Hare in America, it’s time for the rabbit deployment of bunny goodness to save our nation’s neo-Roman death-match-by-slow-smoldering-concussion. 

Nothing unites Americans like bunnies. Some love to cuddle them and feed them carrots, some like to shoot them with their AR-15 hunting tools, but everyone loves having one in their sight(s).

Anyone can see that Americans will eagerly go down any rabbit hole they find. We spend tons of time, energy and money arguing about which hole is the home of the magic truth rabbit. Most of the time we find a chipmunk, but that doesn’t deter us from our love of burrowing deeper. After you’ve dug 100 feet, it’s hard to give up. Nothing unites Americans like meaningless labor and controversy. 

So hop to it, make it like bunnies and sign this petition. Tell all your friends and Romans to lend their ears to the “Hare in America” movement. Shout it from the bal-coney! Save our country with a cute little musical rainbow unicorn kitten. 

(Did you know that a baby bunny is called a kitten? Who doesn’t love those?

The bunny can also play electric guitar if that is more main-stream for the youth of today.)