Glenn Rivers has spent his life preparing to be a NBA head coach.  Unfortunately, the preparation went sideways like a Ben Simmons jump shot.

Glenn was born in 1961, the year of the failed Bay of Pigs Invasion of Cuba.  Glenn's coaching is inspired by that ill-fated coup attempt: little preparation, nonsensical schemes, poor roster choices, and terrible execution.  Fellow NBA coaches have been going "full Castro" on Doc for more than two decades.

Glenn entered the NBA in 1983 with the nickname, "Doc."  Many believe the myth that Glenn earned this nickname from his college coach after wearing a Dr. J shirt to practice.  The truth is that Glenn was nicknamed after Dr. Jack Kevorkian because he killed his team's chances of winning the same way Dr. Kevorkian did his patients. 

Against all odds, Glenn played 13 seasons in the NBA.  It was here, during his playing career, where Glenn developed a voracious appetite for losing in the playoffs.  He made the playoffs in 11 of his 13 seasons and lost each and every time, often in humiliating fashion.  Not even NBA all-time greats like Dominique Wilkins, Moses Malone, Patrick Ewing, and David Robinson could stop the good "Doctor" from lulling their teams to an early and premature exit.

After retiring from the NBA as a player in 1996, Glenn returned just three years later as Head Coach of the Orlando Magic.  Glenn has spoken fondly of his time away from the NBA, which he says gave him the time and space necessary to clear his head, seemingly for good.  Glenn's three year transformation from player to coach is also the source of his strategy to wait three years before making any changes, whether to his rotations, schemes, or even approach to a playoff series, which are famously over after seven games (or less for Glenn's teams).

Much like the 2022-23 Sixers, Glenn's coaching career is a joke.  He won Coach of the Year in 2000 after his Magic team miraculously missed the playoffs.  He passed on the opportunity to pair Tim Duncan with Grant Hill and Tracy McGrady because he wouldn't allow Duncan's family to travel on the team plane.  Glenn enacted this rule because none of his family wanted to travel with him for obvious reasons.  He is also famous for his playoff losses.  After Glenn's Clippers blew a 3-1 series lead to the Nuggets led by 2x fake MVP Nikola Jokic, he became the only coach in NBA history to lose three such series.  Of course, he is also the only coach in NBA history to lose two such series.  When asked his thoughts on this ignominious record, Doc replied, "I've learned throughout my coaching career that no lead is safe."

After the Clippers, the franchise famous only for being an NBA franchise, parted ways with Glenn after the 2019-20 season, he failed upward as the Head Coach of the Philadelphia 76ers.  The organization and its fans have suffered through two years of the Glenn experience already:  inexplicable rotation decisions and schemes, inability to adapt, a steadfast refusal to develop young players, wearing down veterans with too many minutes, humiliating playoff defeats, and, of course, arrogance and condescension in spades.  

With this disastrous start to the 2022-23 season, I find myself asking one question again and again while watching the Sixers:  "Would Pop do that?"  Each and every time, the answer is "no."  76ers fans deserve better.  We deserve the charm of Jim "Leprechaun" Lynam.  We deserve the acumen of Larry Brown.  We deserve the love of Brett Brown.  And, most of all, we deserve the championship delivered last by Billy Cunningham.  

If you agree, please sign my petition.  Together, we might have the power to fire Glenn and save the 76ers.  Just remember, if we do, we won't be going on a Doc Rivers victory tour.