To the distinguished decision makers at Oz Lotteries,

We, the undersigned victims of near misses, false hope, and “better luck next time” emails, formally submit this petition demanding immediate corrective action regarding our lottery outcomes.

For years, we have shown unwavering loyalty by:

Purchasing tickets with blind optimism
Manifesting jackpots with alarming confidence
Planning imaginary holidays and retirement before the draw
Spending hypothetical winnings we did not yet possess
Checking tickets like archaeologists searching for a new species
Despite these efforts, the majority of us continue to receive either:

Absolutely nothing
“Congratulations” notifications worth less than a parking meter
Emotional damage
Meanwhile, Sharon from Facebook continues to mysteriously win enough money every second week to renovate her kitchen, buy jet skis, and post inspirational captions about “hard work paying off.”

We therefore demand the following:

One major jackpot win for the friend group
Financial freedom effective immediately
At minimum, winnings large enough to justify screenshots
Compensation for years spent saying “Imagine if we won”
A permanent exemption from setting morning alarms
Failure to address these concerns may result in:

Dramatic sighing during future draws
Public sulking
Continuing to buy tickets anyway because we never learn
By signing below, we confirm that:

We are emotionally prepared to become rich
We already have outfits planned for our millionaire era
We would remain humble (however, this is not legally binding)

Sign this petition to demand that Oz Lotteries stop financially overlooking us and finally provide the life-changing millionaire experience we have patiently and emotionally prepared for.
sincerely, 

Future Millionaires Association