1 and 7 children this year will experience abuse or neglect in the United States. 1 and 3 woman will survive domestic violence. These statistics are frightening. Being a survivor of abuse and neglect myself, I want to do everything I can to stop it from happening to another child. Please read the rest.

Hi. My name is Riley Barms and I am a 15 year old from Columbus, OH. I am a survivor of abuse and neglect at the hands of my “father”. Thankfully, my mom (who was also being abused) got myself and my three siblings out and even though that journey alone has been a tough one, we can go to sleep each night knowing he will never lay a hand on us again. Or so I thought. He again is attempting to seek visitation/custody. That is why I am here to tell you my story and why I hope you decide to sign your name. 

 

In 2017 after years of abuse and after witnessing my parent drag my mom down a hallway beating her, my mom went and got a Protection order against him. initially all 5 of us were on it, but because children aren’t necessarily allowed to have a voice in these cases, they said that because we didn’t have any bruises, not all of us could stay on it. Those of us that have suffered from sexual or emotional/verbal abuse know that sometimes and often it is just as severe as physical. We also know that just because one  has survived sexual abuse doesn’t mean that they want to talk to 10 plus people about it, especially as a child. Immediately the Delaware County Domestic Courts decided that we would start visits with him, Saturdays from 12-6. Out of the 4 of us, my voice was the loudest(even at age 9) and it took a long time to get me in that car day one and I never went back after that. As everyone knows, those first visits are all about having the best time right? Can’t look bad now, everyone is watching. But that stopped pretty fast. My siblings were left alone to drive a car around a pond, almost drove in it while driving over my other two siblings. My little sister found his gun and had it(yes we have all been taught about not touching a gun if we find one). For a moment I think she thought it would help save her. She is also deathly allergic to peanuts and his mother and him gave her ice cream with peanuts. These all sound small, but i just want you guys to know that these visits didn’t go so smooth. My dad has never referred to my brother by any other name than Sally or the f slur. His name is Blake. He had baby powder thrown in his face every time he would cry. He had bruises on his butt from being spanked to hard. Him and my mom took most of the physical abuse. He attempted to starve us. He took my moms keys and her card and wouldn’t allow her to buy food. We would walk to friends for dinners. Ultimately during the divorce, he didn't listen to court orders so we became homeless for a period of time. These littles things are just that. There are many BIG things here that are personal and I don’t want to include here. I just want you to know that if you think the worst, it is probably true. But, my therapist among many believed that he was grooming us without knowing any of the private stuff. And there was a lot of evidence to prove it. Yet the courts kept pushing visits. We had multiple counselors, we did the Buckeye Ranch( we all refused to see him), and we had a GAL involved. Now, I have researched Guardian Ad litems and know that just like every other profession, they are all different. Thankfully, we were given the best. We instantly told her some of the truths. None of the deep secrets. But how he tried to teach us to be racists( my mom didn’t allow it), how he tried to teach us to hate gay people or people of the Muslim faith ( my mom didn’t allow it). We told her how much he hated her and how he told my other siblings on their visits that if they told her the truth he would kill them and her. Over the course of their very long divorce, our Guardian was listening and trying to protect us, going above and beyond her duties, yet the courts weren’t. He was grooming us. He abused us. He caused us to become homeless during the divorce (judge did nothing). Everyone knew he was lying. We got to stop the Buckeye Ranch. My counselor said she thought he was an antisocial.My mom kept fighting and I kept being loud, but only our GAL was listening. Ultimately, their divorce happened, we had to lose our schools and community, but we escaped with him not having any visitation.  He has stalked and harassed us through the years. He told my little sister that she was “Turing into a whore like the Guardian” during one of my brothers football pArctic’s he attended. My sister who was 8 and had lip gloss on. We were followed and had photos taken of us by two men. We had nails and peanuts outside our house. And The GAL that was our lifeline was also stalked and harassed. I slept with foil on my windows for 2 years. I couldn't sleep alone. My body would go numb and I couldn’t talk when these things happened.My little sister had bloody noses and my older sister got ticks. 

 

Now, I wrote a book a couple years ago and had it published. It was the kid version of what happened. Some Amazon reviews asked where my mom was. Please Please Please know that my mom is the strongest person I know. She was doing everything she could to get us out. He made all the money and she stayed home. She would get beaten and send us away. This is not her fault. We need to stop as a society of attacking the victims. 

 

Fast forward to now. Everyone deals with trauma differently. Add in being a teenager and boy that is a disaster sometimes. My older sister (his favorite - u infer) has been somewhat of a mess lately. She has been upset with my moms rules and has been lying and trying to be reckless. My mom doesnt’ allow her to and takes her phone away. It upsets her more. Ultimately my mom is trying to keep her safe. She doesn’t like it. Because of that he is now trying to get custody. Even though everything he has done, he is trying. My mom is really one of the best parents. To tell people or to this ( yes I have read your ohio fathers rights movement insta page) that only single family homes have rebellious teens is ridiculous. My mom loves her and is constantly stopping it before it happens. What we need to understand is this behavior wouldn’t be better if he was involved, it is bad because he was. This is her trauma coming out. 

 

The Delaware County and Ohio courts like to to think that two parents are better than 1. I can tell you they are wrong. In situations like this. I write. I have healed. I don’t really trust people ( maybe that will come one day) and I don’t really like lots of men ( that might too)but I have switched being a victim and turned that into a survivor and a fighter and an advocate. I am a survivor of abuse and neglect. The bad ones that no ones wants to share and talk about. But the ones that the courts know. Yet, the still try to make us see him. Why do they not understand that this only traumatizes us more and is a huge trigger. Our nightmares have returned and we haven't even seen him yet. We look at those statistics from above and do not think maybe this is why. lets keep putting kids back into this environment and not have them expect better for themselves. The domestic court system should be there to protect and firmly and honestly putting THEY ARE FAILING!

Please sign this petition so we can stop putting children , society’s voiceless citizens, back in harms way. Start prosecuting or holding the abuser accountable.

 

 

 

I have been on the news. I have been on the radio. I inspired HB 226. I wrote a book. And he is still there.

https://twitter.com/rileybarms/status/1487635218194391040?s=21

https://twitter.com/rileybarms/status/1616685429981605888?s=21

Please watch the videos on my twitter that show HB 226 testimony and my NBC4 interview. Please sign my petition. And please say a prayer or become an advocate so we as a community can begin saving families suffering from abuse and neglect like mine