It’s that time of year again. Brexit has left not a single Brit unscrewed, it has rained for 21 consecutive days and you’ve once more become fat, single and utterly hopeless. 

It’s not you alone who needs a hero in your time of need- it’s the entire country. We need a leading light, someone to captain the sinking- nay- gurgling, sloppy ship that is our country.

That person is none other than Hugh Grant. We’ve all seen Love Actually at least twice a year for the best part of our lives, as a matter of principle. We know his whimsical dance routine and inspirational, tacky love story by heart. He is a sensitive, humorous and brave prime minister. He doesn’t believe in fat shaming. He stands up to those who bully us. 

It’s time to make our 16-year fantasy a reality, and take the salvation of our nation (give me a beat), into our own hands. 

This Christmas, give yourself the gift of Prime Minister Grant.