Bashar Safieddine

Why I need the Ecole.

Friday, March 15, 2019

One final chance

    Throughout my time at the Ecole I grew as a person and I also realised how many faults I consist of. This school fixed me in so many ways and helped me see further than just the present that I live in. I truly noticed how essential it was for me to be at the Ecole when I could no longer be apart of it. I am so dissatisfied and disappointed with myself since I brought all of this conflict upon me.

    I had a very rough start at the Ecole due to me falling straight into wrong habits and little acts of rebellion, thus giving off a horrible first impression. In summer term I got no credits for any of my academic courses as well as not following most of the Ecole's rules. After promising to change in Fall term; my actions proved otherwise. I don't know what had gotten into me that I couldn't do something as simple as waking up for a meal. I completely agree with the fact that I still hadn't proved myself or changed after all these warnings and meetings. Some part of me was trying so hard to change yet there was this other part holding me back from improving. This problem is something I face in every single thing I do, I don't know if it's the fear of being good at something or the fear of actually trying then failing; this is a problem I have yet to find the solution for. However, I am willing to really change my image at the Ecole; this whole feeling of being unwanted because of my uncomplianceness really hurts me. I built such beautiful relationships at the Ecole with everyone I could possibly build one with. I am sorry for letting down my family heads, teachers, friends, and the whole community in general. I never realized how much the Ecole was a part of me until it was out of my grasp. I've spent time thinking here in isolation and I want nothing more than just going back to school and fixing up my life for my own good and the good of the community. Maybe I need more time just sitting by myself, thinking, and solidly planning on how I can get my life back and in way better shape. I am so grateful for everything the Ecole has taught me; it ranges from being independent and my own self to letting down the whole community when I mess up. This showed me how selfish and unthoughtful I can be; maybe doing coaching with Kathleen wasn't such a bad idea after all. That is also another example of why I need the Ecole; I was so against coaching yet it was the thing I needed the most to help me keep my place at the Ecole. I felt the same way about the Ecole, I tend to push away the things I need most due to fear of being corrected and changing. I know I kept going back on my word that I will change and that I will prove myself, however this time I'll be changing for myself and not because someone told me to, but because that is the right thing to do.

    In conclusion, I deeply regret what I've done and what it lead to, because now I see how inconsiderate I was to the people around me because I was a "special case". Please consider letting me come back to the Ecole to start off fresh and comply with the rule. I need the Ecole to help me achieve a brighter future and to help me with my imperfections. I believe that this is the discipline that I need in order to get my life sorted. Once again, thank you so much Ecole for everything you've ever done for me; and thank you to everyone who played a part in my life while I was still attending the school.

Best regards,

Bashar