Last week I took my daughter that now lives with me for an interview at a new school we are considering for it's combined therapeutic and educational approach.  As the intake counselor was asking questions relating to my daughter's mom, she had to stop the interview and make sure that my daughter was ok.  It turns out, mom is a such trigger that my daughter's fear and anxiety levels increased at just the mention of mom. I was practically in tears because my graduate work in counseling, life experience and the insights from my fiancee painted a different picture for me.  It was a portrait of deeply rooted pain that was going to be something that could hurt my daughter for years to come if not managed carefully.  I’m not a person that takes any satisfaction in seeing my kids in pain.  I think as parents we have a responsibility to identify when our loved ones are hurting and cover them with love and compassion.

For a long time I questioned whether or not I was overreacting to the emotional concerns I identified regarding my kids.  I saw my older daughter's mood and behavior change to the point that I thought it would be obvious to anyone she was in crisis.  I reached out to mom to see if we could get on the same page with providing support.  But mom wasn’t interested.  As my daughters anxiety and depression increased, mom consistently told her that it was in her head and that she was being selfish.  As a father, I could not sit back and do nothing.  I tried to gain the support of the doctors, school, etc.  I even had her primary care doctor call me unexpectedly to tell me that she was concerned about my daughters depression level.

Whenever I addressed my concerns with the school, the problems were put on my daughter as not being motivated enough and being the cause of her own issues.  I’m not a genius, but how do you expect a depressed teen with anxiety to find motivation when they’re living in a nightmare of neglect and emotional abuse.  I suggested that my kids should be in intensive therapy and that the school should consider my daughters drop and grades, sudden behavioral issues and falling asleep in class daily as a series of red flags.  Well, Bay Creek Middle School had their policies and to this day, I don’t know how they classify a crisis situation.  I begged and pleaded for them to file a report with child services, explaining to them that something is wrong based on what I know of my kids.  My plea’s fell on deaf or ignorant ears because nothing was done.

Then I had the uphill battle at the school because my ex was an employee at the school as a substitute teacher.  So anything I said was being done just to spite her.  Keep in mind, I lived in another state, have a fiancee and now 4 kids to love and care for, plus an intense job among other things in life to keep me occupied.  You see, I’m more interested in planning the next adventure or family vacation or figuring out how to enrich my kids.  Quite frankly, I don’t have the time to put energy into my ex.  But the truth is that she is so good at manipulation she had Judge Laura Tate of Gwinnett County modify an order with inaccurate information about me.  The right thing to have done since my ex served as her own counsel would have been to contact the court to make corrections, but of course that never happened.  Why didn’t I have the changes made?  Remember, I have more important things to do in life like care for my kids.  Oh, I’d also already spent over 30k that year in legal fees and would have had to spend another 5k at least to correct the order.  I don’t have time for BS.  Judge Tate even allowed my ex to question my spirituality and religious beliefs and modified the order to say that I didn't provide as adequate of a spiritual environment for my kids.  Still baffled as to how a judge can gauge how spiritual a person is without truly knowing that person.  The good Christian thing is not to judge, but I guess that doesn’t apply to the specially sanctified.  That decision caused much harm to my kids and actually turned them away from believing that God cares about them.  You see, mom told them often that they were going to hell to the point they would ask me in fear if that were true.  Not a good way to draw your kids closer to God.

I get an email out of the blue asking if my oldest child could live with me.  My daughter moves in and shortly after I get a call from Georgia DFCS.  They wanted to know if my daughter was safe with me because they had an open investigation against her mother, Amy Andujar.  Sending my daughter to live with me turned out to be the one way DFCS would close the case against her.  Red flag as the school should have taken this into consideration, but they didn't.

My daughter then goes to visit mom during Thanksgiving break.  She returns to me and is hospitalized because mom failed to make sure that she received her medication.  Not good.

My youngest daughter decided that she wanted to live with me.  She's 12.  I get a call from her while she was at school telling me that she wants to run away.  The next day she sends me a text during school time indicating suicidal thoughts.  I believe statements like this should always be taken seriously because it’s hard to predict what a pre-teen may or may not do.  Kids don’t hold up a flag and say “I’m about to do it now”.  I contacted the school and advised that my daughter needed immediate help.  I let them know that child services needs to be contacted and that the issue is serious since her behavior escalated so rapidly literally overnight.  Red flag.

Assistant principal Heather Young tells my daughter that she's only acting out for attention because she wants to live with me.  Who in their right fckn mind would ever take the risk and imply such a concept to a 12 year old?  Heather Young did.  Is Heather Young trained in child psychology and assessment?  If she is, then she violated every rule on dealing with such issues.  The number one thought should have been do no harm and minimize all risk.

The school then sends my daughter home with mom after having a meeting without me.  Mom turned the situation around so that my daughter was at fault and was acting out.  The school even had my daughter tell her mother twice that she loved her.  Red flag.  Child is hurting so bad that she feels trapped and that death may be the only option.  Take said child aside and make child tell parent that you love them.  In the right world, it’s the adults and parents that should be surrounded the child with love.  Unconditional love.  Help the child understand that it’s ok to hurt, we are going to get you the support and help you need.

You would think mom took her for an immediate evaluation.  She didn't until the next day.  You would think contacting the police and child services would prompt action.  Nope.  Gwinnett County Police did what they call a welfare check.  They spend about 15 seconds asking my daughter if she was ok and they walked away.  Mom told them she was waiting for the school to recommend a place for evaluation.  The police believed her.  I asked the police if it was normal to wait so long to bring a suicidal child for an evaluation?  I had private insurance, she could have received immediate medical attention.  However, they were only interested in justifying their actions since I challenged their approach.  When I told them that mom took my daughters phone after the police left and said “fuck you” to me in front of my daughter, they didn’t believe it.  Red flag.

Ultimately, the school is supposed to follow Georgia law and report any suspected child abuse or neglect.  The evidence of neglect and abuse was clear, but the school refused to do the right thing.  Their actions which are documented over the past few years show negligence and a failure to follow ethical counseling guidelines.  Do no harm is a serious rule.  Instead they refused to respond to my requests and clearly didn't act to protect my kids.

Maybe I'm the unusual dad that takes his role very seriously to have a daily presence in the life of my children.  Parenting is a special job and we need to stand up and protect our kids.  We need to be their voice when they cannot speak.  In my case, the voice of reason was too much for Bay Creek Middle School and they chose to shut me down as they've done in the past.  In fact, Principal Maggie Fehrman has not even responded to my last few emails.  If this were her child, I don't think she would have acted as complacent.  The culture of inaction within Bay Creek Middle School needs to stop.  It's irresponsible and unacceptable that I have to fight so hard as a parent because of the discrimination and bias.

Please encourage accountability and for a formal investigation into the harmful practices of Bay Creek Middle School and other Gwinnett schools.  My challenges go back several years.  The school board needs to push this matter and make it right.  The Gwinnett Solicitor needs to open an investigation and file the appropriate charges according to Georgia law.  

Please help by signing this petition.