Forced marriage is a never ending rape.  A rape permitted by parents of minors who have not given consent for these marriages. Forced Marriages was straight  torture  for me and it almost took my life through suicide.  It felt like I was tortured for being a virgin ,pure and respectful to my family.

https://youtu.be/IPSMtCkC4Ws

Personal Testimony of Dr Thandeka Mazibuko

I have started a non profit to help young girls escape Forced marriage .  The non profit organisation is called End Forced Marriage Inc . Your donations are welcome through End Forced Marriage Inc channels only by emailing us or depositing money directly to the bank account 

We are planning to host a conference in 2023 during General Assembly and CSW conference . June 16 ,is a special youth day in South Africa , we are using this day to create an awareness of forced marriage . We need your physical and financial support . Please note that all donations towards End Forced Marriage Inc must be sent directly to End Forced Marriage Inc  endforcedmarriages@gmail.com

For Guest Speaker /  Public Speaking Engagements  contact endforcedmarriages@gmail.com 

Instagram : endforcedmarriages

Facebook group and page @enfforcedmarriage 

Tik Tok @endforcedmarriage 

 

Twitter : @endforcedmarria

 

We Recently held a meeting with UNICEF they greed that forced marriage has no category as it falls under child marriage . What I experienced was not child marriage but was abusive , violent forced marriage , my question to UNICEF is so what are you doing about forced marriage ? Are you going to continue to silent us as survivors  or forced us to fall in categories that don't even define the abuse we face as teenagers undevthe brutality of our families . I was also told that South African government dnie this being a problem in South Africa yet here I am with a real life story . Is South African government going to continue to spread false narrative about gender based violence ,human trafficking,sexual violence , which is all encompasses in forced marriage . If there is anything we need right now is your financial and physical support. The money you gave been pouring in this petition is not even coming to us and my heart is filled with sadnes because I have to carry all the costs associated with End Forced Marriage Inc 

Dr Thandeka Mazibuko is from the rural village of South Africa called KwaNyuswa, she is the eldest daughter out of 2 siblings. She is a medical doctor who graduated from Nelson Mandela School of Medicine who later specializes in Radiation Oncology. She is now a New York City Permanent Resident rotating in few hospitals like New York Presbyterian Hospital, Montefiore and Mount Sinai Hospital:

She is a multi award winner for her philanthropic work , amongst Honor she recover is an Oprah Herione 2010 which featured her on Oprah Magazine

Forced Marriage was the most  unbearable experience I ever had , so traumatic  that most of traumatic events that took place ,my mind is shutting  them off to protect me from suffering lifelong trauma associated with relieving this forced marriage . I sometimes try to force myself to remember some detailed events of everyday life but my memory shadowed some details out so I would be able to cope with the truth of knowing that I was actually kicked out of my home told never to come back when I was handed over to a man of their choice who abused me so much with  full permission my family gave him  when they handed me over to him in marriage by force and against my will .

Globally, 720 million women alive today were married before their 18th birthday. Every year, they are joined by another 15 million child brides – the equivalent of the entire population of Mali �� and Zimbabwe �� That is how common this cruelty is in the communities.

I was 17 years old ,married , wealthy , working like a slave and suicidal . I became suicidal because forced marriage isolated me from everyone I knew , trusted an loved . My mom told me never to return home , I had nowhere and no one to train to .  I could not bear the thought of me leaving school to be someone else's wife . I was excelling in physical science and mathematics  at school .

I grew up under apartheid in South Africa ,it was hard for girls growing up ,we were never safe in our own homes , streets and even schools , forced marriage is one of the severe effects of the poverty which was brought in South Africa by the political instability , girls faced a high number of sexual harassments , abuse sexually as well as being forced to marry early as it was and still is one of the poverty alleviation programs for rural communities to marry young girls for dowry or bride price. 

I had dreams of becoming a nurse or engineer , my  teachers were proud of me , on the other side my family told me  I was going to leave school to be married to a man my uncle met at the University of kwaZulu Natal while preaching as a visiting pastor at the University where I later graduated as a medical doctor. My family could not trust God to provide for us , they could not just wait for me to  grow up and make my own money. Africans parents need to learn from this experience that your daughters don't have to be wives , they can be doctors . This is why I am out here sharing this story with you so we can all come together and take these survivors of forced marriages to school because financial independence is helping me speak to you right now even when my parents don't approve because I can support myself .  . He would come to school with his red Mercedes sometimes a black one , I would  try to hide due to severe embarrassment .  I had never had a boyfriend before . I had crushes which I could not even admit they were crushed because dating was a sin , was evil , it was not  allowed my family. I would be assaulted if I was caught speaking with boys on the street. I obeyed every rule . I was a good kid . I was the so called good girl. Good girls are worth more so are easy to put in a marriage market . Good girls can make poor families rich through forced marriage . 

Forced marriage  usually occurs to young girls and rarely to boys  before their consenting age. This the most vulnerable stage of any teenager. Forced Marriages always happens  while these teens  just like me ,are still at school perusing their education an building their independent careers.  I was in my final year  high school  at Chesterville High School in Durban , Ethekwini , South Africa. I was a virgin ,known to focus in my academic work , church and music at school . It I the very virginity that was  used against me. It was like I was punished for staying pure. My purity was based on my religion and belief in fearing God  not on increasing the bride price for my family.

Every girl trust their mother, family  and aunts for protection . I trusted them to protect me  from harm , abuse, pain and suffering. It seems with all the love we had as a family it was not strong enough to keep me safe but was placed in harms way ,  taken out of school just before the end of my high school education ,abused emotionally , verbally , financially and physically for this marriage to be a success. You cannot force anyone who disagree to marry without assaulting , threatening , yelling and controlling. I believe this is why families marry us young . 

 

 

Large numbers of African girls and women suffer the consequences of child marriage.
In sub-Saharan Africa, 40% of women are married as children.

Child marriage is widespread in West and Central Africa, where 42% of women are married as children, and in East and Southern Africa, where child marriage affects 37% of girls.
Africa is home to 15 of the 20 countries with the highest rates of child marriage in the world.
All African countries are faced with the challenge of child marriage, whether they experience high child marriage prevalence, such as Niger (76%) or lower rates like Algeria (2%)1.

 

I moved from being poor ,smart happy academic student to being abused daily in this household where I was married to to being a wife with house duties at 17yers old  I went from extreme poverty  of my mother's household to driving fancy cars with no peace in my soul. I wanted out! I did not know how  and not care  how much money was around me ,how many cars in my garage , I wanted to go back to school . Forced marriages must stop and I want to help young girls go back to school and come out of these abusive relationships that leaves you feeling stuck , trapped and in tears every single day . Everything that is chosen by the bride was chosen by my aunt . I remember the first time I met him at Wimpy located in  Durban in 1993 ,I could not even swallow the drink In front of me ,I never liked the guy at all I actually hated him with passion . I was not talking he knew very well I was unhappy . I told myself I will not drink anything to show my anger which was not even allowed ,my aunt was very angry with me thought I was a disappointment , I got beatings that day because I did not cooperate . I wanted someone to sav me but no one was willing as the whole church was involved in this cult of forcing girls to a marriage , I was crying all the time  and did say I don't want to get married but my aunt will lash me all over my body with stick saying Ucima Umoya Ongcwele . She says God and holly Spirit is taking to me each time I say No I am dimming the voice of the holly Spirit . She assaulted me everyday for almost 6months as the wedding plans were all done in 6months as the church rules for marriage in apostolic faith mission church . 

I was so young and naive, rural , nurd. I did not even know about divorce even it's existence because I grew up shelled up for my virginity preservation.   I want everyone , every parent that is still practicing this abusive culture to stop or pay a heavy price of rotting in prison.

 

My family church played a major role,  giving a huge support  to this abusive culture of forcing girls  who were church members into marriage. Majority of marriages in my church women were either forced, convinced or cohhessed to marry pastors or church members . Older church women are the ones who deliver the news to the girls. 

The church used older women of the church forcing young girls who are virgins to marry the pastors of the church . My  mother told me that she  had received the first request for her to allow the most senior pastors son  of Apostolic Faith Mission Church to marry me . The church pastors were already sexualizing me at 15 years old seeing me as a potential wife. I sometimes feel like this was a cult.  My mother  says she never told me, about this marriage  proposal. but refused this request on my behalf as she felt I was too young and this family did not have money for a lucrative exchange . Money plays a major role in this practice. I was forced in marriage by my own family to marry a man they also barely knew.  I was taken out of school not by strangers, not by apartheid system  but by my own family but today I am a medical  doctor . In my case women (my aunt ) is the one who use to bit me up each time I refused. She would tell me that each time I refused I am dimming or silencing the Holly Spirit because God told her that this men is and have to be my husband. How do you call any 17 year old to tell them God told you to assist them if they deny to be married to a man of your choice. 

You can imagine the Insurmountable challenges I had to face as a 17 years old minor forced in marriage now trying on my own to go back to school against my parents wishes for me to be a wife .  I was severely abused in this household where I married . I was yelled at all the time , given heavy chores , had to get up very early and take care of the whole household . I was like a child to them but a child who was not family . I never belonged anywhere . I never found comfort ,love and support . I was abused at home in my household by my own parents and abused by the husband I had married . That man even refused to pay school fees for me , I had to go door to door to beg for someone to help me pay for medical school . I do not think anyone in world truly get it , how we suffer in these homes where we are forced to marry.Today I am asking you to  commit to signing and sharing  this petition to be the help I never had. Help me reach out to more girls forced in marriage. Any money you donate on this app does not come to me or our non profit SinomusaNothando Community Development and Black Women in Oncology Inc. which is now the vehicle I use to help other young girls to not go on with marriage . You can run to me I will do all I can to help you , run away from these marriages even when the police do not help you ,wr are here for you .I want to be the women my aunt and mom were not to me. I want to protect not harm young girls . 

 

We need policies acted upon or even re drafted to prevent families from abusing their own children selling them to marry men against their own will. It is a shuttering experience. I don't wish this experience for anyone. I am asking you to sign ,share this petition  for these following reasons below. I want UNiCEF to revisit their plan on preventing this horrible experiences. 

A marriage should be a decision agreed upon by people who have chosen to get married not forced for any reason ,cultural ,religious or financial. Forced Marriages must be ended. 

The forced marriage has major psychosocial implication on these girls and boys too. Parents makes all the negotiations even before approaching the girl involved. My ex husband never spoke to me until we were married on our way to our honeymoon.  All he knew about me was from my parents ,friends as they were the only people allowed culturally and spiritually to communicate with him . I am writing a book about my experience where I can share more details on the pain of being forced in marriage. It is not addressed.  Because I went to medical school I was offered top therapist who I saw all my life until I left South Africa in 2016 for new York due to severe Gender Based Violence and torture I faced as the first Black Oncologist . I was tired of this culture of abuse and torture. I started this petition based in New York ,New York. I am sharing my story with you to understand the importance of demanding every country to stop forced marriages and severely discipline families that still make this abuse a norm 

 

 Italy has ratified the Istanbul Convention, which considers forced marriage a serious form of violence to which women and girls are exposed, and under which state parties have a duty to criminalize the intentional conduct of forcing an adult or child into a marriage. Oct 1, 2015re raped by your family as well as the men you don't want in your life but imposed to you by your parents. There is always verbal, physical and sexual abuse involved. Yes we are raped by those we trust the most to care for us. There is always financial gain for the parents. Basically parents sell their own children for a living. 

Numbers Don’t Lie. world Leaders need to help us prevent these marriages . The stats are alarming. We have created foot soldiers to represent each country . We meet every Wednesdays at 1pm on zoom to discuss ways we can #endforcedmarriages globally . I recently reached out to UNICEF asking for Partnership in using us as survivors as ambassadors , not just celebrities . We need to be brought to the table where our fate as survivors is discussed . 

The stats say “child marriage” and the average American thinks of a developing country, where economic hardship forces parents to marry off their young daughter to a much older man.

In sub-Saharan Africa, for example, 4 in 10 young women marry before age 18. In South Asia, 3 in 10 girls are wed before their 18th birthday. 

But child marriage is happening right now in the U.S. And that’s not okay.

More than 200,000 minors were married in the U.S. between 2000 and 2015

 

Every two seconds, a girl is married before she is physically or emotionally mature enough to become a wife or a mother.

Child marriage: is a huge challenge across Africa. Child marriage cannot and should not be normalized.Xhildren need education not a wedding. All I needed was academic support at 17 , empowerment , women to stand by my academic excellence and genius innovation instead of forcing me to a marriage . I realized over year of attending Women Conferences from the UN Women CSW that forced marriages are always combine with genital mutilation. As much as these are both abusive processes taking place in young girls it is not similar experiences hence I propose to UN Women Chair an Board including UNICEF to create an office to #endforcedmarriages where we can have a fully dedicated team to stop this practice once and for all. Employ survivors . Give them jobs to advocate for themselves. Most people in leadership advocating for us have no experience of being forced in marriage . I have dedicated myself to use my voice and time to travel all over the world looking for these young girls whose families physically abuse them just for dowry , class and prestige . 

This practice is commonly taking place in rural or poor communities. In poor villages and families young girls are a source of food, cars and betters lives.  Where a young girl cannot defend herself 

They did not think I could become a doctor, they thought I can be a wife of a man I did not like, love and did not know.  

The song that saved my life was Hero by Mariah Carey, I believe I can fly by R Kelly.

 I escaped and went to school and medical school. I am a doctor now, I know better and see better. I believe your signature can save a life.

I strongly believe this practice can be ended if we collect enough signatures and stand against the abuse of young rural , poor and illiterate young girls.

The causes of child marriage are common across Africa:
Where poverty is acute, parents may feel that giving a daughter in marriage will reduce family expenses, or even temporarily increase their income, in cases where a bride’s parents are paid a bride price.
Tradition: in many places, child marriage persists because it has happened for generations – and straying from tradition could mean exclusion from the community.
In many areas, marrying off a girl as a child is seen as a way to ensure her safety, especially in areas where girls are at high risk of physical or sexual assault.
Crucially, gender inequalities across Africa also drive child marriage and forced marriages in our society especially in impoverished villages like mine kwaNyuswa where the culture of ukuthwala is a norm : in many communities where child marriage is practised, girls are not valued as much as boys – they are considered to be a burden especially if married. 

I will be collecting signatures on line and in New York City in person . Reach out to me on all social networks   I invite you to share reasons why you signed the petitions I love reading those messages, you left on this link , keep them coming. I am collecting them