The meaning between a miscarriage and a stillbirth
The meaning between a miscarriage and a stillbirth
I didn’t think I could share this as it’s so private but it needs noticing, I generally thought I’d look like an idiot setting one of these up but it’s made me feel better explaining what happened to us. This is my story about what we went through. I’m addressing this because I think everything we went through was generally one of the worst you will ever experience but I also think it’s disgusting whoever made the law to be from 24 weeks it’s classed as a stillbirth and anything under is classed as a late miscarriage I will never class what happened to me as a late miscarriage because it wasn’t everything I went through is the same as a lady would at 24 weeks what a difference a week makes.
Whoever made this law needs putting down, for anybody who experiences this at 24 week and over gets there normal maternity pay, gets funeral costs, gets help with other things just because it’s classed as a stillbirth but for anybody who is under 24 week and has still had to give birth to there baby gets nothing? Where is the right and wrong in that. We have had to come home and not been able to grieve for our son because some idiot has taken this law into there hands and thought I know let’s give everything to someone over 24 week but nothing to anybody under 24 week even though they’ve been through the same experience!
Most of the petition is about what we went through but it might have an impact on what we’re going through now as we’re unable to grieve because we are constantly thinking about how to pay the bills?, how are we going to afford to live?, is our baby going to get the funeral he deserves?, can we have all this time off sick from work?
This needs addressing and noticing because it’s wrong some idiot who has never been through anything like this has put a stupid law together! There are probably many ladies in my situation but it’s just disgusting and needs noticing�
Please sign it may not do anything but I just want to know I’ve done something good and got it out there. It’s one weight lifted off my shoulders to know I’m supporting myself and any other lady who has been through this and feels the same way but can’t express it and put it out there. People may think I’m wrong for sharing my whole experience and may think it’s something I should keep private but I don’t think I should of done because everything we went through and we have nothing after.
Also this story isn’t just about what happened to me but the awareness of what pre eclampsia actually does and how dangerous it actually is! I nearly died from something I didn’t even know I had
I can not thank the maternity team anymore than I have! They were brilliant and I had to go through everything I did because I was so poorly! I was well looked after and I’m so grateful for everything they did! I’ve never seen a team handle something so well���
On Monday the 19th of October at 7am i was 22 weeks 3 days pregnant I went into hospital with a horrible chest pain feeling breathless, I described the pain as if somebody was sat on my chest and I couldn’t breath or move, the midwife came in and asked if I’d had any other problems I mentioned a few headaches but nothing major. The nurse came in and took my blood pressure at least 3 times my third came out at 176/110 there was a lot of protein in my urine they moved me over to an advanced care unit on the delivery suite they monitored me throughout the day with many blood tests/blood pressure readings.
Nothing was getting mentioned I was worried about my health and my babies I’d not felt him for a few days just the odd tickle I was worried and scared for my own sake. A doctor came to speak to me and she had mentioned maybe it been a gastro problem but I knew myself that this wasn’t the issue! My blood pressure wasn’t getting any better it kept rising even higher so they started me on labetalol to try and lower it. They suspected it may be Pre Eclampsia but nothing was actually said to myself.
They kept me in overnight till Tuesday there were more tests taken, I went for an X-ray on my chest to see if there was a problem with my lungs nothing came up on this scan, so later that day I went for an ultrasound on my kidneys as I only have 1 functioning kidney so they thought there may of been a problem but still nothing had been said I was worried and scared and I was unable to see my partner due to covid I didn’t know what to think as I was on my own scared. Early hours of Tuesday morning I woke up at 4am with an insane migraine and my hands had swelled so bad I couldn’t bend my fingers, my feet were like boats I couldn’t walk I didn’t even fit into my sliders so I had to walk around bare foot.
Wednesday I was still in hospital on my own, my blood pressure had stabilised a little I was on a strict fluid intake so I had to measure my urine every time I went to the toilet I had to wee into a container and pass it onto the doctor every time I went to the toilet. I got moved onto a ward as my blood pressure had stabilised I then got told I was going for a growth scan that I knew nothing about I got taken down to the fetal growth scan department, I was worried as I didn’t know what was going on. He shouted me to go in I got onto the bed and I knew something was wrong the moment he put the scanner on me he asked if there was somebody at home at this point I defiantly knew something was wrong I said my partner. I got off the bed and he told me to take a seat he basically told me there was hardly a blood flow getting to my baby boy and he wasn’t getting much from my placenta. He told me there was a risk of survival for him but he possibly could pull through but it would mean he would have to come early this meant maybe in 3 weeks time but he told me I had to get better if I didn’t get any better they would just have to bring him and he wouldn’t survive. He told me my baby weighed 370 grams and should of been 420 grams it was devastating! He had also confirmed I had very early stages of pre eclampsia and it was becoming much worse, My partner should of been with me it was too much to take in. I came out of the room and rang my partner and told him to come as I couldn’t take anymore he got straight into the car and came down. I headed back to the ward heartbroken that my baby might not make it I asked to speak with the doctor immediately. My partner was allowed into a room away from the ward to speak with the doctor as I couldn’t take anymore on my own the lady was lovely she had explained for my own health I needed to get better for him to make it which I knew I needed to get better for the sake of him I said I was going to try my best and make sure I was well. It was just a talk of survival for him she reassured us both that he could make it but there are risks, they left us to be alone and to talk about it we had finally come over the fact that everything might be okay and we could do it together. Well.....
Later that night the nurse came into my room to do some observations and to give me my blood thinner injection, she had asked if I wanted to hear babies heartbeat i had to think about it and something made me say yes when I wanted to say no she had got the gel ready and placed it onto my stomach I listened so hard and couldn’t hear anything she struggled to find his heartbeat it took around 20 minutes and nothing I knew he was a nightmare but not this bad. She said I’m just gonna get the doctor to do a scan in the room just to make sure everything is okay. The doctor came in with the ultrasound machine I sat patiently waiting for her to set it up she then placed it onto my stomach I looked over at the screen and there he was not moving me very worried as he was always a wriggler she looked over at me and said I’m really sorry he’s struggling to breath nothing is getting to him I sat there thinking omg what is happening my poor baby is struggling she looked over and said I’m sorry again and had asked if I want to know what the next step is I replied no I need to ring my partner. I grabbed my phone and rang my partner I burst out into tears as we had only just come over the fact i could of become much better and he had a chance of survival but it had all come crashing down he told me to calm down I could tell he was distressed he came as soon as he could. He came onto the ward into my room and just give me a massive hug I then had to sit there for two hours while my baby struggled to breath I knew he was dying right inside me and there was nothing we could do about it, towards midnight the doctor came back and confirmed that he had passed away we was absolutely mortified and just couldn’t take the pain at this point I was 22 weeks and 5 days. They moved us into the bereavement suite but things got much worse from here I became very poorly the next morning I had woke up with very bad chest pain the pain I had gone into hospital with, they needed to move me onto the delivery suite as I was becoming much worse and they needed to keep an eye on me. I was dreading the words LABOUR as I knew it was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my life in these circumstances one of the worst.
I eventually got moved onto the delivery ward, I had to have a catheter fitted as I was put onto a strict liquid intake I was only allowed 80 ml each hour. The pain had become much worse in my chest so I was given oramorph it didn’t do much there was then a talk of magnesium sulphate I had no clue what it was I was told it would stop the risk of a stroke and protects your body, my blood pressure kept going up and up it just wasn’t getting any better. They began the process on giving me the magnesium sulphate the nurse said to me I’m not going to lie to you but a lot of people describe this as dying and it’s not the best feeling in the world they give you 50ml in 5 minutes when the normal dose is 5ml in 1 hour so process began she put it into my cannula I felt this horrible burning sensation all over my body I literally felt as if I’d be thrown onto a fire my whole body began to burn I couldn’t breath it was horrendous I began to throw up I threw up 4 times filling every sick bowl given to me it was absolutely horrendous. It was so bad I actually urinated myself I was so embarrassed but there was nothing I could do it had taken over my body. The 5 minutes was up and it started to settle the pain in my chest become so unbearable I was taken for a CT scan to check my chest but nothing had shown up on the scan. I was taken back to my room on the delivery suite with every wire attached to me and drips hanging off of me it was awful. I just wanted my baby out it was sickening that he was still inside me but had passed away I was carrying my sleeping baby.
Later that night the labour process needed to start I was so scared for my life I kept looking over at my partner not knowing what to say I was so uncomfortable with everything not only was I going through something traumatic I was also so uncomfortable because of all the wires, the catheter, the drips I couldn’t get comfy. The midwife inserted my first dose of tablets down below to induce labour at around 6pm on Thursday 22nd October there was nothing after a few hours another dose of tablets were inserted at around 9pm still nothing but I had become very poorly my temperature had risen to 39.8 degrees I was that hot my mouth felt like sandpaper bearing in mind I was only allowed so much water an hour it was horrendous! I had very bad shakes I couldn’t keep still I was crying because I just wanted to get better! Around 11pm another dose was inserted this was my last one as I had become very poorly during the process my temp wasn’t getting any better my blood pressure was getting worse. The pain had started I kept getting the odd pain in my stomach I began to think this is seriously happening I’m pushing my child out that is no longer with us I just couldn’t do it! Around 1am the pains/contractions had become so much worse I knew he was coming! My partner grabbed my hand and just looked at me blank because we both knew what was going to happen next, the pains were just getting stronger and stronger I refused pain relief as I didn’t want to become any worse than I was. It was around 2am and that’s when it all began I was twisting and turning in excruciating pain with all the wires attached I kept asking for my catheter out but I was not allowed due to me been so poorly. I couldn’t breath my temperature was so high I was so poorly my baby just needed to come out! It finally got to the moment I felt him ready to come I looked at my partner and just kept saying I can’t do this I really can’t crying because I knew he was going to come out and not cry! I turned onto my back and pushed and felt him come out and the midwife was amazing she said he was still in his sack and everything had come out together which was a relief as I couldn’t take much more! Jaxon Brian Shepherd was born at 2:53am on Friday 23rd October at 23 weeks. She looked at us and asked if we wanted to see him we had agreed not too till we was back in the bereavement suite as it was much comfier and couldn’t face doing everything in the room as it had been such a bad experience! Later on after it had finally come out and hit us in the face what we had just been through it was the worst experience of my life I would never go through anything I had just been through I couldn’t get any sleep. My partner didn’t leave my side as I was still very poorly.
It got to around 7am I hadn’t been to sleep in two days I was so tired, I was in so much pain with everything. I couldn’t leave the room until 3am Saturday as my magnesium sulphate needed to be in until 24 hours after the birth to make sure I was well and couldn’t get any worse than I was. Throughout Friday I was been monitored every hour to make sure I was getting better my blood pressure just wasn’t getting any better, I started to come round and stopped shaking my temp had gone down all because baby j had come out and the pre eclampsia was settling as the placenta wasn’t inside me anymore. Eventually my drip had run out at around 11pm and I was allowed to come off the delivery suite back into the bereavement suite my catheter was finally allowed out I was free to drink what ever I wanted it was great! Never felt so relieved to have all the wires removed and my cannulas removed! I couldn’t walk as I’d been in bed for two days so I went down in a wheelchair, got straight into the room and got into bed.
We had decided to see our baby Saturday morning it was so scary and emotional I didn’t know what to think when I saw him, the midwife came through the door holding him in this cute little Moses basket he was wrapped up well with blankets I just took one look and didn’t know what to do I didn’t know wether to feel sad, overwhelmed, happy that he was now resting I was blank and so was my partner. I had to see him as I didn’t want to regret this for the rest of my life. That following night we had to see him again as it was killing me that he wasn’t with us I knew I had to hold him as I would of regretted this for the rest of my life. I held my resting baby in my arms and it just hit me hard everything I had just been through well everything we both had just been through I was thinking what has happened 5 days ago I came in with chest pain and now my baby has passed away I didn’t understand. The midwifes helped us a lot they did a memory box for him with footprints, handprints even had his name tags in.
Now after going through all this pain and hurt me and my partner didn’t understand the whole after 24 weeks it’s classed as a stillbirth and mine was classed as a miscarriage I was mortified that anybody could call it a late miscarriage!! I have just been through everything a normal pregnant lady would and still am! I went through the same pain!! I went through the same process!! I gave birth naturally like any other pregnant lady WHAT WAS HAPPENING I kept thinking if this would of happened a week later I wouldn’t need to worry about sorting work out, worrying about paying for his funeral, worrying about how me and my partner were going to afford to live! I had just given birth and felt like I was getting treated unfairly just because I was 1 week away from been 24 week like seriously should I of been thinking this? It’s disgusting and what a difference 1 week makes it’s wrong!! My poor baby got delivered at 23 week and there’s me thinking if only I was 24 week we wouldn’t need to worry about work or we wouldn’t need to worry about your funeral like what has the world come too! The law needs taking down to anybody that has to give birth to a full formed baby deserves the same as a lady at 24 week WE HAVE BOTH BEEN THROUGH THE SAME EXPERIENCE, WE HAVE BOTH GIVEN BIRTH TO A BABY A SON A DAUGHTER ITS DISGUSTING! we can not grieve for our son we have come home worrying about costs, bills, work we should be grieving for our baby boy we can not do this but for somebody that is 24?24 weeks they can go home and grieve for there baby just because there one week more than what I was the law is disgusting and disgraceful and was defiantly made by somebody who has never been through something like this and it needs to change. I wasn’t going to do something like this but maybe if you put it out there maybe eventually somebody will listen! There could be millions of ladies writing petitions like mine but seriously it may make a difference it may not but I think my story does need to be heard, it scares me to think what I have been through could happen to anybody pre eclampsia isn’t mentioned enough it’s dangerous and seriously has an impact on your life please read about it if your pregnant I went through it and didn’t even know what it was and now look what’s happened pre eclampsia took our baby! I’m still suffering even after birth I’m on tablets and blood thinners. We still have to bury our child it will be another experience we never want to have to go through again. We will never understand why this happened or why it happened to us
Rest in peace to our baby boy
Jaxon Brian Shepherd / 23-10-2020���
PLEASE THIS AWARENESS NEEDS ADDRESSING! I WILL NEVER CLASS THIS AS A LATE MISCARRIAGE, THIS WAS A STILLBIRTH I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE LAW I WAS 23 WEEK WHEN I GAVE BIRTH AND IT WAS A STILLBIRTH NOT A LATE MISCARRIAGE!! A LOSS IS A LOSS