I feel so many feelings posting this 

Guilt - why can't I just work through it with a therapist (I did lots of inner work but still) 

It my fault - why couldn't I just have trusted my gut instinct and stayed home 

Why did I higher that doula 

Why didn't my brain have the ability to discern the manipulation going on from all sides from before 

Why couldn't I just let them put out my placenta and at least prevent the surgery later on 

Why did I listen to the doula telling me it's normal (at one point they said they would abandon me and let me ve deformed for life and die) 

Why did I need to respond to the doula's distractions etc. 

The truth is that I shouldn't have needed to make those choices - birth isn't dangerous and birth work shouldn't be evil. A vulnerable mom is not an approtunity to manipulate, shame and harm. Vulnerability is special and precious and should be nurtured and treasured- threats of abandonment, fear mongering and the later abuse they put me through is not normal. 

  I feel the first thing accomplished by this petition is taking a stand and saying that birth "violence"/ birth rape is wrong, female genital mutilation is wrong, the manipulation, drama and denial that happened afterwards, the mind games and tricks for me not to be able to process all that was happening is all abuse- I can work through the abuse- speak up- transform my experience- bez"H get the surgery I need and welcome better births in the future. 

Women don't need to suffer alone - the amount of healers, therapists who have told me - how do you know it happened to you, we will see who's fault it is, you looked so helpless and that was so uncomfortable (ignoring the harm caused) I just wanted to distract you... even the midwife said you are crazy, you must have been abused why are you so sensitive, work through the abuse so you won't be triggered by their abuse... your feelings aren't real they are just comming from a passed trauma that doesn't exist now... you were a hero - I don't know why you are complaining about your amazing birth... 

Birth is amazing and every desire a women has before, during and after her birth halachikaly and practicaly must be followed through, "helping" a woman by shaming her desires is wrong. Women are powerful, women are amazing, and hormones and birth can be understood- we can take our power back - we don't deserve to get harmed. Our body is our right, our body is our choice, we are safe to step into our authentic truth and have our choices come from deep inside us. 

Thank you everyone who has supported me so far- you are really the macabim from the times of chanukah and the nachshon Ben aminadav - just jumping in right from the start and supporting me from the start - proudly stating your name, proudly expressing who you are, proudly choosing to support the woman and listen to the truth and the story for what it is.  

Hashem should bless you in all of your endeavors and may this be a start of a world revolution- women trusting their bodies and their pleasure being respected. And bez"H all of the physical things of getting the surgery, money etc will work itself out... 

Thank you again and this month is a powerful month for these kind of things- ein mazal biyisroel - we are not limited to just luck we are powerful. 

May all poeple have that respect they deserve - there is never an excuse to hate. There is never an excuse to maim, their is never an excuse to cause someone harm. I don't care what color the person's skin is. I don't care how they feel about themselves in "society" how much money they have etc. Their is a power higher than ourselves that is watching everything that we are doing and writing everything down. 

Tzedek, tzedek, tirdof - justice shall provail and even though they might look like they got away with it because the lawyers said you have to file in within 6 months and theirbis a whole process to sue - they are still responsible because that is the truth- The law will fallow because that is true. 

Thank you for being part of the voice of truth and trusting that this will be successful - besides the fact of getting out of denial and validating its truth- its also a step towards seeing greater change in this world so that it shouldn't happen to anyone ever again chas visholom and create real long lasting change - not just for my life but for everyone around me. 

A women's birth choices matter, they are valid to be respected on all terms and levels. May we all feel healthy and safe with birth. 

Moshiach now!!!