Sonic the Hedgehog is a show has become the world's biggest streetlamp, where instead of attracting moths, it attracts autistic people.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Dude, there is like, nothing wrong with autistic people". I am here to tell you that you're right. There is nothing wrong with them. But when millions of autistic scrubs from around the world join together, the level of autism magnifies to fatal proportions.

There is nothing wrong with Sonic the hedgehog. Sonic is like the sun. But everyone exposed to the sun for extended periods of time develops cancer, and getting rid of the sun will get rid of cancer. Just like getting rid of Sonic the Hedgehog will get rid of its lethally autistic following.

Wake up, sheeple. Sign this petition, and you will not regret it.