Golf has become a four-to-six-hour “quick round” that somehow also requires breakfast, beers at the turn, a post-round recap, and at least one dramatic retelling of a bogey that should have been a par.

The average man shoots approximately 47 strokes higher than the PGA Tour average yet returns home speaking as though he narrowly missed qualifying for The Masters.

Girlfriends across America are being forced to hear sentences such as:
• “I was striping my driver today”
• “The greens were rolling fast”
• “I think I fixed my swing”
despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Men will spend:
• $700 on a driver
• $120 on a polo
• $14 on a transfusion
• and $0.00 on making dinner reservations.

Golf has caused countless women to spend beautiful Saturdays alone while their boyfriend sends blurry photos of a sand trap with the caption “course is pure today.”

Many male golfers possess a confidence level wildly disproportionate to their athletic ability, emotional availability, and current handicap.

“Golf season” has somehow expanded to include:
• spring golf
• summer golf
• fall golf
• winter simulator golf
• watching golf
• discussing golf
• buying golf accessories
• and “just hitting a bucket” for three consecutive hours.

No hobby should require this many polos, group chats, rangefinders, or explanations about wind direction from men who cannot parallel park.

Therefore, we the undersigned girlfriends respectfully request an immediate review of golf’s impact on relationships, brunch attendance, household productivity, and emotional peace nationwide.