Every year, thousands of mothers in Virginia escape abusive marriages only to face a new nightmare: a family court system weaponized by their abusers.  Our current laws are failing Virginia families.  Judges routinely overlook documented histories of domestic abuse to order forced visitation, while abusers exploit unscientific "parental alienation" claims to punish protective mothers.  Off the court docks, these men continue their torment through financial and litigation abuse.  Worse, Virginia’s outdated child support and alimony guidelines fail to reflect today's high cost of living, leaving mothers bankrupted and unable to afford legal counsel to fight back.  We are demanding that Virginia Senators and lawmakers take immediate action to protect women and children. 

Sign this petition to demand:  1) Mandatory, evidence-based domestic violence and coercive control training for all family court judges;  2) Strict limits on weaponized "parental alienation" counterclaims when abuse is present; and, 3) Upgraded child support and alimony guidelines that match the real cost of living.

Dear Governor Abigail Spanberger, Senator Mark Warner, Senator Tim Kaine, and the Members of the Virginia General Assembly,

We are writing to you today as your constituents to urge immediate attention and legislative reform to the family court system in the Commonwealth of Virginia.  Currently, our system is failing one of our most vulnerable populations: single mothers who have escaped abusive marriages.  Rather than providing safety and equitable resolution, the legal process frequently allows abusive ex-partners to weaponize the courts, leaving women and their children exposed to ongoing psychological and financial devastation.

1. The Overlooking of Domestic Abuse in Custody and Visitation

A systemic and perilous trend persists in family courts where judges overlook credible allegations of domestic and intimate partner abuse, prioritizing forced visitation and co-parenting at all costs.  High-profile case studies and domestic violence data show that when a mother raises allegations of abuse during custody disputes, the allegations are frequently dismissed as strategic ploys.

The negative consequences of these rulings are severe.  Children are routinely forced into unsupervised visitation or custody arrangements with an abusive parent.  This exposure results in direct trauma, physical danger, and severe regression in the child’s emotional well-being, directly contradicting the state’s obligation to protect them.

2. The Weaponization of "Parental Alienation" Against Mothers

Abusive ex-partners do not stop their abuse when the marriage ends.  Instead, they shift their tactics, frequently using the children to continue emotional abuse and systematically undermine the mother.

When protective mothers attempt to shield their children from this ongoing harm, abusive fathers frequently counter-accuse the mother of "parental alienation."  Psychological and legal studies demonstrate a deeply troubling pattern: the concept of parental alienation is frequently weaponized by abusers to deflect from their own documented history of domestic violence and abuse.  Research shows that abusers continue to actively undermine and alienate the mother, fracturing the crucial maternal-child bond.  This psychological manipulation leaves children in a state of chronic stress, confusion, and emotional distress.

3. Outdated Financial Guidelines and Financial/Litigation Abuse

Virginia's child support and alimony statutory formulas are woefully outdated and fail to reflect the modern cost of living, inflation, and skyrocketing housing expenses.

• Career Pauses:  Women who paused or sacrificed their career trajectories to raise families enter the post-divorce market at a severe economic disadvantage.
• Inadequate Support:  The support figures mandated by current guidelines are entirely insufficient to cover basic necessities for the children, let alone secure safe housing.
• Litigation Abuse:  Because these women lack financial resources, they cannot afford the high cost of legal representation.  Abusive ex-husbands exploit this disparity by engaging in "litigation abuse,” filing endless, frivolous motions and dragging out court proceedings to intentionally bankrupt the mother and force her into submission.

4. Redefining the True "Best Interest of the Child"

Virginia Code § 20-124.3 explicitly outlines the factors court must consider to determine the "best interest of the child."  While the statute commands judges to consider the history of abuse and the frequent contact of parents, the current application prioritizes the quantity of parental contact over the safety and quality of the environment.

True enforcement of the "best interest of the child" standard must recognize that a child’s safety, emotional stability, and protection from an abuser are paramount.  A child cannot thrive when their primary caregiver—the mother—is being systematically destroyed by ongoing financial, litigation, and emotional abuse through forced visitation channels.

A Plea for Urgent Legislative Action

We demand action. We must change and strengthen Virginia’s laws to protect women and children from post-separation abuse.  We urge you to champion and support legislation that:

1) Mandates comprehensive, evidence-based training on domestic violence, coercive control, and trauma for all family court judges, custody evaluators, and guardians ad litem.

2) Restricts the use of unscientific "parental alienation" theories when credible domestic abuse allegations are present.

3) Updates child support and spousal support statutory guidelines to align with the real cost of living, and creates stronger penalties for litigation abuse.

Our laws must stop protecting abusers under the guise of parental rights and start protecting the actual lives of Virginia’s children.  We look forward to hearing your position on this critical matter and learning what concrete steps your office will take to address this crisis.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned Citizens and Advocates of Virginia