Justice For My Daughter Who has been unheard by the court system.
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To whom ever this concerns, and if you want to hear my story please read the whole thing,
I am a young mother from Auburn, Indiana. I have quite a long and complicated situation that no one seems to want to help not only me but my 8 year old daughter who is at wits end for protection and just all around sympathy of her situation.
My child was at a young age of 2 years old when her life changed to complete destruction. Her father an I split after a near 5 year horrible relationship, but being young and in love his cheating and deceitful ways seemed "normal" and after falling pregnant at 17 I figured he would change his ways. I was wrong. I grew up fairly quickly when it came to becoming a mother, I got a job, I got my own place and everything on my own. I wanted my daughter to have her "father" in her life so without hesitation I took it upon myself to transport my daughter to his house the next town over so he could see his not even 1 years old since he couldn't afford to travel to us, this went on till she was around 2 years old. When I stopped being so kind because every trip I took I was pleaded into having sexual intercourse with him with our baby in the same room or even right besides us. I was completely turned off of the fact that I had my daughter right there and him not wanting anything to do with her just needed his needs meet. After catching on to those behaviors, I moved on with my life stayed single, did the single mom scene for several years. In the meantime though my daughters father caught on that I would no longer be his easy way out of things I got my first court order for his parental rights and his visitation schedule. I complied to all said orders until my daughter would come home and hate the movements of a need to change her diaper or bathe her, her privates were completely red the majority of the time, she would scream at the top of her lungs as if I was using sand paper rather than a baby wipe. It took way longer to potty train her than I had originally thought, and sadly all signs point to one thing. When asking her what is wrong and when your barely 2 year old child yells out "daddy do it" and physically touches her privates in a manner only adults should replicate, no two year old should know how to lick their fingers and rub their privates parts for sexual gratification. Yes exploration in young children is normal but what is considered normal? At 2 years old is it normal for a child to lick their fingers and then act as if masturbating? Then while doing such acts respond with "daddy do it", "daddy does this to me", "daddy touch my butt"? How is this considered normal? Why is it considered normal to anyone with a parental mind set? Again, yes sexual exploration is normal in children, I have done numerous researches on these behaviors as well. But since my daughter had an interview with CPS and since she couldn't (at the age of 2) interpret her genitals (because apparently as a parent I am supposed to sit down with my "2 year old" and show her what a penis and vagina are so in case of someone molesting her she would know what genital she has. NO, as a parent, I did not ask for my daughter to be sexually molested and I didn't plan on having to explain such information to my child. All she needed to worry about at two years old was what color the sky and what color the grass was so when coloring a picture she could determine which color went where. Never did I think I would or should have showed my child what a penis or vagina was so when she was interviewed by "CHILD "PROTECTIVE" SERVICES" she would know what genital to relay to them of what hers looks like. Any female child seeing a penis for the first time either in real life or a picture will obviously be curious and suggest for more information on such odd differences of each genital. I can not stress enough how odd this is to me to know how a service striding to protect children makes an automatic decision that my child was never sexually abused because she didn't know what kind of genital she possesses. At that moment I lost all faith in the justice system, and little did I know I had another 5 years ahead of me with going through this corrupted justice system.
Visits with her dad seemed to progress from bad to worse when making the exchange at a mutually agreed location she would cling to my shirt and kick and scream not wanting to go with her father. She then would be groomed with "candy", "toys", anything a child would want, by him to calm her down and make the exchange easier. As with much done research "GROOMING" here is a direct link to which describes all about how grooming works. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/child-sexual-abuse-6-stages-of-grooming/all
When you have to force your child to go with someone they are supposed to trust full heartedly and someone they are supposed to love with their whole heart but in just a glimpse of their vehicle or someone resembling them, your child goes in udder shock and scared out of their wits how as a completely devoted and loving parent am I supposed to do this? Well because if I don't I will go to jail (been threatened on multiple occasions) but when enough is enough you do what you feel is in the best interest of your child. I managed to keep my daughter away from her father for a whole 3 months and again faced jail time, but if I complied with "makeup time" and "his right to first refusal" I would not have to go to jail. As a mother I felt like I would go to prison for life if it meant complete safety for my child but with I go to jail who would be the next guardian for my child? Her sexually abusive father I was going to go to jail because of.
After complying to all said makeup time etc., things seemed to get better when it came to my daughters behavior, she quit crying during diaper changes, baths, etc. She even did better with visits with dad. She almost completely stopped talking about any behaviors of what "daddy did" to her. It was another obvious sign of the maltreatment she was receiving without me being there by her side! Was she being pressured into not saying anything else or he would hurt her? Did he deny her treats or toys or something to make sure she didn't say anything else? In my opinion I believe very worrisome things were spoken to my daughter and she did a good job at hiding it...until she was 5.
When you walk in on your now five year old speaking with a friend of hers and asking for sexual favors, voicing herself as a man and asking her friend to have sex with her, and to take all their clothes off etc. Yes again, sexual exploration is normal, but what is normal? Is this normal? Why is my 5 year old daughter asking for someone to have sex with her? Is "sex" a normal word for a child that age? Maybe the word in a different context as such "what sex is that person, male or female?" Or is "hey, wanna have sex with me tonight"? normal coming from a five year olds mouth? Is it normal when all your 5 year old wants to do with any kid that comes over is to "have sex" with them? Or to touch genitals of the opposite sex, or ask other children to touch her in inappropriate ways to make her feel good? When repeatedly I had to give my 5 year old an APPROPRIATE sex talk that that behavior is inappropriate and that she needs to please stop, and it upsets her because to her its "normal", it "feels good" so why should she have to stop? When your child says "but daddy does this with (unnamed)". Why is this an acceptable behavior that I should just have to allow to happen because no one cares to hear "me" say it and my daughter is too young to testify. So its all hearsay! I have been told I am coaching my daughter, then I was told the therapist she has seen since she was 2 years old is an accomplice to the coaching and I am now court ordered to stop such sessions with that therapist and seek another therapist that her dad and his attorney chose. How is that fair? Not to say this therapist wont do her job but if I am being the cause of the trauma to my child why are they causing more trauma directing her to someone she doesn't know or trust? Well because the obvious reason, my child with have to start brand new and the things she has wanted to forget that has happened to her wont be brought to light again.
In all the meantime through a couple more years CPS was involved again, another case opened and SUBSTAINTIATED. Even had a court appointed GAL "Guardian Ad Lietum" who was going to testify in our court date to give his opinion that my daughter should either stay in supervised visits till old enough to testify in court herself or until old enough to chose whether to keep in contact with her dad or not. But sadly 1 month before our court date he passed away. So our only justice is now laying in a file cabinet unable to be presented because the testifier is no longer with us. How can this be happening? I'm sure at this point if you are still reading you are either siding with all above court systems and saying I am crazy and completely wrong for protecting my child, or you feel the same way I do and looking at the bigger picture can fit all the little pieces of this puzzle together and see all signs show my child was sexually molested by her father.
We were then appointed another GAL, CPS dropped out, ( mind you they only dropped out because the judge actually ordered supervised visits) because the government (CPS) didn't want to have to pay for his visits at the Childrens First Center for the supervised visits. Which I was not mad as long as it was supervised. I was at ease knowing my child would be with a completely unbiased person who would undoubtedly would protect my child from any harm. Then when the new GAL interviews your child twice for a total of 15-20 minutes and the one time my daughters dad was involved in this interview, and talked to me for about 15 minutes only getting a short version of our 6 year journey so far at that point, and finding out dad and wife were interviewed a total of 5 times. When this so called GAL is supposed to representing my child in her best interest, why was the opposing party the main focus in the interview process? Then when told he couldn't afford visits after a whole 8-9 month period he was granted supervised visits with someone for free because the "best interest of my child according to the GAL" was that I was lying about everything and since my daughters story was so consistent it was obvious I was coaching her. I have been told so many times how worthless, piece of shit mom I am for "alienating" my daughter from her dad. All I have ever asked for was for my child to be safe. Never did I think I would have to go through the last 7 years of my life fighting in and out of court for someone to simply protect my daughter. I was able to be the supervisor for 3 months and everything went fine, for the obvious reason she felt safe because I was there. Again on the subject of grooming though, taking her to any place fun "skating, shopping, out to eat, you name it we did it." What child would ever refuse such things? She enjoyed that along with me being there to protect her. With those 3 months being over I no longer supervise currently its now supervised visits with dad are with his wife (same unnamed as above), and guess what lets add a little more grooming to the situation. He takes her any where she wants to go, Chuckie cheese, bowling, shopping, etc. But yet complained when I had asked for him to buy her school supplies this year since he has never once done so and she is going into 3rd grade. As a loving and dad of the year so claims to be why would he tell his daughter that "your mom gets child support, why cant she buy you supplies?"
A couple more things to add into this book,
*My child was threatened by her dad that if she were to ever tell anyone about what he was doing to her he would 1. kill her, kill me, kill her soon to be stepdad 2. bust her butt 3. put glass in her and my mouth (she was 5 when she told us this so unsure exactly if this is the correct meaning or what is really means)
*my daughter has drawn pictures of her dad (licking her butt), having sex with his wife(wrote bounce portraying that they were bouncing in their bed), pictures of her dads penis sticking out of his boxer shorts(when he would ask her to touch it, and when she would refuse to use her hands he would put her feet on his penis and pleasure him that way)
*got her a phone so I could track her when on visits, she will text me saying she hates her dad, wishes he would go to heaven so she wouldn't have to see him anymore, and that she wishes she could come home.
*has actually mentioned killing herself so she didn't have to see her dad anymore. (therapist trip immediately after that being said and was explained to her the consequences of those actions, so she hasn't mentioned that again) thank goodness.
*constantly getting physically sick, vomiting, diarrhea, migraines on days of or days directly before or after visits with dad. or even when his name is mentioned she get anxious.
*throughout several years she had urinary incontinence (diagnosed by her family doctor) had pee and poop accidents several times a day. hasn't had near as many accidents but occasionally still at 7/8 years old has accidents.
*has nightmares almost 2-3 times a week, has dwindled down to several times a month.
*why am I the one who has to now "force" my child to go with someone who has not only harmed her mentally, physically, emotionally but also someone who has threatened her life?
*********I am going to copy and paste a section from the website: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/child-sexual-abuse/warning-signs-of-child-sexual-abuse
Tell me how many signs point to her being sexually abused!!
Symptoms of child sexual abuse are similar to those of other emotional problems such as depression, severe anxiety or nervousness. Symptoms of child sexual abuse include:
-Eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia
-Vague complaints of stomach pain or headaches
-Bowel disorders, such as soiling oneself (encopresis)
-Genital or rectal symptoms, such as pain during a bowel movement or urination, or vaginal itch or discharge
Child Sexual Abuse Signs
In addition to the physical symptoms of sexual abuse, there are additional child sexual abuse signs. The specific signs are often related to the age of the child with younger children being less able to process and express the sexual abuse.
Particularly in children age 12 and younger, the following are signs of child sexual abuse:
-Lack of self-esteem / self-destructiveness – the child may make statements that they are worthless, harm themselves or even exhibit suicidal ideation
-Advanced sexual knowledge – the child may possess knowledge beyond his level of development, specifically detailed sexual information.
-Being depressed, withdrawn or excessively fearful
-Drop in school performance
-Sexualized behavior – such as dressing seductively or acting sexually through dolls, around peers or adults. The child may also masturbate excessively.
-Distress around a particular person – the child may not want to spend time with a particular adult
-Seeking excessive time with an adult – he may also be given extra attention, gifts, privileges, etc.
-High-risk behaviors or drug use
A child may also shown signs of sexual abuse in play or through art. Older children may drop hints of sexual abuse before actual disclosure to "test the waters" and see how adults will react to the news. In this case, it's important not to lead the child's disclosure and to be as open, caring and non-judgmental as possible.
With this all being said and the justice system throwing me under the bus and continually being told I am a worthless and horrible mother for taking a child away from a loving father when he is the opposite, he manipulates everyone. Refuses lie detector tests, refuses counseling sessions with my daughter, and only took initiative of actually seeing his daughter when I wouldn't bow down to his every need several years ago. He has and always will be a sex addict, he cheated on me through our whole relationship, found sexual encounters with women on craigslist while I was pregnant with our daughter and said he needed release some way. Asked best friends of mine for nude pictures of themselves. I don't care about that stuff anymore, I have been over him as a person for a very long time, I am no longer affected by those memories, but when those very aspects of our life together show exactly what kind of person he truly is. Hearing stories from when he was a kid, where he actually played with a dogs "red rocket" until the dog ejaculated. So he has been this way for a very long time. So why wouldn't that lead to some type of sexual contact with a convenient innocent child? Someone he can completely manipulate? And I am being told he is a caring and loving father who just wants his daughter in his life. When is needing her because he "loves" her and needing her for sexual gratification not two different things? Why is it that since its her "father" he gets special treatment and more of a slap on the wrist because every child deserves both parents? So if it were a random stranger or even an uncle or anyone other then a parent would it be different? Would that person be convicted immediately? Would I still be an over protective and horrible mom in the court systems eyes? Why has so many people ruined the actual real cases of child sexual abuse for stupid made up issues with an ex just because they are mad at them? Why do I face jail time for loving and protecting my child? If I were protecting my child from a shooter on the streets I would be deemed a hero! So why is this any different? Why would I continue pursuing this case if it were a lie or made up? After thousands of dollars in attorney, court fees, etc and very very anxiety ridden nights and thousands of hours of no sleep contemplating whether running away with my child and facing prison time and various other charges would be worth it. I know that's not the way to do it, but why after this long, being engaged now, having a good life would I still be conjuring against him if I was just making this all up? I am a very loving and devoted mother and I am at this point where giving up sounds good because I am so emotionally and physically tired and almost cant go much longer, but you know what as a mother I would NEVER give up on my child/children because I love them more than anything in this world. Not a day goes by I that I wouldn't give my last breath for them to live or give them anything I have to keep them happy. I am not crazy, I am not making this up, I am simply just asking for the best interest of my daughter to be met, for her to grow up not having to worry about this part of her life and be able to maybe move on from it since she is still fairly young. She wont forget everything, and the longer this goes on and if she has to go back with him unsupervised what's to say I wont get a phone call saying "ma'am I'm sorry to inform you but your child has passed away". As a human nowadays you have to worry of that every day just because of the every day crimes in this world, but why do I have to add this added worry for my daughters safety? Why does my daughter have to grow up more worried about having to see her dad this weekend and worrying what he will do to her rather than what her baby doll will wear today, or what her favorite color is this week?! I see children her age (I am a lunch lady at her elementary school) that laugh and giggle and just act so worry free, they love life and love coming to school, but my daughter dreads school, says her favorite part of the day is when she can see me at lunch. She clings to me like glue. She currently has her bed in my bedroom I share with my fiancé because she is afraid her dad will come through her window and take her and I wouldn't be able to hear her scream since her room is on the opposite side of the house. How sad is that? Why is our lives this way? I didn't ask for this life and neither did she. Who is going to protect her when as "just her mom" cant do anymore legally? Who cares about my child other than me and her family? Why is it since she isn't a celebrity or a child of someone with tons of money or "the last name" she is thrown on the back burner and isn't as important as above said children? Why am I writing a petition to get help because every day people we are surrounded by every day, neighbors, same town residents don't care about my child. I am a mom with tattoos and piercings. Nothing distasteful, nothing too bad obviously as I am a 3 year lunch lady, have never been in trouble with the law and don't drink or do drugs, I don't even smoke cigarettes, but everyones first impression of me is "oh tattoos, oh piercings and all the sudden assume I am a horrible mom. But come to find out I serve your child healthy lunch at school every day and strive at my job because kids are my passion and they are our future. So why are we allowing these issues define our children? The statistics of children that have been abused as a child show they usually end up on drugs or become alcoholics or even resort to suicide because their lives never get better because no one helped them as a child so why would someone want to help them now?
I need someone to help us, well I shouldn't say us I should just say help my daughter. Help her get her life back. She hasn't had much of a life for 99% of her life. How is that fair? She has simply lost her childhood, and she will never get it back. As a mom I feel so helpless to know I have done everything I can do to try to protect her and still have to tell her she still has to see her dad because "no one else believes her" and her instant thought is "my mom has given up on me", "does my mom even care that I don't want to see my dad"? Does anyone else know or care to know how bad that hurts me as a mom to know I have let my daughter down?!
I just hope with my story being told someone can reach out and help my daughter. Help in a way I cant as just her mom. I want people who are going through similar situations to know I am here to talk to if you need just a friend that knows the struggle, obviously I cant give any legal advice because I am asking for that myself, and I haven't gotten very far myself when it comes to the legality of the situation. I just need a group of people who are going through the very similar situation who cant protect their babies because no one wants to hear it.
I will give my email to whomever wants to reach out, please no spam or anything negative.
Best wishes to whomever is struggling with similar situations, I am sorry this petition is so long, and honestly things weren't added in because its too explicit, and its hard to type as fast as my mind wants to say it. The main points are here...the mains facts that I believe this to be a legit story are here. I have just lost so much faith in this world. I am hoping someone out there can sympathize for my daughter and help me give her the life she so much deserves. Thanks so much for reading.
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