved not this ownership that their abductors are abusing for their own self image. These baby hungry people don’t care about anybody but themselves and I will spend the rest of my life fighting for my children. They deserve somebody who cares about THEM, because these people only care about themselves.

These people will be just as dismissive and apathetic to my children’s emotions about their adoptions as they have been to mine. They aren’t concerned about anybody else’s feelings and their actions have already proved that. What happens when these girls can’t be controlled anymore? When the inevitable happens and they rebel? Because they have not put the effort into understanding the root of their children’s grief, which begins with me, they will be unable to help them. No amount of therapy will fix this, when all these children need is connection.

DNA is the single most deciding factor in criminal cases that destroys or saves relationships, lives and futures, yet we stop when it comes to adoption? All of a sudden it’s completely irrelevant? How does that even make any sense? If DNA is the most important evidence in criminal cases it SHOULD be the most important in family cases as well even more so, because we are dealing with the delicate and fragile lives and futures of little children, the future of our world. DNA and maternal attachment is not irrelevant as adoption lawyers like Mr Henry and The Murray’s want you to believe because it fits their image and lines their pockets respectively. If we can agree that DNA is not only not irrelevant but the most important piece of evidence  in ANY case, and we cannot cherry pick which ones just because that’s the way it’s always been, we have to conclude that unless there are actual concerns of abuse or safety, there is no reason why a child should not have unlimited access to the family they share one hundred percent of their genes with and unless corrupted by their adopted parents, will have a strong attachment to them. 

You think about all the characteristics you share with your parents- all the things you’ve learned from them because you had the same tendencies, personalities, struggles and how even what they failed at was a help to you so you could learn. This is not nurture that is nature. 

I have never heard the term “best interests of the child” throughout all the time during these two adoptions- not ONCE did the adoption agency, or the court, or The Murray’s, ever consider the best interests of the child at the time of the adoptions- is it in a child’s best interest to be separated from an able breastfeeding mother at birth? Studies say absolutely not, under any circumstance. Is it in the best interests of the child to be completely cut off from all maternal and paternal attachment that started the moment they were created? Studies indicate no. Yet all of a sudden, after adoption, we are going to make an able mother who has undergone arguably the worst trauma imaginable, attempt to prove that she is in fact in her child’s best interest contrary to people that adopted her child under the shared agreement that she would always remain in their life and that the child would be able to have as much contact as they wanted? As a woman that is not only financially disadvantaged but emotionally devastated by an abusive church and system. I have 8 years to
Make up to these children and it would be a crime against them to allow any further time to lapse.
They deserve access to their whole family. Not just the people that own them. The defenders has failed to procur any actual reason why these girls should not know and have a close relationship with their mother as they are naturally inclined to. Using my reactions to justify their abusive and manipulative behavior only further discredits them. It shows a character that is not able to take any accountability; that pushes somebody to their breaking point and then uses their grief as ammunition against them. These are not people that should be in charge of somebody else’s child. Their whole defence is based on my emotional grief after they did what they promised they would never do. Something that would destroy any birth mother. That is not an adequate reason to break a verbal and written agreement to the mother of your child, and not even allow her to send a birthday gift to the children she gave birth to. That is abuse of her and them. Not only are they withholding from the children the love of their mother in an attempt to get revenge on her, but they are robbing the children also, by lying to them.
Almost all adoptees are crying out for their natural mother to show in any small way she acted
For them their whole
Lived and these little
Girls have a mother that is dying for them. That IS giving everything she has for them. What kind of person takes that away? One that “cares” for them? Absolutely not. 

Are we going to continue to disregard DNA, maternal attachment, a newly founded relationship with their mother that was cut off because of jealousy and insecurity and allow two
More adoptees to become another statistic? When will the evidence of adult adoptees, scientific data and adoption experts be enough to prove that this system actually isn’t working for adoptees benefit? That the only real people who benefit, and even that is superficial, are adoptive parents. We cannot lump every birth mother together. We cannot lump every adoption in one. Any yet the women who are incarcerated, addicted, actively using drugs, or have been abusive to their children, are seeing their children more than me. It is not too late to preserve these children’s family and although the Murray’s aren’t backing down, the moment some of this misplaced authority is taken from them, they will have no choice but retreat. This is how you deal with bullies- once the are stood up to they admit defeat because they don’t have anything substantial on their side aside from their egos which are being badly damaged. 

8 years ago I stood with a revocation of consent letter in my hand at the doors of the KCR adoption agency 10 days after my first daughters adoption. This was the last chance I had. And the only thing stopping me from doing everything my mind body and heart was telling me to do, be the mother I was meant to, was how much it would crush Jessica Murray who I knew wanted children and the grief it would cause her. If only I had known how little my grief and loss would mean to them I never would’ve have hesitated with that letter. I could’ve never imagined handing over a piece of myself to strangers that valued me so little that they would break every single promise they made. This is a case of religious abuse.