OH. MY. GOD.
I can't even begin to explain my hatred for the Quaker Oats man. He ruined my online life with his big ol' dumb looking hat and that stupid smile. I want to punch him in the face and run. I hope he's having a horrible time in hell losing to Satan in chess. Why me? Why do people always have to relate me to the Oats guy? I hate that guy! He should just stay a breakfast item and not the topic of conversation when I try to talk to my crush! Anyways, I am making this petition for the reasons (apart from my hatred to the Quaker Oats Man) of correcting how people pronounce my name and to CANCEL THE QUAKER OATS GUY. Not the food item because it actually taste quite nice and I like to eat it on the weekends, but the man himself needs to be CANCELLED. My name is  Quackers (Coo-Wack-Ers) like the duck noise and not Quakers. P.S. 
To the people who eat Quaker Oats for breakfast, I do not mean to offend you or any other Quaker Oats fans. I eat it too and it is very delicious. And to Quaker Oats Man, please do not haunt me. I already check under my bed for monsters and do not need the stress of knowing you're watching me sleep at night haunting me. 

-Quackers