The Cincinnati Bengals had the most embarrassing season of 2019. It’s been more than 30 years since the Bengals made it to the Super Bowl, and with the exception of a few seasons (namely ‘05, ‘09, ‘13 & ‘15) we haven’t even managed to make it to the playoffs. Is it the Brown Family? The coaches? The Hamilton County Justice Center that houses many of our players? No. It’s none of that.

It’s our theme song.

As previously stated, the Bengals haven’t seen a Super Bowl game since 1988. Why is this relevant? Well because back in 1988 there was this little band called Guns ‘n Roses, and they had a hit song called Welcome To The Jungle. It’s not about an actual jungle, it’s a song about a bad neighborhood full of drugs, hookers and violence. But since Bengal tigers live in jungles, someone got the wise idea to make it the official theme song of the Cincinnati Bengals, and we haven’t been back to the Super Bowl since.

Years passed. Guns ‘n Roses broke up after a couple good albums (seriously, Use Your Illusion II is like a rock and roll orgasm. If you’re in your car and Estranged starts playing on your Spotify, and you don’t sing along, you’re probably the type of person that likes black licorice. Something wrong with you, man). The Bengals continued to be the laughing stock of the NFL. And we tried to cling to our 1988 past, playing Welcome To The Jungle at every game.

It’s now 2020, and it’s time for a change. We got new coaches, we got a new quarterback, now we need a new song. Axl Rose doesn’t need the royalty checks anymore. But you know who does? Joe Exotic. That’s right, Tiger King Joe Exotic. It’s time the Cincinnati Bengals change their theme song from Welcome To The Jungle to Joe Exotic’s hit song I Saw A Tiger. Nothing has captured America’s heart like the hit Netflix documentary, Tiger King, and it’s that kind of momentum that will take us to the Super Bowl.  Think of the excitement and camaraderie that will fill Paul Brown Stadium as those fireworks go off, the announcer says “ladies and gentlemen, your Cincinnati Bengals!” and the soothing country licks boom across the stadium, as 65,000 fans sing those Americana lyrics, “Cause I saw a tiger, and now I understand. I saw a tiger, and a tiger saw a man.” It gives you chills, doesn’t it?

We are ready for new. We are ready for a change. We want to see a tiger, preferably some Bengals, in the Super Bowl. So please, let that tiger see a man, or a woman, sign this petition, and change the Cincinnati Bengals theme song to I Saw A Tiger by Joe Exotic. He could probably use the money in his commissary, if anything. And maybe if we’re lucky, Joe’s case will be overturned by the end of the year, and we can have him perform live at the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Thank you for your time and consideration!