Stop the practice of placing Women suffering Pregnancy loss in Maternity Wards
The issue
In Australia every day,
6 babies are born still.
A miscarriage occurs every 3.5 minutes.
1 in 4 pregnancies will end in loss.
We must put an end to the outdated practice of placing women suffering pregnancy loss in Maternity Wards.
My Story...
*Missed Miscarriage is the term used when a baby has passed away but remains in the uterus.
While this may not be everyone’s idea of healing, for many reason’s the actual birth of my first missed m/c was.
The m/c was discovered when I experienced some bleeding and had an ultrasound. We went home and about a week later supported in my husband’s arms in our lounge room at home, I experienced strong contractions exactly like you would in a regular full-term labour. Our baby was born complete in its sac and we were in awe of its tiny body as we held it in the palm of our hands. We were supported by KEMH who cremated our baby and returned it with love. We now have our baby at home in a little urn.
Fast forward 10 years with one healthy baby girl in between we were instantly in love with our Surprise baby number 4.
The early days were a roller coaster. I was worried on an intuitive level that I would not carry this baby to term and with some implantation bleeding (also experienced in my last pregnancy), an empty sac in my first ultrasound, questionable hcg levels but then finally the joy of a heartbeat happy celebrations with those close to us, with no signs of anything wrong I had finally relaxed and began to really enjoy my pregnancy. I was ready to announce our Surprise to the rest of our friends & family, hopefully with a nice wee 3d scan photo. But it was during that scan my heart broke once again into a million pieces. Very quickly, within seconds it, felt he told me he was deeply sorry, but it would seem I had miscarried, there was no longer a flickering heartbeat. Further investigation confirmed this and while I appreciate they did their utmost to support me, I just wanted to leave with my broken heart.
I was referred over to my amazing GP who saw me straight away and explained my options. I had thought I’d try the misoprostal to help things along and hopefully speed up the healing process both physically and emotionally but I was told I will need to head over to the Pregnancy assessment unit at the Hospital as she was unable to prescribe it. The same place where we had weeks earlier cried with joy about our baby’s healthy little heartbeat. The place women with beautiful round bellies sit smiling at their ultrasounds. I know, not all women there have happy endings, but I was just not psychologically ready to be there.
We spent the night with family, soaking up the much-needed support and decided we would go home and wait it out. I am quite natural in my approach to health so I used lots of natural remedies with the hope I would avoid hospital. The only thing this seemed to do is ease my guilt that maybe something I did caused this, because I used almost everything they tell you not to use in pregnancy that supposedly causes contractions and miscarriage and a week later my body was still showing no signs of there being anything wrong. It began to be hard to accept the loss at times and recurrent dreams of twins didn’t help. Maybe one had lived? I still feel pregnant.
I decided it was time and I felt strong enough to face the clinic. The Dr was wonderful and scanned me for my own piece of mind, baby had definitely passed but she commented there actually was a possible second sac? However it was empty so my small glimmer of hope turned into reality, there would be no baby, or babies, It was an emotional moment for both myself and my Husband.
With my mind at ease I decided to take the surgical route. Again, the Dr went out of her way, and got me in right away which was appreciated.
I would consider myself a resilient person. My journey through life has made me stronger than I had realised til recently when my daughter had heart surgery. I finally recognised the strength in myself that others have often commented on. I have noticed that I have coped with this loss much better than the last loss, though to be real, it did almost break me.
As we completed some paperwork, a mother with her newborn walked past and tears sprung to my eyes, but while obviously sad I did feel ok and I was ready to start the process of moving forward.
We made our way up to level 2 and followed the directions given to us by the girl at the desk to the ward. We got to where we thought we were meant to be, turning to the right as she said but the small sign read MATERNITY. We walked back in forth thinking we are in the wrong place, surely they would not be so ridiculously cruel as to send me there!
My heart jumped into my throat after asking an orderly and being directed into the maternity ward. I could not believe it.
Less than half the way down the corridor I froze. The cries of newborn babies felt like someone ripped my heart straight out of my chest. I felt the hottest wave of emotion completely overcome me. I said to my husband “I can’t do this”, “I cannot be here”.
Feeling as if it was too late to back out, one foot in front of the other I walked to the Desk where I asked, “Am I in the right place?, Surely I am not in the right place?” The midwives looked with empathy in their faces and confirmed my fear. I was to sit in my room processing the impending physical loss of my baby, whilst hearing the sounds of new babies crying, and looking at pictures on the wall of how to breastfeed.
I was mortified. And I was angry. What about all the women that have came before me? Those with no children. Those suffering infertility. Those suffering recurrent pregnancy loss losing every bit of hope they will ever have children. Those who have no support. Those who are not as strong as me.
And then the epitome of cruelty, those women suffering the loss of their baby born still.
What an absolute disgrace. How can they do this to women, and men!
The process that followed was also difficult, wheeled into the intimately small pre op area surrounded by other people, absolutely no privacy, feeling overcome with grief and feeling fully exposed, naked under my gown, probably bleeding from the misoprostal and just very alone. I told myself there was probably someone going through worse things than me and stared into the curtain wishing time away.
I was returned to the ward, slightly grateful for the drugs they had given me which went a long way to helping with the fact my womb was empty and there was a very unsettled newborn in the room next door.
I left vowing to do my best to change this for all future bereaved Mamma’s.
In Australia, in 2020, an era of liberalism, social progress, and greater awareness to the fundamental human needs and rights than ever before, there is no excuse for the practice of placing a women suffering pregnancy loss of any gestation from first trimester to babies born still, in a Maternity Ward.
I feel it is likely important to consider the link between this and the similarly outdated nature of taboo surrounding pregnancy loss, and the announcement of pregnancies prior to 12 weeks.
It’s as if we have adopted a generational ideology whereby women are to suffer in silence, much like the taboo surrounding DV and I feel there’s a strong connection to this ideology and the dark age approach to care you would expect to hear about from someone in your Grandmothers era, certainly not in 2020! Going forward I can only hope none of my daughters have to go through this experience and it is a conversation they will have about the cruel practices of the “old days” back in 2020.
It is surprising that no new support has been provided in early pregnancy to empower women to share their pregnancy news when they feel they’re ready, rather than at the now socially acceptable “safe” 12 week milestone, when it is well documented that the psychological distress of the pregnancy not being recognized by society coupled with the social isolation and loneliness felt by women suffering pregnancy loss are key contributors to their mental wellbeing and subsequently depression in 20% of women, experienced in the 1-3 years following. I can personally attest to an extremely contrasting experience between not sharing my previous pregnancy that ended in loss and sharing this pregnancy and the subsequent loss. The isolation and loneliness I felt in the previous loss made the grieving process significantly more difficult.
When a non-pregnancy related death occurs, families are able to openly mourn and be supported in their grief journey but as it is not traditional to speak of pregnancy before 12 weeks, miscarriage or still birth, the vast majority of Women and Men affected suffer in silence, despite the fact that with 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in loss it is likely at least one friend or family member has experienced pregnancy loss at some point and could likely be of a great comfort. A study published in Obstetrics & Gynaecology by the Director of the program for Early and Recurrent Pregnancy loss at Albert Einstein College, showed that when women had a friend who revealed they had a miscarriage, 46% of participants said they felt less alone.
We have come a long way so far with women’s rights, but we seem to still have a very long way to go.
Please stop admitting women suffering pregnancy loss into Maternity Ward's.
146
The issue
In Australia every day,
6 babies are born still.
A miscarriage occurs every 3.5 minutes.
1 in 4 pregnancies will end in loss.
We must put an end to the outdated practice of placing women suffering pregnancy loss in Maternity Wards.
My Story...
*Missed Miscarriage is the term used when a baby has passed away but remains in the uterus.
While this may not be everyone’s idea of healing, for many reason’s the actual birth of my first missed m/c was.
The m/c was discovered when I experienced some bleeding and had an ultrasound. We went home and about a week later supported in my husband’s arms in our lounge room at home, I experienced strong contractions exactly like you would in a regular full-term labour. Our baby was born complete in its sac and we were in awe of its tiny body as we held it in the palm of our hands. We were supported by KEMH who cremated our baby and returned it with love. We now have our baby at home in a little urn.
Fast forward 10 years with one healthy baby girl in between we were instantly in love with our Surprise baby number 4.
The early days were a roller coaster. I was worried on an intuitive level that I would not carry this baby to term and with some implantation bleeding (also experienced in my last pregnancy), an empty sac in my first ultrasound, questionable hcg levels but then finally the joy of a heartbeat happy celebrations with those close to us, with no signs of anything wrong I had finally relaxed and began to really enjoy my pregnancy. I was ready to announce our Surprise to the rest of our friends & family, hopefully with a nice wee 3d scan photo. But it was during that scan my heart broke once again into a million pieces. Very quickly, within seconds it, felt he told me he was deeply sorry, but it would seem I had miscarried, there was no longer a flickering heartbeat. Further investigation confirmed this and while I appreciate they did their utmost to support me, I just wanted to leave with my broken heart.
I was referred over to my amazing GP who saw me straight away and explained my options. I had thought I’d try the misoprostal to help things along and hopefully speed up the healing process both physically and emotionally but I was told I will need to head over to the Pregnancy assessment unit at the Hospital as she was unable to prescribe it. The same place where we had weeks earlier cried with joy about our baby’s healthy little heartbeat. The place women with beautiful round bellies sit smiling at their ultrasounds. I know, not all women there have happy endings, but I was just not psychologically ready to be there.
We spent the night with family, soaking up the much-needed support and decided we would go home and wait it out. I am quite natural in my approach to health so I used lots of natural remedies with the hope I would avoid hospital. The only thing this seemed to do is ease my guilt that maybe something I did caused this, because I used almost everything they tell you not to use in pregnancy that supposedly causes contractions and miscarriage and a week later my body was still showing no signs of there being anything wrong. It began to be hard to accept the loss at times and recurrent dreams of twins didn’t help. Maybe one had lived? I still feel pregnant.
I decided it was time and I felt strong enough to face the clinic. The Dr was wonderful and scanned me for my own piece of mind, baby had definitely passed but she commented there actually was a possible second sac? However it was empty so my small glimmer of hope turned into reality, there would be no baby, or babies, It was an emotional moment for both myself and my Husband.
With my mind at ease I decided to take the surgical route. Again, the Dr went out of her way, and got me in right away which was appreciated.
I would consider myself a resilient person. My journey through life has made me stronger than I had realised til recently when my daughter had heart surgery. I finally recognised the strength in myself that others have often commented on. I have noticed that I have coped with this loss much better than the last loss, though to be real, it did almost break me.
As we completed some paperwork, a mother with her newborn walked past and tears sprung to my eyes, but while obviously sad I did feel ok and I was ready to start the process of moving forward.
We made our way up to level 2 and followed the directions given to us by the girl at the desk to the ward. We got to where we thought we were meant to be, turning to the right as she said but the small sign read MATERNITY. We walked back in forth thinking we are in the wrong place, surely they would not be so ridiculously cruel as to send me there!
My heart jumped into my throat after asking an orderly and being directed into the maternity ward. I could not believe it.
Less than half the way down the corridor I froze. The cries of newborn babies felt like someone ripped my heart straight out of my chest. I felt the hottest wave of emotion completely overcome me. I said to my husband “I can’t do this”, “I cannot be here”.
Feeling as if it was too late to back out, one foot in front of the other I walked to the Desk where I asked, “Am I in the right place?, Surely I am not in the right place?” The midwives looked with empathy in their faces and confirmed my fear. I was to sit in my room processing the impending physical loss of my baby, whilst hearing the sounds of new babies crying, and looking at pictures on the wall of how to breastfeed.
I was mortified. And I was angry. What about all the women that have came before me? Those with no children. Those suffering infertility. Those suffering recurrent pregnancy loss losing every bit of hope they will ever have children. Those who have no support. Those who are not as strong as me.
And then the epitome of cruelty, those women suffering the loss of their baby born still.
What an absolute disgrace. How can they do this to women, and men!
The process that followed was also difficult, wheeled into the intimately small pre op area surrounded by other people, absolutely no privacy, feeling overcome with grief and feeling fully exposed, naked under my gown, probably bleeding from the misoprostal and just very alone. I told myself there was probably someone going through worse things than me and stared into the curtain wishing time away.
I was returned to the ward, slightly grateful for the drugs they had given me which went a long way to helping with the fact my womb was empty and there was a very unsettled newborn in the room next door.
I left vowing to do my best to change this for all future bereaved Mamma’s.
In Australia, in 2020, an era of liberalism, social progress, and greater awareness to the fundamental human needs and rights than ever before, there is no excuse for the practice of placing a women suffering pregnancy loss of any gestation from first trimester to babies born still, in a Maternity Ward.
I feel it is likely important to consider the link between this and the similarly outdated nature of taboo surrounding pregnancy loss, and the announcement of pregnancies prior to 12 weeks.
It’s as if we have adopted a generational ideology whereby women are to suffer in silence, much like the taboo surrounding DV and I feel there’s a strong connection to this ideology and the dark age approach to care you would expect to hear about from someone in your Grandmothers era, certainly not in 2020! Going forward I can only hope none of my daughters have to go through this experience and it is a conversation they will have about the cruel practices of the “old days” back in 2020.
It is surprising that no new support has been provided in early pregnancy to empower women to share their pregnancy news when they feel they’re ready, rather than at the now socially acceptable “safe” 12 week milestone, when it is well documented that the psychological distress of the pregnancy not being recognized by society coupled with the social isolation and loneliness felt by women suffering pregnancy loss are key contributors to their mental wellbeing and subsequently depression in 20% of women, experienced in the 1-3 years following. I can personally attest to an extremely contrasting experience between not sharing my previous pregnancy that ended in loss and sharing this pregnancy and the subsequent loss. The isolation and loneliness I felt in the previous loss made the grieving process significantly more difficult.
When a non-pregnancy related death occurs, families are able to openly mourn and be supported in their grief journey but as it is not traditional to speak of pregnancy before 12 weeks, miscarriage or still birth, the vast majority of Women and Men affected suffer in silence, despite the fact that with 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in loss it is likely at least one friend or family member has experienced pregnancy loss at some point and could likely be of a great comfort. A study published in Obstetrics & Gynaecology by the Director of the program for Early and Recurrent Pregnancy loss at Albert Einstein College, showed that when women had a friend who revealed they had a miscarriage, 46% of participants said they felt less alone.
We have come a long way so far with women’s rights, but we seem to still have a very long way to go.
Please stop admitting women suffering pregnancy loss into Maternity Ward's.
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Petition created on 16 November 2020