Hi I want to talk about a problem I faced at high school. I was quite nervous then and having a Chronic Illness no one understood caused me to be bullied. I got called loser alot and rumours made up about me. Isolated and excluded. Not accepted and called weird as I would just walk off on my own. As clearly no one paid attention to me. I didn't know where I belonged. I had good friends for 6 years then lost then as they moved onto the next stage. I kept with one friend that others called weird as she had a heavy bag and walked sideways some people would laugh at her and minick her walk. She probably wasn't my type of person but she stuck by me thats all that mattered. I would get so anxious I barely knew my year. And was a pretty good girl never liked to skive and had to get homework done as I hated getting told off. But school is important so that was actually a good thing. I was too ill to do my work most of the time and would have to leave it. I would sleep two hours in a tent in the garden after school then watch tv for half an hour and still feel like I had run a marathon. I had blurred vision and very slow to get ready in PE. Everyone seemed pretty chilled out and I was a stress ball. But most people were probably inwardly panicking. I felt people didn't like me cause I was stressed. So I didn't bother with a lot of people. And made some wrong decisions and offended people on facebook by calling some girls a bitch as I thought they excluded me from some outing but that was 4 years ago in S1 and i didn't know them then. And some other people said they were horrid girls so I believed they were. My grandparents would pick me up and take me for a day out of school I would feel to tired to eat sometimes and my heart would be racing and feel nervous from being at school and about different people who would somehow upset me. Then I would get a headache or feel dizzy suddenly for basically the whole time I was there. Going back in the car I might go for a nap. Then home rest for another hour. Then manage to get onto homework my heart still racing and overthinking the school day and thinking people thought i was weird or awkard and thinking there was something off about me. I actually got accused several times of stalking people but i didn't and someone told someone else I weird and did it. i was trying to talk to people and I thought they had seen me no one even tried to make an effort with me it was pathetic. Just left me on my own to suffer these two boys with all their mates though would come most lunchtimes and chat to me and ask if I was okay. And sat with me once and asked what was wrong with me they were 3 years younger than me but at least they cared. I went down the street myself and people told me to not do that and laughed at me. I could have been meeting people down there but they made the assumption I wasnt. I was made to convey messages to people from one room to another I thought they were being friends with me. Then some girl tried to make me go on holiday with two other girls who were looking at holidays. Years later told her boyfriend I was a major bitch to her and i said shit about her step dad. To cover her back. Made to play some twister game with one other girl and we were laughed at by 5 people and one boy. The boy told me to stop and tried to get me not to do it but then joined in. One boy said something horrid to my friend. I was never there so i was different and the year was suppose to be understanding. They couldnt care less the forgein exchange students were much nicer. No could care i spent lunch alone or break sometimes as I only had one solid friend and another group who included me. She was friends with my old friends who moved on. I was also made to do slut drops in front of a teacher when he came past the teacher called me a slut and the three girls laughed at me. And said 'do it do it do it Kirsty its just a laugh, look we ll do it too' They seemed quite nice at times but other times werent. I got told I was the social butterfly but not in a nice way taking the mick. Invited to the end of term party in a field but not really invited it felt like the girl was joking about it. Said her friend didnt mind me coming but didnt ask her and said I could come back in the taxi with them. she just said it in a weird way i felt i would have been left. Made fun of about certain things and talked about in the loos. Accused of doing stuff i didn't. And looking at the wrong time and embarassing myself. I did one very stupid thing which I relaise why people would be annoyed but at the time I thought the two boys were horrid. Got invited back in some boys car in my year to get to know me I didn't take up the offer as i didn't know him well enough. I was studying french so i was concentrating. I got accused of skivving one day and a girl told on me. I thought she was avoiding me by walking through the gym class with an art folio book. My art teacher chucked out my art project and wouldnt let me get it back I was ill for 8 weeks and i was suppose to get it after 4 weeks I ended up arguing with an old best friend and accused her of stealing it. The teacher then accused of breaking my art mask and saying something odd about my outfit and saying horrid stuff about my mask she seemed she was a bit manic then the head teacher wanted to talk to me as two students caught the teacher saying that shit and recorded it. I thought i imagined it and was going delusional so I didn;t talk to the teacher as i thought i was in trouble.  I was the boring one in class always nervous about getting things right. I have never worked out why maybe my brain didn't function so I couldnt think.