On November 21,2014 I went to work something I did everyday to take care of my family of 4, to make sure we had food in our refrigerator and make sure we had clothes on our back and a roof over our heads, I got a phone call at work that my son wouldn't wake up. I was historical , I immediately got a ride from my manager to kaiser hospital in Vallejo. To find out that my son was on life support not breathing on his own , this was devastating . I had been with my ex boyfriend at the age of 13 for 2 years we split up and got back together with my son was 5 months who is now 4 years old which means we got back together after 10 years , this guy was there for me through my fathers death and my 7 year old father's death , on that very same day I got my children tooken for child abuse in my head I was think what , no I never abused my kids neither did he . I was thinking like how and why would a men that loved us and has been there for us being my kids father would do something like this . so as my case went on I was constuiously ask do I think he would do something like this and I gave my honest answer no, this is a guy that love us .. He does everything for my kids when I'm not around , so on June 8th I was in my dependency battle and I got arrested serving 38 days for child endangerment . how could this be I never put my kids in danger , this was so horrible to me . as of right now my parental rights are tooken my children are being put up for adoption and I am fighting a criminal case of child endangerment ,, please someone help me .. I love my kids I would never put them in harms way. I was at work how could the system just take my children away like this.I am writing this letter because I don't know what else to do and I'm praying to God that this will reach the hands of someone who will listen and help me. I miss my kids, I need my kids, and I need someone to listen to MY side at least once. Please. I love my boys to death, They have always been my life, they are what makes my life worth living. I understand what got us here, I just don't understand why this has happened. Not to me, but to US.... My son's and me and US as a family. This is a real life nightmare that I feel I can't wake up from. The day that I got the phone call at work that something was wrong with my baby my heart felt as if it was about to explode, to see him physically hurt almost suffocated me, and this separation has completely killed me inside. Not only did i have to see my son in pain and messed up but i also had to try to figure out in my head HOW this happened and WHAT happened, I would never ever ever purposely or knowingly put my sons in ANY kind of danger, They are my heart, I'm their mom, its MY job to protect them, to keep them safe, to make sure they are okay, and to know that my son is hurt means that "i' failed, do any of you all know what that feels like?" i don't think so. I did not think that the person that I was in love with did this to my son, i thought he loved them, i thought he loved us all. I just recently lost my father and he was the only one there for me and my sons, he would helped me get threw any situation and he stayed by our side, I never seen him be mean to my kids, he always seemed to love them like a father and .... I thought that we were a family. I thought i was doing the right thing by picking a good man that would love my son's like their own. When all of this happened, I was devastated, I still am. Not only is my baby hurt but you are telling me that the man that was apart of our family is the one who did this???? How was i supposed to believe that? why would he have done that after he has loved us and supported us threw all of our hard times. He was there when my son lost his father and never left us. I could not see him doing anything like this, I just didnt understand what anyone was telling me. I know that in your eyes, I am young, but just because I'm young does not mean that I don't have the same feelings that anyone else may have, As a mother, I love my children just as much as any of you would love your children. Maybe even more, because all i have in life IS my babies. I feel that you guys think that this man means more to me then my son's but your wrong. My son's are my flesh, my blood, MY babies, they are a part of me, they grew inside of me, no one and i do mean NO ONE will ever love my babies how I do!! Its impossible. They will be a part of me no matter WHAT.... a man won't, and can't, they can come and go, they can share love with someone else, anything,... but my babies are mine, and i would never ever ever love a man more then my babies, its not even something that can compare. So if i thought for a second that he could or would hurt my babies, not only would i have left him and never had my son's around him but I would have had someone hurt him and I know that may not be right, but I'm speaking from my heart right now so Im just going to be all the way honest. and I can be honest about that because I would die for my babies AND i would go to jail for my babies, if I thought or catch someone hurting my kids I would protect them, I would not be ok with it happening. and for you guys to be treating my like i would is wrong. The system is supposed to be designed to help people and help kids but you guys are wrong in my case and in my case you have damaged us not helped us. The victims. My son was a victim and it hurt me also, that is my baby, So it hurts me even more to see him hurting. You took my son's from me, they love me too, You don't think this is hurting them? as kids every single day they are away from me is damaging to all of us. I am empty inside, I feel like life has no purpose without my babies, and so right now with them gone my daily life is pointless and empty. That is the best way i can describe what I feel inside. I feel dead inside. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that they are alive so as long as they are alive I will have hope and faith in God that I will get them back, I will never stop fighting for my kids. This is wrong, and the only hope that I have is that God will step in because I don't know what else to do. Today is christmas but Im not with my kids, so to me its another day. My kids are just kids, they didnt ask to be in this world. They don't deserve this, they deserve to have a family too, with their own mommy, not someone else's, you guys don't realize how your hurting my babies also, they should be with me, opening their gifts, playing with me, waking up to me. I know that I may not know what happened to my son, but I have grown to realize this.... SOMEthing happened to him, and because thats clear and the only person he was in the care of was my boyfriend I would never have him around my kids again, not even another man because thats not a risk I am ever willing to take again with my babies, but to punish ME and MY BABIES FOR this is wrong. and I need someone to please hear me out. As their protector I need to keep fighting for my babies, for the truth. If this is how the system is it is failing. It is someones job to look into the truth, to do whats best for the kids, so I'm begging for you all to listen to me, I would never hurt my babies, and placing them in harms way is considered hurting them... if i had any idea that this man would hurt my son's I would not have been anywhere around him. I need my babies back, This is not how life is supposed to be... Im their mother, Im supposed to be cooking their food, getting them dressed, meeting their teachers, taking them to the park, and watching them grow. You guys have broken us up over something that someone else did. When it was already bad enough that my son had already been hurt enough. We need each other. I need to be able to love my sons and let them know how much their loved just like any of you would want your children to feel. Please understand what I mean, please believe me. This can't be the end. Somebody has to do something, how can my kids really be taken away from me when I really didnt do anything wrong? I know I may not have been the best mom in the world but everyone grows daily and I'm their mom and my babies are a part of me, I could never let someone hurt them, I love my kids more then myself and would never hurt them or let anyone hurt them. I want to know what happened to my son more then anyone. Please tell me what I can do? Who can I go to about this? Please hear me out. I need my babies back. They need me as well, They are growing and I'm missing out. This is not fair to them. Other kids have parents and feel love and they get to hug their mom's every day and wake up and watch cartoons with their moms but mine don't. This is wrong. Please let me know what can I do to get my babies back.