I am a single mother and a senior citizen. My only child, 28 years old, has not returned home in the past 10+ years since he joined a Korean-based religious group University Bible Fellowship (UBF) in late 2013-early 2014, except for 1.5 years when he was sent back by the UBF to ‘reduce persecution’. We have known the UBF since 2006 when my son was 12 years old and the UBF Korean missionaries and their families were our friends. Now the Korean UBF missionaries and their families have also disappeared from my life together with my son. I get to see my son only a few times a year, typically with each time lasting no more than a meal. I do not know where he lives now since 2018. Our relationship has been increasingly estranged in the years he has been with the UBF. 

I faced many accusations that have not been proven, by the UBF and my son. I tried in vain to reach out to them. I have had no meaningful opportunities to resolve issues raised by my son as mothers normally do. 

His personal growth is puzzling, such as spending 6 years to obtain an undergraduate degree majoring in psychology but ending up taking a job that requires only a high-school diploma.   

Links to my story 

http://ubfriends.org/ubfriends2019/ubf-info/documents/2017-open-letter.html​

https://four.ubfriends.org/other-peoples-sons-and-daughters/

Why I need your support

That this can happen to an innocent mother and a family in Toronto with great child protection laws and freedom of speech is frightening and deeply concerning. It should not happen or be allowed to happen.

From the statements of ex-UBF members and my 18 years of lived experiences knowing UBF, I feel that this estrangement between my son and me is linked to the UBF heritage and practices, and made to look like it was an interpersonal relationship problem between us. If things don’t change, proper healing cannot take place for my son and our relationship. I could continue to be subjected to manipulation and psychological oppression by the UBF through my son, and further escalation of relationship estrangement. 

I have lost 10+ years trying in vain to reach out to my son and the UBF, with the UBF coming in between us. It is important to act immediately as I do not have much time left. 

Just as it has been within the power of the UBF leadership to estrange our relationship to date, it is also within its power to reverse it. 

Please join me in my open letter to the UBF for the healing, and restoration of my family, without its further destructive interference. Please sign this petition! 

University Bible Fellowship (UBF): Background and Resources

• A high-ranking ex-UBF member of 24 years, Brian Karchar, was interviewed by Steven Hassan on the UBF, their heritage, and practices of shepherding in this link. (Steven Hassan is a writer and psychotherapist who has dedicated his life to understanding how the mind and systematic social influence techniques work): https://www.facebook.com/ubfriends/videos/steven-hassan-interview-with-brian-karcher-on-ubf-university-bible-fellowship/267130683990468/ 
• According to Brian, in the UBF, a student's shepherd becomes the student's life-long, self-appointed spiritual and moral advisor. Shepherds are trained to obey and to become new parents for the college student members. Brian has more information on UBF including the testimonies and articles by ex-members: https://ubfriends.org/
• Brian also gave a comprehensive summary of the UBF disciple/sheep and shepherd training with the eventual goals of loyalty to the UBF for life and arranged marriage (known as marriage by faith in the UBF) in the following link: https://wiki.ubfriends.org/index.php?title=UBF_Shepherd_Training_Model
• Esther Ku is a 43-year-old (2023) comedian who grew up in the University Bible Fellowship. Ku recalled many cult-like practices in the UBF. One was the shepherding system. A member who brought in an outside person to church would become a shepherd to the newcomer sheep. The shepherds in this system have power over the sheep under them in a hierarchy-like pyramid scheme. According to Ku, arranging marriages was another strange practice among UBF members. People needed to put their faith in God to find a partner. She had questions about if God exists or if the UBF god exists. She was willing to throw away her relationship with God to get the UBF people to stop controlling her. Read more in “Religion Unplugged – Netflix Show ‘In the Name of God: A Holy Betrayal’ Exposes Cults Thriving in South Korea’ at the following link: https://religionunplugged.com/news/2023/4/7/netflix-show-in-the-name-of-god-a-holy-betrayal-exposes-cults-thriving-in-south-korea
• In 2013, Isabelle Renaud wrote her book ‘I Choose: Subtlety in Cults’. Isabelle joined the UBF when she was in university. She wrote the book to explain how easily someone can get trapped in a controlling group or relationship. The book is not about religion, it is about the organizational structure and emotional manipulation. It is about finding yourself after losing yourself.
  https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/20981871-i-choose
• Churches That Abuse, by Ronald M. Enroth (1992). Chapter 5 of this book is on University Bible Fellowship (UBF) https://www.apologeticsindex.org/738-chapter-5-abusive-churches-use-fear-guilt-and-threats
• So-called Youth Cults and the Occult Wave University Bible Fellowship (pages 132-146) https://culteducation.com/group/1207-university-bible-fellowship/21105-so-called-youth-cults-and-the-occult-wave.html
• Newspapers articles in the 1980s about the UBF on Winnipeg’s campuses: https://www.tumblr.com/ubfriends/170784455947/canada-ubf-winnipeg-ubf-brainwashing
• Ironically, at the 2019 Canadian Summer Bible Conference, Dr. Henry Kim, the UBF Canadian Coordinator at the time, noted this in his speech: ‘Many young people are suffering from hopelessness because they find that the things our culture tells them to hope turn out to be a sham’. See the following link which is active at the time of writing. https://ubf.org/articles/show/15984

Open Letter to University Bible Fellowship (UBF)

The General Director 

University Bible Fellowship (UBF) 

Mr. Ron Ward 

My name is Teng Chow. I am a 66-year-old mother living in Toronto, Canada. My son has been a member of the UBF since 2013-14. But we have known the UBF since 2006 when my son was a child of 12 years old. I was friends with the UBF and trusted my son with the UBF for 7+ years between 2006 and 2013. We attended another church at the same time then.

Things went very wrong in the 10+ years after my son joined the UBF as an adult. My son disappeared from my life together with the UBF. His estrangement from me deepened as time passed. My son developed an unrealistically negative perception of me and revealed his mental health condition. It is very heartbreaking, concerning, and puzzling to see an intelligent young man, a normal, healthy, happy child who thrived in most of his endeavours growing up, struggling with this, taking up a job that requires only a high school diploma after spending 6 years of his life to obtain an undergraduate degree majoring in psychology.    

I was deceived by the UBF for 7+ years when my son was a minor.

Over the years, I have received accusations that could not be proven from the local UBF Korean missionaries and my son. My attempts to reach out to them were met with more accusations, blame, threats, or silent treatment in return, with nothing resolved and no closure.

My family suffered visible damage in relationships and personal growth. I write this open letter about rebuilding our family relationship and healing. This cannot happen without first addressing the UBF heritage and the practice of the UBF shepherding system. 

I understand my son is an adult and joined the UBF of his volition. However, from the statements of ex-members and from reading the UBF discipleship ministry which claimed to model after Jesus who trained his disciples through common life with him (UBF North America Local Chapter Guidelines 2015), I understand that the UBF shepherding system has a top-down authoritarian organization structure, with practices within the closed UBF community whereby lay shepherds exercise power over the lives of their ‘sheep’ or ‘disciples’, such as my son who are in turn expected to obey without questions and be loyal to the UBF.

Many ex-members express great concern about the UBF shepherding system which has caused family estrangement and psychological damage to many young adults. I share this same concern deeply after 18 years of living the experience.

In September 2014, a UBF Korean missionary R, who used to be my trusted good friend, visited me with a moving away gift as the reason for the visit. My son was living in the UBF-controlled 'disciples house' a 10-minute walk away. He had lived there for several months and I was unable to reach him without the UBF being aware.  My tenant was in the house at the time of R’s visit. R told me, among many things, that my son should leave my house because Jesus said so. I brought this up to the local UBF director. He created a big fuss about my son and me having a bad relationship, drawing all attention to that effect. My request to the UBF to be transparent and to clarify the details of R's visit received no response.  

Instead,

-My son responded in a mass email claiming that we had a bad relationship with communication problems, that I was a controlling mother, and that my memory was distorted because I believed people were taking my son away from me, even though he was not present.

-The local chapter director wanted to arrange a meeting with selected people from the UBF and my friends/church members. In this meeting, my son and I would talk with the rest as witnesses. I refused the abnormally controlled meeting. The chapter director did not let me and my son work things out between us in private but acted as though he had authority over me and my son. This interfered with my relationship with my son. 

-In the next month or two, my son visited me twice a week for a meal and stayed no longer than half an hour. At the end of the period, he wrote another mass email claiming our relationship had improved. After that email, his visits gradually reduced. 

-In 2017, in response to my tenant's reminder of the 2014 visit by the UBF Korean missionary R, the local UBF director ridiculed me, accusing me of making up stories. He also gave an account by the UBF Korean missionary R, which hinted I was a problematic person.

To this date, the UBF has not resolved the UBF Korean missionary R's visit transparently.

My son was sent home by the UBF around October 2015. During the 1.5 years that my son was home (October 2015-April 2017), he did not fully move back in with me but left the majority of his belongings at the residence/s of the UBF. 

Every week, from Thursday evening through to Sunday, there would be activities at the UBF that he indicated that he was not to miss. My son moved back home from the UBF ‘disciples house’ with the mentality that he did not want a relationship with me because he was emotionally abused by a problematic mother. 

We went for family counseling. I was assessed by a clinical psychologist and 2 psychiatrists as per my son’s request. All reported there was no concern about my mental health. The psychologist recommended family therapy to work on our communication. A psychiatrist commented that it was very unusual for someone without symptoms to request an assessment. Our family counseling was ended abruptly in the spring of 2017 by my son when he moved out of my home for the second time. 

In a previous therapy in early 2014 that was also abruptly ended by my son, the UBF Korean missionaries had some knowledge and conclusions about our last therapy session. This came to my knowledge in the fall of 2015 when the UBF was investigated by the nearby college for club status renewal. A non-UBF pastor T, who knew both my son and me, forwarded me an email he received from the Korean UBF chapter director pastor P requesting to meet with him and my son, without me. Pastor T declined the meeting without my presence. I quote the writing of the UBF pastor P: ‘Mrs. Teng Chow and ___ were assessed and treated by one of your church member who is psychiatrist because of her trouble with her son. And that doctor advised Mrs. Teng Chow not to meet her son, but have distance because their relationship are so bad’. The UBF pastor P misrepresented. The therapist only asked us not to communicate before the next session, which we never had the chance to attend because my son abruptly ended the therapy. 

Between 2017-2019, my son repeatedly announced in mass emails, with full knowledge of the UBF chapter director, that he was emotionally abused by me when he was a minor which caused his mental health conditions, and that it was unfortunate that he had not reached out to authorities for help in the past. I encouraged him to lodge an abuse report with the police. When he was silent for some time, I called the police for him to report, but he did not provide details. 

Given that the UBF Korean missionaries were our trusted authority for 7+ years when my son was a minor, it is very puzzling and concerning that the UBF did not protect my son by alerting me or the police, as this would have a detrimental impact on his mental well-being.

After this incident, I arranged through a lawyer in 2021-2022, for family counseling. The letter of invitation was sent to the care of the UBF Korean missionary R and her husband because I did not know where my son lived and I last saw him at their address. My son agreed to the family counseling. However, after the third session, the therapist felt he had to suspend further sessions for fear that my son’s dominance in our relationship, his lack of good faith, and his lack of commitment to participate could harm me. The participation would require my son to engage in meeting and communicating with me at an increasing frequency over time to rebuild a meaningful relationship. 

Given the history of interference from the UBF Korean missionaries in our family therapies, I am very concerned about the desire of the UBF to estrange our family relationship.

In 2021, a UBF Korean missionary E sent me this link on estrangement https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/01/why-parents-and-kids-get-estranged/617612/ The link is entitled 'A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement'. Quote from the article on individualized principles: 'Deciding which people to keep in or out of one's life has become an important strategy to achieve that happiness'. Ironically, my son had quoted a very similar individualized strategy in the spring of 2017: 'Even if it was true that an organization was trying to separate parent/child, it could be valid if the parents were abusive which in my case is true. Doesn't matter though, because I had reached the age of majority and can decide which relationships to keep and which to distance.'. The UBF Korean missionary E also wrote this to me in private, 'Please get help for yourself so that you can begin to deal with your situation in a helpful way.' She never responded when I asked her concerning her qualifications to make such a judgement about me and why she sent me the link uninvited, on a semi-public platform. 

I am very concerned about the avoidance of transparency and passing unqualified professional judgement by the UBF Korean missionaries within the closed UBF community with authoritarian leadership, an acceptable UBF practice that goes unnoticed outside of the leadership and the UBF community.

I expect the process of healing and family relationship rebuilding will be a long process requiring the help of independent professionals with no ties to the UBF, who will develop the details and monitor the process. 

I am asking the UBF to stop further estrangement and obstruction in our family relationship restoration linked to the UBF shepherding system (including the practice of common life), to allow the professionals to begin to do their job for the healing process to start. The UBF will be held financially responsible and pay all costs associated with the healing process until healing is complete.