Let’s stop beating around the bush; boneless wings are adult chicken nuggets. You know it. I know it. It’s time to officially acknowledge it, and with pride. Allow us to recapture some semblance of our youth and childish whimsy when we’re out at the Generic Sports Bar and Restaurant by slamming down an order of Adult Nugs while we watch the UFC pay-per-view, the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup playoffs, or March Madness.

We’re tired of being bullied by purists who insist that they’re better than us for ordering bone-in wings. We are told we are less-than because we choose the more efficient chicken meat delivery option, more accessible to sauces and kinder to teeth and beards alike. If you prefer bone-in, we are not stopping you from doing more work for less meat! I am proud to be a regular orderer of adult nuggets, and I know I’m not the only one out there.

It’s time for a rebranding. If you’re with me, I urge you to sign this petition, then go out into the world and live your truth: the next time you’re at a restaurant that offers “boneless wings”, proudly proclaim to your server that you’d like an order of “adult nuggets”. When they ask what you mean, educate them! Together, we can make a difference. Stand proudly, Adult Nuggeteers!