It happened again. 

While driving home yesterday I passed a young man walking down the street wearing a red hat with white lettering; naturally I assumed he was a MAGA Nazi.

I busted a u-turn and rolled down my window. 

As the warm slushie from my cup holder collided with his bewildered face and I screamed for him to choke and die, I realized he wasn't a Nazi, just another Five Guys employee. But it was too late. 

My bad.

Last week I slashed a Five Guy employee's bike tires when she ran into the gas station for a pack of smokes.

Enough is enough! Let's demand that Five Guys employees get new hats and put an end to this injustice, once and for all.