1:3 women and 1: 6 men will be victims of domestic abuse and violence in their lifetime.

As a victim of domestic abuse and seeing first hand how the system fails victims, i felt  the need to try and stand up for the people who have lost their voice.

When as a victim you finally feel strong enough to come forward, give statements, escape from the relationship you can get all the way to court and be let down.

My abuser although a repeat offender, was allowed to walk free from court having pled guilty after two years for assault, ABH, harassment- fear of violence and criminal damage. He had also resisted arrest and attacked my 70 year old neighbor.

He strangled me daily, spat at me, threatened me with knives, destroyed my home and car. He slapped, kicked, punched and emotional broke me down into nothing.

He got a suspended sentence based on lies. He got praised for pleading guilty, although i had been waiting for this trial for 20 months as he had pleaded not guilty. He got praised and told how hard it must of been for him. How in the 20 months we have waited for court he seems to have grown up.

Rulings like this discourage victims , its already terrifying being in that situation and having to go to a trial, face the abuser and their family and friends, to hold your head up and make a stand, reliving everything you have been through to a court room to then to be let down on a sentence that does not depict the crime.

So many mixed messages in regards to protecting victims of domestic abuse, how it needs to be stopped. How you should report if you feel anyone is suffering but letting people like my abuser walk free is sending the wrong message.

Its not just me and my case, it happens over and over again. I've been researching and speaking to other victims,  woman and men i have met via local domestic abuse charity, through the freedom project, from my IDVAS and good friends of mine. It seems the only time an abuser gets any kind of sentence is when it is attempted murder or in fact murder. Why do we have to wait that long for these people to be off the streets? Why should victims live in fear while the abuser is out living his normal live, free to do this again to the next one?

Imagine being in a relationship where you are made to feel worthless, them telling you no one will believe you, no one cares, to then being in crown court and realizing they were right.

Like another punch but this time its worse as its a punch not only from them but from the justice system.

Rulings like this send out the wrong message to abusers especially repeat offenders who continue to destroy the lives of those they claim yo love and car for.

If my abuser had been caught with some class B drugs he would of got more than he got for terrorizing me and assaulting me daily. 

The ruling of the Court displayed a totally inadequate understanding of abuse:

The Judge told the abuser: "Your behavior fell far below what it should have been in a caring and loving relationship."

This is a distorted context, this is a thug who is willing to threaten anyone and did. The sentence given is a license to re-offend next time he loses his short temper. Which he will.

He was praised for how hard it was for him, not once was i even acknowledged in the court room My victim impact statement was never read out to my abuser when i put my all into that, i wanted them to know what the abuse had done to me.

The fact that strangulation was his go to move, should have been a major red flag. It is widely recognized that strangulation indicates high risk of murder. The victim's own level of fear is also an important indicator, yet my fear was never a factor at the sentencing.

Abusers, narcissistic personalities appear charming and can win over anyone, they can be seen as loving, loyal and in fact that they have changed and learnt their lesson when in fact they have not.

Lots of domestic cases are first submitted as GBH but this will be reduced by the time it gets to court basically undermining the violence and the fear the victim feels. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not mean that a punch to the face while driving is look at less harshly than punching a random person and it is. 

For too long victims have been badly let down by a society that does not talk about this and a legal system that does not tackle it appropriately. A legal system that still thinks of it as a civil matter behind closed doors, where as if these attacks had happened from a stranger there is no doubt they would be in prison,.

In a world where we are trying to stamp out domestic violence even introducing the charge of coercive control in 2019, we are still failing victims in the last instance. 

Training should be offered to judges and magistrates on domestic abuse, as some still hold an outdated view. 

Do abusers ever change? They did it before, they done it again and then are free to walk out while the victim is left picking up the pieces.

How a judge can look at a crying victim and let an abuser out is beyond me.

Maybe these abusers need restorative justice? to go into prison , into a rehab facility and onto courses about healthy relationships, controlling tempers, being able to speak to people who have been abused?

Every time a story like mine and many others is reported it  sends such a bad message to men and woman who are in a abusive relationship, in fact it will keep people quiet and it will lead to more domestic homicides.

This needs to change and this isn't about my case anymore this is for everyone that has been or is in a domestic abusive relationship. 

If i can help one person, if one person can read this that can help then i need to try. 

Thank you