Capybaras make amazing pets. If you don’t know what they are, look them up. They are semi-aquatic mammals who love to hug. They are also the WORLD’S LARGEST RODENT (adorable right?). Well, you know what is not adorable? Australians are not allowed to own Capybaras as pets. They were basically designed to be a pet, yet we are denied access to these sovereigns of friendship. A capybara has never killed a human, and they do not know how to use weapons (Several reputable articles, 2020). Capybaras are extremely intelligent and sensitive creatures. They have been known to help with math homework, but do not like to write essays. They experience severe separation anxiety and cannot stand being away from their loved ones (just like me), which is why I am also proposing that Capybaras should be allowed on public transport and in banks. Capybaras can also be potty-trained, so they are already more well-behaved than a 3 year old human child. Why are humans allowed to take their non-toilet trained offspring on public transport but my capybara is banned? Anyway, as capybaras are extremely intelligent, they are actually really good at escaping as they can jump 4 feet high and are freakishly fast runners. But don’t worry, capybaras will not become a pest in Australia. I know this because capybaras love hay, a lot. They love hay more than you love chocolate. If a capybara escaped they would realise that hay is not free and come back to their owners immediately.

Thank you for signing this petition. I will be sending you all a postcard of me and my capybaras when this nightmare is over.