Years and years ago, I was traumatized. Deep in the Australian badlands, I sat eating a mozzarella, ham, and honey mustard sandwich on rye, with a fantastic view of a beaten-up dirt road, a couple of cacti, and a hill. Suddenly, a man in a tank top, boxers with the Batman symbol on them, a cowboy hat, and Converse high-tops waddled across my line of sight. He was wearing aviator sunglasses, and he grinned at me menacingly. The wind picked up, and he disappeared, and I sat there, confused. Suddenly, I heard the whinny of a horse behind me. The aviator crusader, on top of a similarly-dressed horse, was charging towards me. I immediately picked up my sandwich and began to run, but I couldn’t escape. The sound of horse hooves began to draw closer, and I closed my eyes and accepted my fate. When I woke up, I was in a bed with pearly-white bedsheets, in a room with Kelly green wallpaper, grey tile floors, and a nightstand on either side of me, with a large bouquet on my left, and a dim lamp and alarm clock on my right. Everything was blurry. A bubbly woman walked into the room. “Good morning, sunshine!” she said to me. I grumbled. She introduced herself as a nurse. I was in a hospital. “Don’t worry, we just need to monitor your state for a couple more days, and then you’re out of here and back home, good as new!” “H-how… what happened?” I said. “We found you in the desert, unconscious, curled up in a fetal position on the ground, with a flattened sandwich by your side.” I tried to lift my head, but a sharp pain shot up my neck. I laid back down. “I’d recommend you have a bite,” the nurse said, “you haven’t had one since we found you!” and she handed me a bag of VeggieStraws and hurried away. 7 days later, I was dismissed from the hospital. I rode a bus to the Melbourne International Airport and boarded a plane home, courtesy of the hospital. As the plane took off, it began to rain, and suddenly, I saw a familiar silhouette on the other side of the runway. The Aviator Crusader and his demonic horse. He grinned his classic grin and began charging toward the right wing of the plane in the torrential rain. We began to soar higher, and higher, and the Crusader became smaller and smaller, and suddenly, a flash of lightning blinded me, and when I was able to see again, he was gone.

Sinking Australia could prevent the Aviator Crusader from ever hurting or traumatizing anyone again.

#SinkAustralia