Minecraft is a dead game. These days, many people overlook it as parents delete Pocket edition from their child’s iPod touches in droves. An issue such as this makes us return to one of the central feelings that we experience when we learn of a despicable human rights issue, “why are people like this?!,” which is one I experience quite often.
As it turns out, my extensive research on this topic has unearthed the truth of the matter. People aren’t to blame. In fact, “why are people like this” is the incorrect question to ask. Our studies show that the extreme disinterest experienced by Minecraft creators Mojang at the hands of their target audience is due to a subtle feature of the subconscious mind.
As shown by the Bryant-Dixon theorem of Minecraft interest sublimation, the root of the disinterest is due to lack of new variety in blocks. Ever since the 11.1 update, Minecraft has been lacking in the new block department. My colleague and friend Carrington P. Bryant has proposed a groundbreaking fix, but Mojang won’t take notice. By replacing every single grass block with the Dwayne Johnson grass block, simulated Minecraft purchases among a sample audience in Orr, Minnesota went up by 312%. Most companies would leap at this opportunity, but Mojang will not act.
Pledge your support to make sure Mojang takes notice of our cause to save the game we all love. And remember, the greatest acts of love sometimes require the greatest sacrifices.