The Topical is a daily news podcast that keeps Americans up-to-date on all the important satirical events happening across the country. This podcast has been halted by The Onion and we're demanding that they bring it back!

Why does it matter?

• Popular reporters like Leslie Price are now out of a job and will be unable to feed their stepson Derek. Think of the children!
• If these stories are halted, fans may end up wandering off into the pines and dying or left wondering how stupid dolphins really are when we put them on land.
• These news stories have helped shed light on criminal justice reforms, including one case that used DNA evidence to free thousands of wrongfully damned souls from hell. 
• How else will we find out the secret methods used to determine whether Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds is the sexist man alive this year? Let's be honest, it was never really Blake Sheldon.

The solution:

The way to fix our problem is very simple. The Onion needs to bring back The Topical immediately! 

Here's what you can do to help....

Sign this petition, listen to The Topical wherever you get your podcasts, register for their patreon, email them a list of our demands, and for God's sake please share this with everyone!