This petition is a confidently singular and yet comprehensive guide to knowing more about good politics than everyone else. 

 

 

Can be read by America’s median constituent in <3 minutes (that’s you!)

1. Eliminate Elitism. Yes, That’s it.

Detailed and custom pictures are costly, so for now: Take in the necessary steps to eliminate elitism using your imagination…

and I’ll reward you along the way with adorable kittens, alright? 

 

 

1A. Asset Regulation: 

Politicians must divest their significant assets upon taking office, with excess amounts above their median constituent's asset value subject to a 100% tax.

 

 

1B. Asset Incentive: 

Politicians must absorb any increase/decrease to their median constituent’s asset value each year in office.

 

 

1C. Investment Regulation: 

Politicians must only invest in diversified American stock portfolios (e.g., S&P 500).

 

 

1D. Work Requirement: 

Politicians must work at least 50% of the hours worked by their median constituent outside of their elected duties, engaging in tangible public work.

 

Congratulations! You’re halfway!

 

 

1E. Salary Regulation: 

Politicians' total annual income and benefits must be capped at their median constituent’s annual income and benefits.

 

 

1F. Gift Regulation: 

Politicians must not accept market-valued gifts exceeding a total of 1% of their salary in any one year.

 

 

1G. Lifetime Obligation: 

Politicians must adhere to these provisions for life, with non-compliance resulting in criminal prosecution of treason.

Not too bad, huh?

But wait— I still have a few more cats up my sleeve…

 

 

Remember: 

Show this to your friends and family in order to feel superior for the time it takes them to read or disregard this message. 

 

 

Sign Today & Donate Below: 

Do you have 30 seconds to save America? If not: we even accept Dogecoin. (Ohhh the irony…)

(LINK-1 GOES HERE@100 SIGNATURES)

 

 

100% of all donations above go towards advertising, I will continue this petition’s duties alone and will not accept pay. 

 

 

Just kidding. I like money too, but give here instead to buy me a coffee: 

(LINK-2 GOES HERE@1,000 SIGNATURES)

& have a cat for the road, too!