For way too long, the city of Kyle, TX has been misrepresenting itself and its citizenry to the rest of the world. We pretend that we are passionate about pies and attempt to evoke the feeling that for whatever reason, pies are important to us as a city. This couldn't be further from the truth - while pies are certainly important to SOME members of our community, they do not represent who we are, as a whole.

We're living in 2021, not in the 1940s. Pies are associated with themes of domestic servitude and evoke mental imagery of a poor soul slaving over an oven for hours, just to have their hard work stolen from a windowsill, or worse yet, find its way into the mouth of someone who doesn't appreciate pie. Modern studies and research are showing that pies are less popular than ever, and their popularity continues to plummet! If you don't believe me, just look at the pie chart I've included in the image headlining this petition! People that don't care about pies obviously outnumber those who do.

These days we're all about embracing our uniqueness and celebrating what makes us special, as individuals, neighbors and community members. Celebrating desert pastries however and hanging banners all over our town pretending our citizens do, is insincere in regard to who we are as a city and populous.

The situation does indeed sound dire, almost minceurmountable, but there is hope for our great city! Our city was blessed with one of the most distinctive and honorable names one could have asked for - Kyle. It is indeed a name that inspires its citizens and visitors alike with passion, and determination. The determination to punch through any obstacle, no matter how thick, even obstacles that are thicker than drywall. It emboldens those who say it, with a monstrous energy that allows one to overcome any difficulty in life - even one that causes as much pecantroversy as our great city's claim to fame does.

It's time to embrace our true roots! It's time to ditch the "Pie Capital of Texas" theme and live up to our city's glorious name! It's time we embrace our inner Kyle. We all know a Kyle or two - they love to drink monster energy, wear fox racing gear, punch holes in drywall when they get angry, and congregate into Pyles of Kyles. Just last year, our city tried to organize the first ever Pyle of Kyles. It never materialized, and I'm sure you can guess why - pies. The fact of the matter is, Kyles just don't really like Pie, and can you blame them? It's time we reassert our independence from this desert.

But what should we replace pies with you ask? I have a suggestion! Kyles love monster energy drinks, and even more than monster energy drinks, they love punching holes in drywall. I propose that moving forward, our city make our official mascot a can of Monster Energy Drink can exploding its way through a piece of drywall. This would truly and accurately represent the city of Kyle and what we are all about. Plus - I'm sure it would be rather simple to get Monster Beverage Corporation along with Home Depot and / or Lowes to start sponsoring our city along with the next Pyle of Kyles. Not only would this change truly represent who we are as a city and correct the ludicrous notion that we are a pie obsessed people, but it could potentially bring in revenue and funding for the city and future events. I believe that it would not only be short-sighted of us to not adopt these changes but also economically damaging to our community.


Please, Kyle city council - make Kyle, TX, Kyle again!