Petition to Recognize the Banana Hoard as a Historic Homeland
To: The Moderators, The Algorithm, The United Fruit Council, and Concerned Digital Citizens Everywhere

We, the undersigned, are calling for immediate recognition of the Banana Hoard as a Historic Homeland and Permanent Sanctuary for all those who have suffered under the endless color wars of RED and BLUE.

Whereas:
The Banana Hoard, long regarded as a sacred, disputed, and strategically vital territory, has been the site of countless conflicts between Kremlings, Kongs, and third-party agitators;
The REDs claim the bananas were entrusted to them by ancient prophecy; the BLUEs say the bananas have always been communal property, best distributed by a neutral barrel;
King K. Rool’s assertion of sovereignty over the Banana Hoard has resulted in endless escalation, meme warfare, and color-coded outrage across every comment section from Facebook to Fox News;
Barrels are being rolled, bananas are being embargoed, and the sacred right to post a Donkey Kong gif in peace is under existential threat;
Therefore, we demand:
Immediate recognition of the Banana Hoard as an autonomous digital homeland, free from outside RED or BLUE interference, governed by the principles of Peaceful Posting, Infinite Respawn, and Mutual Respect for All Fruits (except coconuts, for obvious reasons).
A formal moratorium on weaponized barrels, hate-reacts, and false-flag banana memes in all major forums.
A Truth & Reconciliation Commission to investigate all historical claims, lost bananas, and the origins of the phrase “It’s just a barrel, bro.”
An annual Banana Ceasefire Day, where REDs, BLUES, and all other avatars agree to post nothing but bananas in solidarity.
If you believe in a future where RED and BLUE can finally log off, and where the Banana Hoard can be enjoyed by all, regardless of color, signature, or meme alignment, add your name below.
Bananas for all. Barrels for none.
The color war ends here—or it doesn’t, but at least we’ll have potassium.