We are protective parents. We reported abuse. We were not believed. And our children paid the price.

Every year, hundreds of children in Belgium and the Netherlands go through family court proceedings where domestic abuse has been reported — and ignored. What often happens next has a name: vicarious violence (plaatsvervangend geweld / violence vicariante). This is when an abuser continues to harm a protective parent by using the children — through custody battles, manipulation, contact arrangements, or by turning the children against them. The children become tools of continued abuse. They are not bystanders. They are victims too.

This is not an isolated case. It is a pattern.

The facts speak for themselves:
— The GREVIO report on Belgium (2020) identified serious failures in protecting victims of domestic violence in family court proceedings
— The GREVIO report on the Netherlands (2023) equally found that Dutch authorities fail to adequately identify and respond to coercive control in family proceedings
— "Parental alienation" is not recognised by the WHO or DSM-5 as a valid clinical concept, yet it is routinely used in Belgian and Dutch family courts to discredit protective parents
— Spain legally recognised vicarious violence in law in 2021. Belgium and the Netherlands have not.
— The UN Committee on the Rights of the Child has repeatedly called on states to ensure child protection systems do not perpetuate abuse

We are calling on lawmakers in Belgium and the Netherlands to:

Legally recognise vicarious violence (plaatsvervangend geweld / violence vicariante) as a form of gender-based violence and child abuse
Require family courts to conduct a genuine risk assessment for domestic violence and coercive control before making any custody or contact decisions
Provide mandatory training for judges, lawyers, and social services on domestic violence, coercive control, and vicarious violence — so that abuse is recognised, not mistaken for "conflict"
Stop the use of "parental alienation" as a tool to dismiss legitimate abuse disclosures from protective parents
Sign this petition. Share it. Every signature brings us closer to a system that protects children — instead of failing them.

We are also collecting anonymous testimonies for a formal shadow report to the United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child and the Committee Against Torture. If you have lived through this, your voice matters.

🌐 https://reliable-flan-0ed891.netlify.app

— Beyond Conflict
Belgium & the Netherlands