We’ve all been there, craving a nutritious meal that only one thing can satisfy… Hot Pockets. Those pockets filled with sauce and meat hit the spot like no other. However, during my most recent quest for the unique joy only a pair of Hot Pockets can provide, I was horrified to discover there was no protective microwave sleeve for my delectable hot pockets. I stood there, frozen, unsure of how to cook them properly. The instructions claimed the sleeves were unnecessary, but I knew better. This is just another media lie, just like the lie they perpetuate about how pop-tarts can’t be fully frosted. Folks we HAVE the technology.

Then came my next problem, without the protective microwave sleeves, how was I supposed to know which side and direction to eat my Hot Pockets? After cooking the Hot Pockets, I found them to be drier than eating 16 saltine crackers in a minute.

This is inexcusable. I ask for your support in boycotting Hot Pockets until they bring back the protective microwave sleeves. Stand with me and show your support, they cannot keep getting away with this. This would have never happened under Bush. 

I invite you to join me in visiting Solon, Ohio, home of the Hot Pocket’s headquarters, to give their board of directors a playful dose of spankings and wet willies. Let's then ask them how they can expect people to delight in their Hot Pockets when they can't even cook them evenly. We will leave them with a presentation on heat distribution led by Bill Nye, Lebron James, Ken Bone, and yours truly. 

For those who can’t make the long trip to Ohio go to your local Federal Express (FedEx) and loiter. I’m talking about loitering the heck out of FedEx for weeks. We are going to bring this country to a grinding halt until Federal representatives take action on our behalf. Oh and for our supporters overseas send all your prayers and money this way. 

Additionally, I have a buddy who is in cahoots with Mountain Dew and they are on the brink of a breakthrough in recreating the protective microwave sleeve technology for ourselves. He says they’ve really got it this time. 

#SaveTheSleeve #SleeveSavers #PocketPerfection #PocketPower