At the moment, our national anthem is "God Save The Queen" which is a terribly dreary piece of music with words that glorify our dysfunctional  and increasingly redundant royal family. At important national events we are encouraged to sing at least one verse of an anthem whose sixth verse implores God to "crush the Scots" ... I think we can safely say that the fact that this dirge is categorically not a "banger" is the lesser of its problems. How can we be expected to feel a sense of national pride as we mumble our way arhytmically through a song asking a fictional deity to save a rich old lady from a German family?

This petition proposes that we get rid of the current national anthem and replace it with "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life". Why? Because it represents the British national character and sense of humour far better than the current song, it's catchy, everyone already knows it and it would be the first national anthem in history with whistling in it! Instead of being pompous and backward looking, it is funny and self-deprecating.

The proposed lyrics are below:

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And

Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing
And

Always look on the bright side of life
(Come on)
Always look on the right side of life

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow

So always look on the bright side of death
A just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughin' as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And

Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life
(C'mon Queenie, cheer up)
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the bright side of life