We, the undersigned, believe the UC Santa Cruz dorms simply don’t have enough mold to truly capture the spirit of a coastal university nestled in the redwoods. While some students have been lucky enough to experience the rich, earthy ambiance of green and black speckles creeping across their ceilings, many others are left with bare, lifeless walls. This inequality is unacceptable and must be addressed immediately.

Adding more mold will not only create a more authentic “Santa Cruz experience” but will also provide valuable educational opportunities. Biology majors could enjoy hands-on research just steps away from their beds, while art students would gain daily inspiration from the ever-shifting textures and hues of their fungal roommates. It’s an interdisciplinary masterpiece waiting to happen.

Therefore, we demand that the university commit to a comprehensive mold-expansion plan. This includes, but is not limited to, leaving showers perpetually damp, ensuring broken windows remain sealed shut for maximum humidity, and adding Mold Analysis (MA) as a GE requirement. Together, we can transform the UCSC dorms into a living, breathing ecosystem that future Banana Slugs will be proud to call home.