As grieving parents, we never imagined the place we laid our beloved daughter Lila to rest would become a source of continuous problems with unsympathetic regulations. Lila passed away unexpectedly on the 28th of December 2023, and we buried her at St Mary's Church in Hyde, Tameside on the 26th of January 2024. Initially, the Church provided the comfort we needed. However, we are now in conflict with them because of their celebration of outdated and cruel rules prohibiting us from honoring our daughter with personal memorial items besides floral tributes. We feel these rules inflict further pain on us, a pain that any parent grieving their child should never have to endure.

The problems started a few months after picking and paying a deposit for our daughters headstone. The headstone was ordered and a deposit paid after the Vicar advised the headstone would be ok. Part way through making the headstone, we were then told the shape of the headstone did not co-inside with the Church of England's Regulations. Due to the headstone already being made, and a deposit paid, we then had to apply for a faculty. £340 in total the Faculty cost which went to the Diocese of Chester. Our application went above a Judge and the Judge granted the headstone the go ahead. Whilst the headstone was being made, we planted some flowers at the back of where the headstone was to go and placed some white stones around the two conifer trees on either side of our daughters resting place to brighten the area, we were then asked to remove these or they would be removed by the Church, to which we did.

On the day our daughters headstone was fitted, we were greeted by the Church warden of the parish, who had removed our daughters four windmills and placed them on a rubbish pile, I questioned why these had been removed and his reply was; 'we don't approve of tatt in the graveyard' This was an already traumatic time as a mother, but to be greeted with such animosity over a few windmills was really cruel and felt as though it was a personal attack. Once the headstone was on our daughters plot we then requested to reserve plots for me and her Father, so we could be buried near our daughter when the time comes. We were told their would be room originally by our daughters funeral director and grave digger, however the Church disagreed, causing another meeting with multiple people from different services. The meeting was held and we were granted we could be buried next to our Child if we removed the 'curbing and artificial grass we had placed on our daughter grave' Upon removing the Artificial grass I noticed a hole in the middle of our daughters grave that went right down into her grave, I consulted our Vicar to be advised they had placed metal rods down her grave to measure the depth, they had already been given the grave measurements by the Grave digger we used. We were not asked if we wanted this invasive procedure to be performed and when I questioned why it was done without our consent we were told that we did not own our daughters grave.

The final straw has been this week, where we have now been told to remove all items off our little girls resting place and to only have flower or floral tributes on the plinth of the headstone, if we don't remove them they will be removed. My daughters first Halloween and first Christmas without her is coming up and all I want to do is make her resting place nice and reflect the beautiful character she was. Friends and family leave tributes to her and as grieving parents it means the world to see that people are visiting her and leaving memorial tributes or items that reflect what our daughter meant to them. I have tried to discuss with the Church my feelings of grief and how her resting place brings us some sort of comfort at this horrific time but each time we are faced with hostility. 

Unfortunately, this is not an isolated case. Across the United Kingdom, bereaved families face stringent rules regarding the memorialization at children’s gravesides. We believe a child's resting place should be a place of comfort and solace, allowing for expressions of love and personality that truly represent the vibrant young lives that were lost far too soon. The rules must be updated to reflect a more compassionate and understanding approach.

We, the bereaved parents, call for national reconsideration of these outdated regulations, advocating for a kinder and more sympathetic policy that recognizes the unique and personal grief of losing a child. For our Lila, and for all the children gone too soon, we ask you to stand with us. Please sign this petition.