Ladies, gentlemen, and the proud connoisseurs of "niche" content—

Canada is in a trade war. The economy is teetering. Politicians are bickering. And while they slap tariffs on maple syrup and pretend to care about supply chains, we know the one true bargaining chip in this country: high-speed, uninterrupted, premium adult entertainment.

That’s why we, the undersigned, demand that AYLO  take a stand for Canada by slowing American's Pornhub down to agonizing, soul-crushing, dial-up speeds until this trade war is resolved.

Yes, you heard that right.

Remember the  late 90's and early 2000s? The buffering? The endless waiting for just a single frame of questionable decision-making to load? The crushing disappointment when your video stopped at the worst possible moment? We do. And it's time for Americans to experience that pain again.

Let the suits in Ottawa and the boardrooms of foreign conglomerates know:
You mess with our economy, we mess with your dopamine.

We’re talking:
🔥 3-4-minute wait times for a single GIF.
🔥 Videos that stop at 0:27 seconds, just before things get interesting.
🔥 Endless “loading” wheels, forcing introspection and wonder " Is this trade war really worth it?"

We are ready to turn this up from elbows up to fists up. If politicians won’t act, we’ll take matters into our own hands. (Figuratively speaking.)

Sign this petition and let’s fight this trade war the only way that actually matters.

Sincerely,
Christopher W. Quigley