According to the National Center for State Courts, Parental Alienation is defined as:

“A strategy whereby one parent intentionally displays to the child unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent. The purpose of this strategy is to damage the child's relationship with the other parent and to turn the child's emotions against that other parent.”

Parental Alienation is a legal form of both child abuse and domestic abuse in the State of Oklahoma. As long as the child victim is unaware it is happening, there is nothing the parent victim, law enforcement, Child Protective Services/DHS, the courts, doctors/therapists, can or will do. Until the child is aware of the abuse, there is nothing you or anyone else can do. This is a form of domestic abuse that is  facilitated by our Family and Domestic courts. The child victim is not the target of this abuse, but the weapon utilized to inflict emotional distress on the parent victim. The child does not know they are being abused. 

Family and domestic courts in our state do not and will not act on allegations of Parental Alienation unless the child victim his/herself brings it to the attention of the court. This means the parent victim has no legal options available to bring this form of abuse to the attention of the courts. 

Family and Domestic Courts serve two main purposes when it comes to determining custody: 

1. The custody arrangement should be determined on the best interests of the child.
2. To preserve and unify the family unit.

The court’s inability to acknowledge, investigate, and act upon instances of Parental Alienation is in direct conflict with the missions of the court. This failure is keeping children in abusive situations and destroying the family unit.

The only options the State of Oklahoma provides in this situation are devastating. Because the child is unaware of the abuse, family and reconciliation counseling is often futile and can backfire if counseling occurs at all. Family and Reconciliation counseling is the biggest threat to this form of abuse, and the parent is unlikely to consent to the child victim attending counseling with the parent victim. The healing process with the child victim usually occurs in adulthood after years and years of abuse/parental alienation. If the parental alienation abuse is severe enough to cause the parent victim distress, they may be advised to terminate their parental rights as the only option available to stop the abusive behavior. As parental alienation is not recognized in Oklahoma, the third option is to pursue civil litigation under harassment statutes. The claim will most likely be rejected on the grounds of being relevant to Family and Domestic Court. Family and Domestic Court will reject the claims unless the child asks for help. It is a never ending cycle the courts refuse to acknowledge. Parental Alienation is unlikely to result in the approval of an Order of Protection unless there are clear threats to the life and physical safety to the parent victim. Parental Alienation is a loophole in our laws and statutes that is exploited in order to freely commit domestic and child abuse without a fear of consequences.

The goal of Parental Alienation is to facilitate an estrangement between the child and other parent. The child is often rewarded and praised when issues with the other parent arise and punished when a positive interaction occurs. The parent often relocates to a distance of several hours, sometimes out of state or across country, in order to place a physical distance between the child victim and parent victim. The parent often chooses a destination with no familial or friend relations in order to isolate the child from any support system that may expose the alienation attempts. 

I am writing this petition to demand the State of Oklahoma acknowledge this loophole in our child abuse, domestic abuse, and harassment statutes. Oklahoma needs to close this loophole and establish statutes that clearly classify and define Parental Alienation as an official form of abuse that is relevant in Family and Domestic court with a well defined path of prevention, reconciliation, and consequences to the offender  under abuse and harassment statutes. The current preventatives include the mandatory course “Helping Children Cope With Divorce” and high conflict parenting workshops. Guardian Ad Litems, another preventative, in Oklahoma are often attorneys with no training on forensic child psychology and identifying the red flags of Parental Alienation and abuse. GALs are futile in instances of Parental Alienation unless the child directly tells them of the abuse. GALs are a voice for the child and often become unknowing facilitators of this abuse as a result. Sometimes a Parenting Coordinator will be appointed as a middleman between the parents, but courts are often reluctant to do this. This inability and unwillingness of courts to hear instances of Parental Alienation has destroyed countless families, children, and lives. It will continue to do so unless “We The People” stand up and demand change.

Parental Alienation is often a cycle that runs in families that repeats through the generations. The only way we can stop the cycle is to pass and enforce laws that treat Parental Alienation as the forms of abuse it is with the same protections for victims guaranteed by the law.

In Oklahoma most of my generation grew up with the “Child Abuse is Not OK” initiative against child abuse. It seems as though Child Abuse is OK as long as it only hurts the other parent. It’s time Oklahoma calls Parental Alienation by it’s true name, abuse.  Oklahoma, you can do better.

For more information regarding Parental Alienation please check out these sources:

https://www.ncsc.org/__data/assets/pdf_file/0014/42152/parental_alienation_Lewis.pdf​

https://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml​

https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/treatment-and-prevention-parental-alienation​

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/children-with-narcissistic-parental-alienation-syndrome​

https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/parental-alienation-syndrome​

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/enlightened-living/202208/why-parental-alienation-is-form-domestic-abuse​

http://www.naasca.org/2015-Articles/061415-ParentalAlienation=DV-JoanKloth.htm