gofund me link : https://gofund.me/06d134f9

** Needless to say, the Pastors have filed to adopt my child. They had me create a will because they deemed me “incapacitated” although i wasnt, it is what it is—  “ EX PARTE” was the order of guardianship created after i signed the will, that i was never aware of, until the summer of 2021. i thought it was fake because i did not sign it. on the contrary,  as i am not unfit, nor am i incapable of raising my daughter, withthe details & testimony provided below, i had ALOT of healing to do. i am not proud of my past , but i truly wouldnt change much of it. as it has shaped, formed & resulted in me being an amazing mother, daughter, sister, friend, companion, advocate of sex trafficking, sexual abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse, physical abuse, a fellow addict in ACTIVE RECOVERY & an endless amount of possibilities. 

 

in the year of 2022, i have completely changed my life, mindset & habits. i have completed out patient treatment successfully. i work w RADAC, vocational rehab, and i am currently proceeding in finishing my cosmetology license in 2 states. 

 

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. I AM POSSIBLE. YOU, MYFRIEND ARE POSSIBLE. I LOVE YOU. KEEP GOING!!

 

 

Greetings, my name is “MJ”. I am now, 25 years of age. I have one daughter and 9 angel babies. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t carry past 12 weeks nor does my blood type mix well with others.. ZJAY was my 7th pregnancy. ZJY was born December 18th, 2019, weighing in at 6lbs 3 oz, at 10:48 pm.  I was born to CYP on October 24th, 1997 @ 8:52am, in A small townKansas. I was dealt an unfair hand of cards, but knowing who I am as a person, healing my soul and asking God for help, guidance and love when I couldnt tend to do those things for myself. In this lifetime, I was and am the “blacksheep” of my family. But, let the truth be told; I am the chosen one for the breaking of the chains to slave mindsets, cliche generational curses & ancestral curses. I am my own mother and my own father. 

I chose my (soon to be) adoptive mother, NRM Mom when I was 23 years old. She was the answer to my grandmothers prayers, my child self’s prayers & the future me’s victory prayers. A woman that has no kin to me can feel my energetic motions, my needs and my triggers just by looking at me. A woman who has seen me at my worst & decided to love me more that day, a woman who has watched me grow into the amazing mother, woman and Mj I can possibly be. I am here today solely, because that woman has pushed me to my limits, supported my recovery, healing and been there. Every. Single. Step. Of. The. Way. Trigger warning for what you may read next, this is 100% real, and my testimony.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of my earliest memories, of my life, was being molested by multiple men at a time. I had tried to tell  my biological mom, but she would just gaslight me, and assure me that I was fine, nothing was wrong w me, and that it was probably just a nightmare.  Now that Im older, and I’ve spoke with her about the situations, she in fact knew. She did in fact admit, apologize and attempted to reconcile our relationship, because she realizes she was wrong for not just allowing it, but setting it up. Most of the men that raped me at a young age were the ones paying the bills, while my “___” was getting high on DOPE DOPE. Those type of things went on until I was about 12 years old, by multiples of men. Frank was also molesting other kids that my “___” babysat. One time specifically, I was ordered to go take a nap in their room with a little boy under 5yo. I still regret not taking little boy under 5yo to my room to nap, but we proceeded to their room. Frank was the only adult home, in charge, and you didn’t wanna make him mad, because he’d make you feel it and there was NO changing it. Anyways, I remember laying on the North side of the bed, the bed was facing from East to West, little boy under 5yo  in between Frank and I, and Frank on the south. There was a headboard that had a mirror on it , it was black and shiny, it was not connected to the bed, in fact was used as a nightstand, persay.   I watched him rape me, and then turned around and do it to little boy under 5yo … I was familiar with the situation , but I didn’t know that it happened to other kids, at the time. All I could do was lay there and cry, because they were both boys… It didn’t seem right to me. 

 

One Wednesday evening, I believe I was in about 8th grade, we had just learned the sexual reproduction system in Ms. Kratky’s Health class. We also learned about rape, molestation, etc.. I came home and told my Aunt MY that I needed to talk to her about something. I was honestly a jokester as a child, I always made people laugh, so she was like ‘Monk ( my nickname from my family ), what, as she was joking.’ I then informed her of the current “man” in my “_____” life, Frank, was molesting me. She then called a few people and before knew it, we were at the police station in my hometown, speaking with the lady cop. I told her everything. When we were done, _____ was furious. She dropped me off at home, and we later found out she went to Frank’s house. In less than 3 months, she dropped the charges, and told me that it was my fault. 

 

About October 31st of that same year, we packed up in the middle of the night and moved to Colby. We lived in somebody’s basement. There wasn’t actual running water down there, black mold everywhere, we didn’t have fridge, a stove, nor even a microwave. After being with my biological mom until summertime, I was put into foster care. After the summer was over, I moved to Liberal, and started becoming self sufficient with the help of my foster mom, Billie Adkison. We lived on Carlton Ave, in Liberal Kansas. I was in the top 10% of the entire district, I participated in numerous extra curricular activities and I loved where my life was going. Suddenly, it was time to move back to Colby with my biological mother. Within the first few months of living back with ____, I got drunk for the first time, by myself. I didn’t know how addictive alcohol truly was, but I most definitely craved that “high”. Towards the end of that school year, I wanted to live with my dad, so I found him. At that time I had never even known who he was from Adam. He asked me to send him nudes through an email, to see how my body had progressed, and I think I did it & told my biological mom about it after I did it. She then called the police and they explained to me that people like him are sick and don’t really get better. They become better at manipulating. Shortly after that incident, my biological mother had moved her and I, to Midland, Texas with my aunt Matilda. We all wanted for me to go to her “ Alma Mater “, which was Robert E Lee high school. During Spring break, I was staying with my bestfriend and I was attending my first quincenera. My biological mother was high on whatever substance she was high on, broke into the house and realized us girls weren’t there. When the mother of the house woke up and realized what was going on, she asked us to come back to the house. So we immediately drove back to her house and as soon as I walked in, she started ripping my hair out of my head, and so I fought back,. For the first time ever, I. FOUGHT. BACK.. My aunt told me that ____ tried to make a police report about me putting my hands on her, but she only told the side of the story that made me look like the troubled teen. At that point I could only go back to the house with a police escort. That’s when the Texas Rangers removed me from School, took me to the advocacy center and asked me what was going on. And I told them everything. There was a point and time where the school was concerned because I showed up to school with bruises and welts all over my body and all of my friends told my English teacher, Mrs. Batson, what had happened, what they heard, and what they had witnessed. That English teacher, by all means, reported it. The Texas Rangers gave me the ultimatum to move back with family in Kansas, attempt emancipation, or  be entered in the Texas state system, move to a group home, etc.. I decided to move back home and got entered into the foster care system. At that point I was moved into the original foster care home I was in, and there were discrepancies in the home and I was moved to multiple homes for “respite”. After the school year I was placed in kinship with my Godmother and that only last a few months then I moved in with my biological grandfather. That’s when I was introduced to marijuana, and other drugs including alcohol. Slowly but surely, I became addicted and completely reliant on said substances. I dropped out of high school multiple times & eventually started racking up debts. At some point and time I did commit forgery, and earned 66 felonies. After speaking with the opposed party, we had all had the same understanding of what had happened & I only got 3 charges.  And I didn’t run from it.  I realized I had a problem. I enrolled myself into Job Corps, in Manhattan Kansas. I did recover, I did abstain from drugs, I attended all meetings that were required and even the ones that weren’t required.  I graduated high school within a matter of 2 months of being enrolled with the program. August 19, 2016. I was promoted to secretary of the dorm, I was a leader, I helped my floor of women with all sorts of things, self-discovery, relationships, relapse, recovery, self worth, etc. I completed my CNA & was attempting to go for my CMA, but my court case, and charges didn’t permit. I soon found myself living at the homeless shelter in Manhattan, Kansas.  I had 3 jobs before I knew it. I was in fact pregnant when I moved into the shelter. I lost one of my childhood friends due to drinking and driving, and later miscarried, 12/21/16. I never truly healed from that, I still carry that loss in my soul everyday, til this day. 

 

I started working at Cricket at the Manhattan mall. I met a lady at my other part-time job, any McDonald’s, who wanted to “care” for me, she was 27 when I was 18. Long story short, she and her boyfriend sex trafficked me for 3 years on and off, I would try to run away but she always found a way to bring me back to her, whether it was manipulation, gaslighting, physical abuse, bribing me with drugs, the ideation of partnership, money, even telling me we could be a family again. Even using her little sisters as pawns in such a gruesome game. Sometimes her boyfriend would hit me, throw me around, or they’d threaten to call the police and tell them everything I was doing and say that it was my fault, my plan etc. There were a few times I remember like it was yesterday, some of the most traumatizing situations in my entire life, we had lived on Allison Ave in Manhattan, KS. The driveway to the complex was a one way, and a slope downward. Her boyfriend literally tried to rip me out of my seatbelt while it was raining and we almost wrecked the car into the wall of the parking lot. There was another instance, the day before my birthday, we were in Wichita.. He was driving erratically, punching her in her face while he’s driving, her and I were able to jump out of the car at a liquor store and he tried to run us over multiple times. We ran into that liquor store and he came in throwing shoes, yelling, shouting, enraged, furious. We ended up running down the road full force to Enterprise, the car rental dealership. 

At the time I was doin drugs that id never done myself, and they’d feed it to me like it was it candy. I didn’t like the way it made me feel but they told me it’d help. Wo I believed them. I had moved back in with her because I had no where else to go when I found out I was 6-8 weeks pregnant. She started faking a pregnancy and that was when I knew I had to get out, because I was convinced she was going to take my baby away from me. She pretended to be my mom for awhile, very frequently, She would “Protect” me from other men talking to me, people threatening to beat me up, “relationships”, girls who wanted to fight me, for my choice. Of baby daddy, etc. One day I believe it was in the month of May of 2019, I started attending a pentecostal church again (previously met ger in 2016) with a woman named Monica McCeady, and she assured me that what they were doing was in fact not okay. I did press charges for revenge porn, because they retaliated in that sense to scare me. Monica helped me understand what sex trafficking was. She then had me reach out to the crisis shelter and they accommodated my stay. Right before August I moved back home to Goodland with my biological family and that only lasted 3 weeks because my family couldn’t provide me the help I needed. Not that they couldn’t, but I needed professional help. I contacted options , St. Francis Ministries and such to assist me. I moved to Hays Kansas August 10, 2019, I moved here because my sex traffickers were out for my soul and they wanted me dead. They conned my family and friends out of thousands of dollars - which my family then reported them to the KBI & FBI. When I first moved to Hays with my main priority- getting involved in church, getting baptized & setting a solid foundation on. And it jus so happened that Celebration Church was along the  church line and the family/friends  I had been in since 8th grade. A lot of people told me not to, but they made me feel like I was worthy of a second chance. I became involved with some pastors very early on and was soon baptized. The family brought me home from church most Sundays and helped me with furniture and baby items for my new apartment. They weren’t there for the birth of my daughter, my biological family, CB and MY in fact were. Zendaiah Jordyn-Anne Yarbrough was born on December 18, 2019, weighing in at 6lbs 3oz, at 10:48pm.  She was so beautiful. And it was a magical moment for me. She was born jaundice, with Mongolian spots and had difficulties with her bilirubin count. We both had an infection and they kept her for 7 days after she was born for proper care and treatment. With that being said I brought Zendaiah home on Christmas. God’s gift to me on the one of the merriest holidays was finally bringing my baby home. My family was finally complete, her & I was all I ever needed.

 

Soon after my daughter was born, I had a warrant out for my arrest for a traffic ticket from Jan 2019, with my sex trafficker and her sugar daddy at the time. After I had taken care of all of my past discrepancies, my best friend T Jones moved out to Kansas from Texas to help me raise my daughter while I was in cosmetology school,. May 31, 2020 was when I started drinking again. I am not proud of it, by any means. I didn’t realize at the time how addicted it was. I never drank with my daughter around. I had plenty of family and friends that were rather trust worthy who would watch her while I enjoyed time with my friends. In about Sept of 2020 was when I realized I was experiencing Postpartum Depression  & Postpartum Psychosis. I actively was seeking help through high plains, including medication that started in about march of 2020. I was honest about everything I was going through, working through and what had happened in my life. Shortly after I communicated with the Pastor family the seriousness of what my mental health was doing, they had me create a WILL, at that time the WILL was the only thing I recall signing, now looking back they had to of put the guardianship papers within that will, which I was never made aware of. I truly believe they either forged my signature or they slipped that paper in there without telling me anything. At the time I didn’t know why a will was created. The first week in October The Pastors  took Zendaiah to school for me because I was not well, mentally, I didn’t have my car & to be quite frank, I had been drinking since 4 am. I reached out for help because I didn’t have a way to get her to school. At about 5pm that night The Pastors called me and told that I was being investigated for abusing Zendaiah -sexually and physically - . And that she wouldn’t be coming home. NEVER EVER have I EVER abused my daughter, mentally, physically, spiritually nor emotionally. I was very distraught and I felt like I had lost my mind, replaying the last 10 months, wondering what had I done wrong.. The chief of police ask me to come down for questioning at about 8-9pm. And I went. He had mentioned that I was being investigated for sexual and physical abuse. Zendaiah had scarring on her private parts from a diaper rash that her pediatrician () was aware of and she was born with Mongolian spots. And later signed off that there was nothing to worry about and everything was intact as needed. Zendaiah STILL never came home. I beat myself up mentally and convinced myself that I was a horrible mother, when I in fact hadn’t even actually begun my journey of raising my daughter, let alone my first experience at being a mother. I was the first mother I had ever known of.  I had been ideating suicide for months, and I thought I was better off dead at that point. 

 

 

 

 That Friday of that week I said my goodbyes & I then went to go visit my cousins in Iowa. i stayed with them for almost a month and a half and soon made it back to hays, before thanksgiving.  I got reinvolved with not just Zendaiah but regular living, mental health, and school. I spent my first Christmas with Pators in 2020, brought in the new year with them as well. In about march of 2021 I lost multiple family members and one of my close friends. Gabe, an 18 year old boy, my brothers best friend, was hit by a 16 wheeler at his first job. And I declined from there. I soon dropped out of school again, experienced a miscarriage and was working at Qdoba. My aunt LC , created an event so I could attend for her birthday. I hadn’t seen her since before I was pregnant with Zendaiah and we all felt like I just needed a break from everything. While I was at the airport, getting ready to take my FIRST FLIGHT EVER, The pastors made me aware that they were taking my daughter out of state. But didn’t mention that they were doing that before I left. I was very upset, I wouldn’t have went to visit my family if I knew that ahead of time. At that time, My aunt invited me to move to Alabama with them, and that I could bring my daughter. The pastors were so upset and told me no. When I came home we would discuss it. They also quit sharing their Live360 Locations when I told them we were looking into moving closer to her dad and my family. At that time I didn’t understand why these people who considered theirselves to be apart of my family, MY “MOM AND DAD”, were so against me moving with my actual family & uniting Zendai’ah with her families, so bad. My aunt then made me aware of some pictures and how my daughter wasn’t her authentic self, we then reviewed some videos and how they pushed her off of them while they were dancing, and I tried to side with the opposing party like its not like that. But I in fact was wrong. When I came back from Alabama, we never had the conversation , in fact they avoided any type of conversation as such. I got my daughter regularly again, but this time was different, I started to see the racial innuendos, they started leaving me out of events, became more distant. I definitely took that hard, because they were the “family” I had always wanted. ( YEAH RIGHT ). In about September 2021, I got my first DUI, EVER. I don’t even remember how I got that intoxicated, but I was regretful. I finally realized I had purpose, I had a reason to live. I truly wanted to live, and hadn’t felt this way since my beautiful daughter was born. Being the up & coming almost responsible adult I was, I had a friend pick me up after I sobered up & I went to them and told them what I had done. And a plan for future. They greeted with me some tough love & assured me that they weren’t upset nor were they going to keep Zendai’ah from me. They told me they’d support me & rest assured - I believed them. I went and got an alcohol and drug evaluation done, I got back to seeing my therapist multiple times a month, attempted medication again. And signed a release of information for them to be able to check on me when need be. I did in fact ween myself off of drinking- easy does it. Slowly but surely I didn’t experience withdrawals as bad as I had before. I was confident in my recovery. I mean I’ve been partying and drinking, smoking weed for over 10 years of my 25 years of life, what was I suppose to do? How was I suppose to do it? I did what and how I knew best. 

 

 

 

In November of 2021, I had a nightmare where my daughter was kidnapped from her daycare by my sex trafficker & so I called the school to make sure she was there, that they had eyes on her at the moment. The school said I wasn’t allowed to know any information about MY daughter. So I started getting really resentful, angry & So I took it upon myself to start digging and finding out what my rights were. I started digging into who these people truly were, nothing was making sense. I then reached out to my aunt and told her what was going on, and she informed me that that’s how it happens. Especially with black women below the poverty line, they’re gonna make you out to be the crazy one, and that’s just the beginning. She told me what I needed to do, and that was to simply but surely HEAL. I’d been through 22 years of narcissism, physical, mental, sexual emotional & NOW spiritual abuse. Id never had a single handed healthy relationship in my life, and at that point id felt like the relationship I was building with my own child wasnt even real.  BOY WAS SHE RIGHT. When I started healing, I hated myself. I blamed myself. But in all actuality, I was just a kid when the initial abuse took place so how could I have known any better? I started forgiving myself, for the littlest of things, then the big things, especially the things that I had actually done. Then I started forgiving the people who never apologized, nor realized they were in the wrong, including those who didn’t see that they were the adult in the situation & allowed horrific, traumatic things happen.  I started truly thinking I was beautiful for once, I had hope, faith & of course I had my days where I couldn’t stand to see what was in the mirror, but those days became less and less. 

 

At the beginning of December of 2021, my mom was hospitalized for her asthma and COVID. The day I went with her, God laid it on my heart for me to go talk to my daughters pediatrician. When I arrived in her department, the front desk turned me away and told me that I was forbidden to know any of my daughters medical information. She is in fact on MY insurance plan, she IS in fact MY child. So I slammed that damn door open, and rushed to my mom to relay the new information. Before I made it back to the emergency department, her pediatrician called my personal phone and asked me to come back and that she would speak with me. When I arrived, ironically, the had the door open, LOL, and so I went in her office and sat down. She closed the door behind us, and she started by saying “im not allowed to tell you much, but I can say Zendaiah is healthy, she is doing well.” She then made me aware that these people went to her in October of 2020 and told her about the markings -and that’s when she told them that I had brought her in for the diaper rash multiple times & that she was born with Mongolian spots. So she dismissed their accusations, She then stated that The Pastors had told her that my mom ( ) and I had been touching Zendaiah inappropriately, and they’d like to make a report, but her pediatrician told them that when she did the exam, there was nothing abnormal that she hadn’t already seen for previously. So she denied them the opportunity to report me. The Pediatrician told me that I needed to get a good attorney to fight for mine and my daughters rights, because they had given her a whole story as to how what who and when, but the pediatrician had already known of me, my family and Zendai’ah enough to know something wasn’t right. She wasn’t going to be allowed to be called to the stand unless an attorney out her there.  After that day I started my hunt for an attorney. I tried calling DCF, St Francis, Hotlines, conducted Google searches everyday looking for an attorney who would tell me just the slightest of information on what to do… 90% of the attorneys in this city said they couldn’t represent me because of “Conflict of Interest”. So I had no options, nor could I afford one out of town. 

 

 

 

By the 2nd week of December MY daughter had been saying “papas naked” for about 3 months at this time, her behavior changed. Multiple nights she tried to fight me, my mom, little sisters  for trying to change her diaper, and that was very abnormal for her to do.  She wouldn’t let anybody change her diaper unless it was me. Including my mom, sisters & my very close friends. I started keeping my daughter alot longer than they intended and didn’t give them a choice. Sometimes my phone wouldn’t work and to be quite honest I didn’t care to communicate with these people about MY child. They threatened me with calling the police multiple times, and they know how scared of police I truly was. They tried to keep my daughter from me on Christmas, and they tried to keep her from me on her birthday. Not only were my feelings hurt, but my family, my siblings were just heartbroken over how much they truly mourned with me and for me. These people were out for my blood, and I mistakenly trusted them with my entire world. They bought me a phone for Christmas, but tried to send it back because I called them white people. In fact, my “yt family”. I posted 2 pictures of my daughter, 10  months with me and 10 months with them, you can see the difference in my child’s demeanor. I wrote a very long Facebook post, explaining to my friends and family what had happened over he last few years- especially since I kept my life on the down low since I escaped my sex traffickers. They found every single bit of it offensive and told me that they wouldn’t consider the reintegration plan until I publicly apologized on all social media platforms for humiliating them, disrespecting them and essentially putting out a false narrative on who they are a whole. I DID NOT, because the post wasnt ever intended to be about them, so the fact that they internalized that, wasn’t on me. 

 

January 29, 2022, I went to the chief of police, I went to county attorneys office, I went to DCF and spoke with a supervisor AGAIN, I filed multiple reports and nothing was getting done. Everybody just kept looking at me like I was crazy, but they steady pointed me in another direction. At some point I just kept getting the run around. All these people knew what I was talking about, they knew me by name, situation and almost by voice. I returned to church on February 13th, 2022, in Nicodemus, Kansas. Upon one of the first times ever attending, the pastor had said, “ We gotta start listening to these babies”… and it sent on from there. This is the first my daughter had ever been able to attend church with me, and she truly enjoyed herself. That following week was the just the beginning of my lifetime nightmare. My daughter stayed home with me on a Tuesday, Feb 15th, 2022 because she was sick. I was just joking around on snapchat and my daughter was in the back ground of one of my videos saying “Papas naked”.. And I was mortified, I didn’t know until March 15th, that I got it on camera. I called the police station and requested to press charges and such and they literally told me there’s nothing they can do. So, I calmed down, attempted to hesitate giving her back to them, and when they came to pick her up she refused to go with them, ran to my mamas car saying “no no no im going to mommoms with Ona.” (Ona is my soon to be adopted mom). They chased her down while she’s pleading that she didn’t wanna go with them. I continued calling every night like id always done, that Thursday, the pastor dude  gave her a bath and it was very unsettling for me to hear that out of all the women in that house that were free, why was he giving her a bath? Still question it til this day.. Anyways, February 18th at approximately 7:21 am, I called my daughter as I had done most mornings, and the first thing my daughter said was “Papas snake got me and it hurt” as soon as she said that I turned to my cousin, and had asked her if she heard that and she in fact did. So I asked Zendai’ah what she said, she said it again and the wife pastor was like “There goes Z with those big ole lies again”, “ Just because papa doesn’t have a shirt on, doesn’t mean he’s naked”. the father pastor was in fact clothed - A White button up & Blue dress pants. 

When I got my daughter that night right before 5:30pm, I didnt say a word to them. I got my daughter and went back in my house, I inspected her body and changed her diaper and clothes - as I had been directed to. By the hotlines & my family.  She then repeated that “papas snake got her and it hurt”, while patting her crotch. That same weekend, I was at home cleaning and Zendai’ah was at Naomi’s and she called me and said theres something wrong w Zendai’ah, I’m coming to get you right now. So as i got in the car Mom made me aware that Zendai’ah didnt want anybody to touch her diaper, not even Shirley. which was one of her first best friends ever. Thus side of my family has been watching Zendai’ah since May of 2020. 

 

That Sunday, I got on a greyhound bus and took my daughter to Children’s Mercy in Kansas City, where my aunt CB, worked. Several hours later I was being arrested for “kidnapping my own child.” I haven’t seen Zendaiah since February 22,2022 at approximately 3:39pm. Since then I took a plea for interference with parental custody. The Pastors told Mom that if I took the plea deal they would drop the no contact order, they in fact didn’t. I didn’t get to see my daughter for her 3rd birthday & the 2nd Christmas without her. These people told a majority of the people in their life that I had tried to kill my child. They’ve lied to their children and their children friends about who I am as a whole, and now that some of those kids hangout with my siblings, they see me for WHO I truly am, and not the false narrative that’s been created. There is a police officer who was investigating on the 22nd day in February, knowing that I hadn’t had ANY type of contact with the police department, AT ALL, said that I told him I was going to “turn Zendai’ah Yarbrough off in 20 minutes”. For whatever reason he’s still on the force, and its not the first time he’s provoked a situation, lied about a situation, or had a settlement outside of court for. Ive heard from multiple people that The Pastors have told people time and time a numerous amount of rumors about me that are not true. 

 

I am writing this letter to help my voice be heard, I’m begging and pleading for anybody who knows anybody or anything to help me bring my baby home. From one parent, citizen & human to another, please hear my voice, hear my cry..   please help me. It has now almost been a year since I’ve seen my daughter. This year was the first birthday I’ve ever missed of hers, and the first of mine she hasn’t been to.  I pray to God that he guides me in the right direction, order my steps & resonate with my soul.