SIGNERS:  Please indicate in comments if you are an HP resident.

Please click here to read my post about what Highland Park residents and our supporters were able to accomplish over the past two weeks.  Flag were restored, and our elected officials have been put on notice - bold, visible LGBTQ+ affirmation in our town is not up for discussion.  It's a matter of life and death and it's part of the fabric of our community.  Attached to the same post is a short, very moving video of intersectional LGBTQ+, Orthodox Jewish, and Ally supporters coming together Monday night to show that we are one, we will not be divided, standing among our newly restored pride flags in solidarity.  This action was a partnership between QuEAR Candy and Eshel, an organization supporting LGBTQ+ Orthodox Jews and their families.  We thank Eshel for their support and solidarity.  And we thank each of you for helping get our message out and get the attention of our elected officials.  We have much work left to do, and we must be sure there is a plan going forward for pride months and LGBTQ+ visibility in our town.  We urge you to stay engaged and updated.  Click the QuEAR Candy Linktree below to find our socials and/or join our mailing list.  Our deepest appreciation on behalf of QuEAR Candy, the Highland Park LGBTQ+ and ally community, and especially Highland Park's youth.

POST AND VIDEO of "One is Not Enough" Community Action

LINKtree to QuEAR Candy Mailing List and Socials

UPDATE:  MONDAY JUNE 26 

We thank the Mayor and Council Members for returning the pride flags to Raritan Ave for the next few days.  We call on them to provide a plan for future pride months, as we did in the original petition, and given the Mayor would not agree to such a display at the Town Council meeting Tuesday night.  We remain committed to ensuring the following are addressed:

-What is the plan for a visible, generous display of pride flags for the full month of June, endorsed by 5 of 6 Council Members?

-Has the Mayor changed her "No" position on that display?

-Has the addendum to the flag policy been updated again?  What is the current flag policy and how was it determined?  

-Will the Mayor meet with LGBTQ+ partner organizations and community members who have thus far been denied access?

UPDATE SUNDAY JUNE 25:

"ONE IS NOT ENOUGH" Community Solidarity Action in support of the Intersectional LGBTQ+ and Orthodox Jewish Communities as well as the young people who made their voices heard.

"One is Not Enough" Action MONDAY JUNE 26 - Click here for Facebook Event or See Flier

WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

We are deeply uncomfortable with the Mayor's removal of four flags due to pressure from a small group of citizens, failure to protect the separation of church and state for the protection of all community members, including the Orthodox Jewish community, lying and inconsistencies in the aftermath of the flags' removal, covert "soft ban" of pride flags through an addendum to the town's flag policy added at her request after all the flags were removed, and unwillingness to agree to returning a generous, visible display of pride flags for the duration of the month of June.  We were most deeply concerned and dismayed by the Mayor's failure of leadership in her inability to make any genuine, empathic statement of understanding to mirror the community's descriptions of the harm by both these flags removals, especially in response to the courageous youth who spoke Tuesday night, one of whom serves on her advisory committee.  We found the Mayor's demeanor and words disrespectful, demeaning, and dismissive.  In the final moments of the meeting, when I asked her how she would respond to the youth who said "One if not enough," when the flag raising was repeatedly offered as an adequate gesture for pride month, the mayor disdainfully offered to consider one additional flag at Borough Hall. 

UPDATE WEDNESDAY JUNE 21:

Citizens of Highland Park from the intersectional LGBTQ+ and Orthodox Jewish communities spoke in a nearly unanimous voice last night at the Borough Council meeting, demanding the return of all the pride flags to the avenue for the duration of pride month. 

COUNCIL MEETING VIDEO

- My comments in support of this petition can be viewed at 1 hour 29 minutes, and my follow up and the Mayor and Council Members' responses to our request that they publicly state their position on a generous number of widely visible pride flags for the full month of June begins at 2 Hours, 1 Minute.

References mentioned in my council meeting comments:

Highland Park Council Resolution on LGBTQ+ Residents

ACLU Public Letter on Prohibitions on LGBTQ+ Rainbow Flags and Other Pride Display

Addendum to Highland Park Flag Policy:

ADDENDUM  - June 13, 2023 - Flags placed on Raritan Ave

Only United States flags or POW (Prisoner of War) flags will be placed all along Raritan Ave, at the direction of the Mayor. Traditionally, the Borough has placed United States flags along Raritan Ave as part of Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day observances.

  -The first public comment period related to pride flags begins at 39 minutes with Austin Morreale. 

-The second public comment period begins at 1 hour 8 minutes with my request to allow youth to speak first if desired.  Three youth spoke in person during this time period as well as another virtually.  One youth who spoke identified publicly as a member of the Mayor's Teen Advisory Committee.  As it is QuEAR Candy's mission to center the needs of and protection of youth, we want to emphasize that the youth all described the meaning and importance of the flags, the harm of their removal, and called for them to be returned for the full month.

The response to our petition demands were as follows:

1 - Provide a public rationale for removing four pride flags from the public sidewalk outside a synagogue on Raritan Ave. on Friday June 9

We appreciate Mayor Foster's direct and public acknowledgement that four pride flags were removed from in front of the synagogue at her request, on Friday June 9, prior to the QuEAR Candy festival, after a "very private" discussion with a local Rabbi in order, in her view, to appropriately weigh the needs of different community interests.  We appreciate Mayor Foster pledging to take 24 hours to think about such decisions in the future, however we note that the Mayor did not state she would make a different call in the future, and was unable to provide a full, direct apology to the community.  The Mayor made no pledge to ameliorate said harm other than to consider future decisons for 24 hours and fly one additional flag at Borough Hall.

We maintain, as did the overwhelming majority of citizens who spoke last night, that the Mayor's action was not in the community's best interest, including members of the Orthodox Jewish community who spoke to that effect, and showed poor judgement, lack of transparency, an enabling of bigotry, as well as a lack of commitment to separation of church and state and democratic principals in our governance.

2 - Individually state whether you are in favor of or against a generous, visible display of pride flags in Highland Park for the duration of pride month as is common practice in towns around the state as the most basic cultural sensitivity and respect for the LGBTQ+ community (of which Highland Park has one of the 10 largest in the state), and given visible community-wide affirmations of LGBTQ+ people have been shown to protect ALL youth, regardless of LGBTQ+ status, from suicide risk.

Responses were as follows:

Council President Matt Hersh:   "Of course, yes."

Councilperson Postelnik:  Quick and unequivocal yes, with an update on an effort he supports to install a permanent pride mural in addition to supporting our flag request.

Councilperson George: "Absolutely."

Councilperson Kim Chohan:  "Yes," with an acknowledgement of communication issues that caused harm.

Councilperson Tara Canavera: “Yes, and I would like to thank the youth that spoke to tonight, I’ve known you guys since second grade and I’m very proud of you.”

Councilperson Hale:  No.  Supports some full-month display but not the full display we are seeking.

Mayor Foster:  No.  Only supports one additional flag outside Borough Hall.  Mayor's response to how she would address the youth who said one flag is not enough, and her answer was essentially that she was offering two.

We want to thank Council Member Matt Hersh for his direct, clear, pro-active and respectful acknowledgement of the harm done by the removal of the flags early in the meeting.  He spoke about the importance of displaying pride flags widely and prominently and apologized for his unintentional contribution to the harm of the removal of the flags.  We appreciate his leadership and the support he provided, especially his acknowledgement of the youth present at the meeting.  See his comments at 18 Minutes, 50 seconds.

Please note, when Councilman Hersh states, "The borough does not have a flag policy," that in fact the policy was updated to effectively ban pride flags on June 13.  

We thank the Mayor and all councilpersons for your direct responses to our petition question.  We thank Councilpersons Kim Chohan, Postelnick, and George, as well as Council President Hersh for your acknowledgement of the basic cultural and public safety need for a generous, visible display of pride flags commensurate with the display that was removed.  We ask, in light of the numerous comments last night demanding the return of the flags, especially from youth, that you, as elected officials, represent the many constituents who spoke and who signed this petition, to not participate in the flag raising ceremony that the Mayor has suggested repeatedly should be enough for the LGBTQ+ community, unless and until the flags are replaced for the duration of pride month AND THE MAYOR HAS DETAILED A PLAN FOR THEM OR SOME OTHER EQIVALENT DISPLAY FOR FUTURE JUNES.  In addition, we fully support and welcome a mural and/or other year-round pride display in Highland Park.

UPDATE - SUNDAY JUNE 18:

I and others have received a lot of information in the days since posting this petition, and Mayor Foster has responded to some of our demands, while even more concerning information has surfaced about others.

-It has come to our attention that the Mayor and Town Council received a number of complaints after pride flags were put up along Raritan Avenue on Thursday June 8, 2023.

-Mayor Foster confirmed on Friday June 16 to a community member (who has since made a public statement), that she had four pride flags taken down from in front of a synagogue on Raritan Ave. on Friday June 9 after a discussion with a local Rabbi.  The rest of the flags were removed the following Tuesday.

-An email was posted online from a local Rabbi to the Mayor and Town Council that afternoon (June 9) stating that he believed the pride flags were an honest mistake, and appreciated that town leadership understands that pride flags are "culturally insensitive" and "a violation of human dignity."  

If authentic, it and other correspondence will be publicly available pursuant to an Open Public Records Act disclosure filed by someone in the community (not affiliated with the QuEAR Candy non-profit), thus I mention it here.

I want to be clear, we do not know the exact nature of the meeting between Mayor Foster and a local Rabbi, we cannot prove the source or authenticity of the email quoted above, nor do we claim to know why the four flags were removed on June 9.  This is exactly the problem, that the community has not been provided this information.

Our concern is not with the Orthodox Jewish community, who are not monolithic, and who have a right to their beliefs whatever they may be, and a right to make requests of town officials, as we all do. Our demand is for our public officials to publicly acknowledge and clarify their stance on displaying pride flags and on religious institutions dictating what symbols appear on public property. 

We were surprised to learn of the responsiveness to these leaders and congregants, especially as QuEAR Candy leadership has never received a return email from Mayor Foster and numerous members of the LGBTQ+ community attempted to contact her last week and were not provided access.

I want to openly acknowledge that Mayor Foster admitted in a letter posted on the Highland Park, NJ Facebook Page the harm to the community of removing the flags, and took responsibility for that harm.  I very much appreciated her stated commitment to acknowledging such harms and doing better in the future.  However, she provided no plan to restore the flags or to widely display pride flags in town for the duration of pride month as we have asked.  Nor has she reached out, as far as I am aware, to members of the LGBTQ+ community to discuss ways to address this harm.  This harm can and should be repaired, and can easily be done by displaying pride flags for pride month.  

Mayor Foster and Council Members, we call on you to:

1 - Provide a public rationale for removing four pride flags from the public sidewalk outside a synagogue on Raritan Ave. on Friday June 9

2 - Individually state whether you are in favor of or against a generous, visible display of pride flags in Highland Park for the duration of pride month as is common practice in towns around the state as the most basic cultural sensitivity and respect for the LGBTQ+ community (of which Highland Park has one of the 10 largest in the state), and given visible community-wide affirmations of LGBTQ+ people have been shown to protect ALL youth, regardless of LGBTQ+ status, from suicide risk.

We are calling for you to address your stance on this issue, and whether you have a plan to install these flags.  

__________________________________________________________

JUNE 16 INITIAL POST:

Dear Mayor Foster and Highland Park Town Council,

As founder of a new LGBTQ+ advocacy non-profit organization in Highland Park, QuEAR Candy, part of my mission is to be an organizing force and voice for the LGBTQ+ population in Highland Park, especially our vulnerable youth who are at increasingly high risk.  A major goal of our organization has been to bring a large-scale pride event to Highland Park commensurate with our population and reputation.  We hoped to utilize the QuEAR Candy Festival as a focal point for increasing LGBTQ+ visibility in our town, beginning this year with the most basic aspect of visibility, visible symbols of LGBTQ+ inclusivity and affirmation.  These symbols are more important than ever as LGBTQ+ people are under increasing physical, emotional, and legislative attack, including in here New Jersey.  Our strategies to meet this goal included a pride challenge to businesses to take a pledge and display pride flags/symbols and safe-space stickers as well as advocacy to town government to widely display pride flags/symbols during pride month.

On Monday April 24, we met with Councilman Matt Hersh, including a discussion of our concern that the town has no visible acknowledgement of pride month aside from one brief flag raising.  We requested pride flags be displayed along Route 27 downtown during the month of June (Pride Month).  This is a common practice in towns of all sizes and demographics, and flags are customarily displayed through the month of June (and in many cases, throughout the year).  We were very clear in this request.  On May 3, I sent a follow up email to Councilman Hersh with the following question:

"Will the town procure Pride flags for the avenue for Pride month?" 

To his credit, Councilman Hersh did respond asking which pride flag "best represented the event."  We were so appreciative that this question was put to the community and that flags were possibly being purchased, that we may have overlooked the implication that the flags were for the QuEAR Candy event.  However, I did respond that I thought the progress pride flag best represented "Highland Park" due to its intentionally inclusive design.  While we do believe it would have been particularly embarrassing for the town to have a major pride even that brought in over 500 people with no pride flags or other visible symbols of pride displayed in town, it was never our goal, nor was it our request that the flags were put up related to the June 11 festival.  At no time did the Councilman advise us as to any barriers to having the flags up for the full month as we had asked both in person and in writing.

The pride flags that were purchased were beautiful, looked magnificent, and were plentiful.  I not only became tearful when I saw them up at long last (after living in town for almost 20 years), but I ran into so many folks that day and in the next few days who became tearful and emotional talking about them, including adults and youth.  We thank the town for following through with the flags we requested, and for making this important step.  In case there was any lack of clarity, we want to be 100% clear that we are requesting pride flags be displayed with at least that level of visibility throughout the month of June as this is a basic, foundational custom that is practiced throughout the state, country, and indeed the world.  

According to the Williams Institute (2016), in an analysis of 2010 census data Highland Park was in the top 10 of New Jersey's 564 municipalities, for the percentage of same-sex couples (based on gender identification on census forms).  Of course, this only accounts for a small portion of the LGBTQ+ community, not accounting for transgender and other gender diverse people, asexual individuals, bisexual and pansexual individuals, and people less likely to be captured by census forms such as the undocumented, graduate students, visiting academics, and those not cohabitating.  Highland Park has one of the largest percentages of its population who are LGBTQ+ in this state, maybe even the largest.  Highland Park also enjoys a reputation for being LGBTQ+ affirming, which draws families and individuals to town, raising property values.  It draws LGBTQ+ folks from around the state to come here for shopping, dining and entertainment, as well as for LGBTQ+ friendly services like the large LGBTQ+ focused group psychotherapy practice The Institute for Personal Growth, as well as many other providers who specialize in this area, including myself.  Finally, The Pride Center of New Jersey draws numerous folks to town every day of the week for groups and events.

We hold that the lack of pride flags in our town has been a glaring absence, obvious to community members, visitors, and most notably and importantly, our youth.  Living in a town with such a high LGBTQ+ population and strong reputation for affirming our community and lacking this basic practice creates a sense of confusion and cognitive dissonance for many, and in my professional opinion, impacts others who are not even overtly aware of the impact.  As someone who frequently visits LGBTQ+ centers, clinics, and other towns with high LGBTQ+ populations for professional and personal reasons, I have never seen a comparable town with such a stark lack of pride visibility.  Many of us have seen various more politically conservative towns covered in rainbows, and having large pride events, or multiple events throughout the month.  As a provider who works with and evaluates numerous LGBTQ+ youth, I hear young people verbalize things that adults often don't notice or don't say.  Youth will just ask me outright where are the pride flags here? I thought this was a queer-friendly town?  What's wrong with this town?  Why is the pride center in a basement? How come the building is so gray and there's no flag?  ...And most recently, what happened to the flags, why did they take them down in the middle of pride month?

The strange disconnect between the town's population and reputation pervades other aspects of town life as well.  There has been an equally notable and disturbing lack of pride month symbols, information or visual displays of any kind in our schools (until some small progress that also came this year).  The symbolic failures are more egregious given other failures and concerns including the lack of implementation and follow through on the transgender student policy and a variety of other school-related issues too numerous to describe here.  There is a lack LGBTQ+ representation in town government given our percentage of the population, and a lack of integration or even basic communication between the Pride Center of NJ, a major center for LGBTQ+ life in our state, and town government and entities, etc.  We understand the town and school governing bodies are separate, but we feel strongly that the environment in the larger community impacts and dovetails with a continuing culture of LGBTQ+ invisibility and failures in our school system.

WE MAINTAIN THAT:

• The flying of numerous pride flags and/or other pride symbols during pride month is a basic, non-controversial, and common practice in our state.
• The absence of these basic, affirming symbols is not a neutral act.  It sends a message that has a negative impact on our community, especially youth.
• Research shows school and community level LGBTQ+ affirming symbolism lowers suicide rates among LGBTQ+ youth as well as ALL youth and young adults.
• To the extent that any discomfort exists around pride symbols in the community, we maintain that the need to protect the lives of ALL youth and the LGBTQ+ community's physical and emotional safety should take precedence given the well-documented, grave level of risk for suicide and victimization.
• The flying of other flags such as American flags and other identity related flags is not relevant to the conversation about pride flags for the following reasons:

             -It pits groups against each other.  Rather than promoting                              solidarity, it promotes a culture of competitiveness and the idea                     that there is not enough affirmation to go around.  We reject this                  argument and offer our solidarity to any groups who feel a need                    for symbolic representation in our town.  

             -There are LGBTQ+ people in all other identity groups, so                               the idea that there is an either/or between affirming LGBTQ+                         people and other groups obscures the intersectionality within our                 community in problematic and potentially offensive ways.

             -Communities throughout the state find ways to display pride                         symbols liberally during the month of June without issue while                       also affirming other groups, acknowledging flag day, other                             holidays and groups, etc.

•   If there are safety concerns or other constraints related to flags (of any kind) being flown on the avenue, we call on the Mayor and Town Council to troubleshoot these barriers and find ways to safely, effectively widely display pride flags from June 1 to June 30 (and preferably, to some extent, throughout the year).

Regardless of the intent, taking down the pride flags before the end of the month was a harm to the LGBTQ+ community that requires open acknowledgement and repair.

WE ARE CALLING FOR:

• Mayor Elsie Foster to directly confirm or deny that she agreed with a group that was disgusted by the pride flags and personally removed some flags from the avenue as was described in a public social media post.
• The Mayor to directly and publicly state her position on the widespread presence of pride flags in Highland Park for the month of June.
• The Mayor and town council to provide a clear, direct rationale for removing the flags.
• The Mayor and town council to describe a plan for the flags to be returned, or an alternative plan for pride flags and/or commensurate pride month symbols to be displayed with a clear timeline of when this can be expected.

We have a lot of work to do as a community.  We hope this will be the start of a respectful, collaborative dialogue that will help make our community safe and more transparent for all.

Del Sasso (they/them) - Founder and Director of QuEAR Candy, Parent, Queer and Genderqueer Highland Park Resident, Clinical Psychologist and Small Business Owner

(Image ID:  Photo is of Raritan Ave. outside the Rite-Aid.  Four large progress pride flags can be seen in flag poles along the avenue)