In the good old days, we all enjoyed Mini Wheats in peace and harmony with our friend Mini (right). One day, Kellogg decided to kidnap our precious Mini and replaced him with a brain-dead little turd (left) that brought shame and dishonor to the Mini name.

The old Mini stood for wholesomeness, community, and sweet wheaty goodness. However the new Mini stands for corporate advertising, laziness, and appealing to the masses. Behind that "innocent" look on his face is a soul darker than a thousand midnights.

As our movement gains more traction, there will be more pressure on the corporate giant Kellogg to fix their cereal and bring it back to the way it used to be. Once we succeed, we will notice astronomical changes everywhere. As the true Mini comes back and the fake Mini gets dragged off to an insane asylum, people everywhere will rejoice in the return of our lord Mini. He will make sure every world problem is solved and that everyone gets the Mini Wheats they deserve.

Please join us in our fight for the old and wholesome Mini. This is a human rights issue as every living being in the multiverse has the right to enjoy Mini Wheats wholesomely, and removing the wholesome violates everyone as a being.