Petition to Protect Bangladesh Cricket From the Shoaib Ali Curse

We, the deeply concerned supporters of Bangladesh cricket, are calling for immediate action against one man:

Shoaib Ali.

We have noticed a disturbing and highly suspicious pattern.

Whenever Shoaib Ali goes to the stadium to watch the Bangladesh cricket team play, something goes terribly wrong.

The team doesn't just lose.

They collapse.

Batting collapses.

Bowling collapses.

Fielding collapses.

Our hopes collapse.

And, occasionally, our mental health collapses.

At this point, coincidence can no longer be ignored.

The Evidence

We are not claiming that Shoaib Ali actually causes Bangladesh to lose.

We are simply asking the important questions:

Why does Bangladesh suddenly forget how to play cricket when Shoaib is in the stadium?

Why do our batsmen suddenly forget how to hold a bat?

Why do our bowlers suddenly forget where the stumps are?

Why does every promising match turn into a national emergency?

And most importantly:

Why is Shoaib still buying stadium tickets?

Our Demands

We respectfully demand that the Bangladesh cricket authorities immediately:

Investigate Shoaib Ali's stadium attendance history.

Compare Bangladesh's performances when Shoaib is present versus when he watches from home.

Temporarily restrict Shoaib from attending Bangladesh matches until further investigation is completed.

If Bangladesh wins while Shoaib is watching from home, consider this Exhibit A.

If Bangladesh loses badly while Shoaib is in the stadium again, we demand an immediate emergency meeting.

Shoaib must understand that watching the match from his sofa is a perfectly acceptable alternative.

We Are Not Asking for Much

We are not asking Shoaib to stop supporting Bangladesh.

Quite the opposite.

We want him to support Bangladesh from a safe distance.

Watch the match on TV.

Watch it on your phone.

Listen to it on the radio.

Just please...

Stay away from the stadium.

Because at this point, Bangladesh cricket fans have suffered enough.

This petition is completely satirical and made for fun. We have absolutely no scientific evidence that Shoaib Ali affects cricket results.

But until someone proves otherwise...

Shoaib, please. For the sake of Bangladesh cricket.

#StayHomeShoaib

#SaveBangladeshCricket

#BanShoaibFromTheStadium

#JusticeForBangladeshFans

Sign this petition if you believe Shoaib should watch Bangladesh matches from home until Bangladesh finally wins comfortably. 🇧🇩🏏😂