I am a domestic violence survivor living in Santa Clara County, California. I am asking you to sign this petition because the California divorce process is being used as a weapon against survivors like me — and the law must change.

 

I endured a decade-long marriage to an abusive partner. The abuse included regular destruction of our home, threats to my life and my family's lives, self-harm used as coercive control, threatening text messages, and physical intimidation. I was the sole financial provider throughout our entire marriage. When I finally filed for divorce and obtained a restraining order, I believed the hardest part was over.

 

I was wrong.

 

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THE PROBLEM: SILENCE AS A WEAPON

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California's divorce process — built for cooperative dissolutions — becomes a weapon in the hands of a narcissistic or abusive spouse who simply refuses to respond. Non-response is not neglect. It is strategy.

 

By refusing to participate in divorce proceedings, an abuser can:

 

• Trap a survivor in legal and financial limbo for months or years

• Force her to keep spending money on attorneys and process servers she cannot afford

• Maintain psychological control — the knowledge that he still holds the power to delay her freedom

• Threaten her personal savings under California's community property law — even savings she built entirely on her own

 

In my own case, despite paying every bill throughout our marriage and never holding a joint bank account, I was told my personal savings could be claimed by the man who abused me. His threat to "come after my money" was not just financial intimidation. It was the abuse continuing by other means.

 

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THE CRUELEST IRONY: THE RESTRAINING ORDER TRAP

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When a respondent refuses to accept divorce papers, California law requires the survivor to make multiple additional attempts to locate and personally serve him — before she is even allowed to request service by publication (a last-resort newspaper notice).

 

But if a survivor has a no-contact restraining order — the very protection the court granted her — she faces an impossible situation:

 

• She has cut ties with everyone in her abuser's network to protect her safety — but the law requires her to find him

• Each failed service attempt costs money she doesn't have

• The law penalizes the healthy, necessary act of cutting ties with the abuser's world

• Even after every step is completed, service by publication is slow, expensive, and may still not end the process

 

The system is asking survivors to do the impossible: stay safe AND locate their abuser at the same time.

 

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WHAT WE ARE DEMANDING

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1. EXPEDITED DEFAULT DIVORCE FOR DV SURVIVORS

When a respondent with documented abuse fails to respond within 30 days, survivors with active restraining orders or court-recognized findings of domestic violence should receive an expedited default divorce — not wait months or years.

 

2. REDUCED SERVICE REQUIREMENTS FOR SURVIVORS WITH RESTRAINING ORDERS

A survivor with an active no-contact order should be allowed to request service by publication after ONE documented failed attempt — not multiple costly, dangerous attempts.

 

3. RECOGNIZE NON-RESPONSE AS COERCIVE CONTROL

California law should explicitly classify willful non-participation in divorce proceedings by a documented abuser as coercive control, empowering courts to expedite the process accordingly.

 

4. COMMUNITY PROPERTY PROTECTIONS FOR SURVIVORS

Abusers should not be able to claim assets the survivor built entirely on her own. California's community property law must be reformed in documented DV cases.

 

5. MANDATORY TRAUMA-INFORMED TRAINING FOR FAMILY LAW ATTORNEYS

Attorneys representing DV survivors must complete certified trauma-informed training — with real accountability when they fail these clients.

 

6. DEDICATED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FAMILY COURT DOCKETS

Every California county should have a dedicated family court docket for DV dissolution cases, staffed by judges trained in coercive control, financial abuse, and trauma.

 

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A FINAL WORD

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I survived what happened behind closed doors. I am asking you — and every person who signs this petition — to help ensure that survivors are not then destroyed by what happens in courtrooms.

 

The law should be a door out. Not another cage.

 

Your signature will be included in a formal submission to the Governor of California, state legislators, and local elected officials in Santa Clara County. Every name matters. Every story matters.

 

Please sign. Please share. Help us end the second sentence.

 

— A Domestic Violence Survivor, Santa Clara County, California

 

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IF YOU NEED HELP RIGHT NOW:

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National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (24/7)

Next Door Solutions: (408) 279-2962 (24/7)

Bay Area Legal Aid: (888) 330-1940

YWCA Golden Gate Silicon Valley: yourywca.org

The Pro Bono Project: probonoproject.org