The world is at an unprecedented turning point right NOW - and we have a time-sensitive, once-in-a-generation chance to harness this energy into a revolution of imagination and creativity for all. (Burning Man isn't cancelled, it's just ready to go full time... if only it was our JOB to do so!) Jeff Bezos, please step up! 

*****************************************************************************

Dear Mr Bezos,

One of the last nights of the historic Occupy City Hall, a stranger jump-started my unicorn school bus with a tiny Purple Paisley power box. I couldn’t believe it worked - especially after believing people who told me it’d only work with big cables and a big vehicle! I was so charmed, I needed to order it immediately: the Halo Bolt. I went to order it from the manufacturer’s website (which was actually printed on the device!) as conscious consumers are supposed to do. But after putting a different less desirable color in my basket, adding on the cable parts, not even calculating shipping yet - I did a naughty Google search to find it on my beloved Amazon - where I could get it for $50 less, plus Prime 2-day shipping and pre-filled checkout convenience— AND in the exact color pattern I wanted, the Purple Paisley!

Within moments, PURCHASED! �⚡ 

I sent my friend, a stealth activist who would have otherwise come save me with a pickup truck and jumper cables, the screen shot of the order.... not realizing what I had just done.

I got a phone call back almost immediately.
“Girl, why you ordering from Amazon!?” I felt shamed. “We can’t be doing all this activism work and then succumb to giving Jeff Bezos money!” she scolded. She told me that if I couldn’t find it online, I could probably find it or something similar in a store to pickup. “Support local businesses!” She was right. She started listing brick and mortar stores. I considered canceling my order. That would mean me calling places, doing online research, going places. Errrr..... I much prefer being a lazy duck.

So thing is, Mr Bezos, your genius little invention has enabled my divine laziness in the most delightful of ways. I too love to sleep... and I can do so much more of it when I’m not running around searching for things! You have saved me hours of research and headache. You have delivered true happiness to my door time after time - ON time. For that, Jeff, I believe you DO deserve all the money in the world! Yes, you deserve to have as many homes and modes of transportation as your heart desires! You have truly earned going on as many Submarine spaceship hunts in the ocean as you could ever dream.... that is SO COOL. You have the world of everyday e-commerce wrapped around your finger, so that I can have almost anything I think of with a few taps of my own finger. And in a twist of irony - this Halo Bolt package was stolen right out of the box, which I found stranded open on the second floor of my loft building � -- and with a 5 minute call to Amazon, I had a new one coming no questions asked! It arrived just in time for the next JUMP I needed. You deserve to be making over a billion and a half dollars a week, my guy!

AND - I’m hereby writing and making this petition to clear both of our consciences. If we’re going to be honest, you haven’t given very much to charity compared to what you make. I mean come on, you could probably design a way to literally feed everyone in the entire world endlessly!

You could say, hey you know what, if we’re having trouble getting a billion transferred from the NYPD to the people, let me just make this easier.

You could turn the world into a giant free Disneyworld if you wanted to. Or maybe Disney would be better for that one! As they should. I’ll talk to them too. Anyway! What’s even better than Disneyworld?

Burning Man.

I don’t want to overload you with information about Michelle Joni -  you can figure it out on my Instagram and a little Googling, read my Medium posts with my downloads on what needs to happen - but the long of the short of it is, I’m going to look you in the virtual eye and say: Jeff Bezos, give me a Billion dollars, and we never have to mention this again.

I’m a ::magical:: fairy here to save the world and make everybody happy... which looks a lot like turning the world into a Perma Playa - powering Mutant Vehicles and mischief and art and free food everywhere, and then some. You’ve been to the Playa! Isn’t that the kind of happiness everyone could use delivered to their doorstep? 

With no Black Rock City in the desert this year, (and now being the time to celebrate Black Rock in so many other ways!), and with Corona Season here to offer a new way of life, the time has never been more ripe to bring Playa as a gift to all. The good news is I only need a Billion dollars to make it happen!

Let me save you your reputation, not like you give a shit and you shouldn’t, honestly! Live your life, man! But instead of so many of your loyal customers feeling that mixed emotion when they order from Amazon, let’s have a turning point of FUN for ALL, powered by you, right now! Which would ultimately inspire the world to run on Amazon’s sleek trusty power even more,  guilt free! Hello... Bezos, I’m on your side! And everyone’s side. A Billion dollars catapulted into my account, and you get the pleasure of watching the cosmic pinball ::magic:: machine go! I wouldn’t want to ruin the Surprise.... but I’m a thrifty witch living on the EGE (the Endless Gifting Economy) and have done most of my ::magic:: and community activism for very little money and know how to make a lot happen for a little. Plus - If you like how I use the first billion we could talk more. You could even get a tax write off through my 501c3, grounded by the Hopi nation.

So, whaddya say? If you had the chance to gamble on healing the world right now — would you do it?
Love,
Michelle Joni
The Surprise Party
#JONI2020 (of course this is political - and I'm a bit behind on fundraising so let's just make this painless. Let’s activate the Imagine Nation!)

PS. My family has run Beatlefest since 1974. Are any of your submarines YELLOW???? Cuz I’ve got a whole bunch of Beatles fans who I know would love an adventure..... (and it would match my new hair!!)