So, where are we thus far? Okay, we’ve worked out that the Universal Credit “work coach” is really a “work coax” and they are not qualified to dispense advice on anything work related yet this redundancy is celebrated by so-called authority figures who should know better. This is the Mike Judge movie “Idiocracy” coming to fruition. You have to see that prophetic movie, we are seeing the beginning of the end of intelligent life on Earth! BY RIGHTS Yes, by rights the role of a “work coach” is to tailor-make job search goals based on your qualifications, skills, experiences, and desires. And, as you know, that simply does not happen as the “work coax” will try to usher the Jobcentre Plus clientele into menial positions as they believe it is the fastest way to get the clientele into work. This notion is so anserine it is unreal. I have been made to feel like I am in a surreal psychological horror movie by these “work coaxes” on it is very real and very, very disturbing to say the least! If you, like me, happen to have a set of skills in a certain area or areas then it is common sense armchair psychology that you will resist highly flat out stupid suggestions of doing anything less than you are capable of. My skills in Graphics & Multimedia Design and Social Media Marketing could see me earning anything between £20k to £35k a year. Again, it would be a matter for me to reduce my job applications in order to do the necessary preparations for such work. Logical, right? Well, my current “work coax” who is currently bouncing me around other “work coaxes” because she does not know what to do with me even though I have spelled it out for her in an Action Plan document sent to her in PDF form via email. Can you imagine, I have had to do the job of my “work coax” for her and she doesn’t appreciate it??? One massive problem with the concept of “work coaching” is that each and every “work coax” has his/her own method of doing things, which is rather like playing Russian roulette. It just takes one instance of a Tricky Vicky and you are screwed! I call my current “work coax” Stephanie Stepford as in the “Stepford Wife” as she can robotically wax incessantly about nonsense, I just look at her in disbelief… This woman is apparently unable to hear herself… So, now she’s bouncing me around between a couple of different “work coaxes” expecting a different result. What did Einstein say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Einstein Stephanie Stepford will have me applying for as many positions as possible, and she does this without verifying the viability of the applications. I could have applied for a job a brain surgeon and I am sure she wouldn’t have either noticed or question it. The two “work coaxes” that I have been dealing with are different to my usual “work coax” and to each other. One is a male, and his ethos is quality over quantity. However, he still would have me apply for menial jobs. Again, I have nothing against menial work as I have done it in various stages of my life. I know all too well that when you finish such menial work it is hard to come home and work on an online portfolio for example. You come home, cook, watch a bit of TV, you wash up, and then go to bed and do it all over again. In the UK, the Graphics & Design industry has a certain pretentious air about it… How would it look to have Shelf Stacker or Customer Services on my CV? The female “work coach” would have me put a time stamp on my “work search activity” as if I am doing anything meaningful to want to document the time I take to apply for jobs that I stand little or no chance of getting… This substitute for my usual “work coax” is just as useless… As it goes, I think I would have stood a better chance with this substitute male to attain my career goals – even though he comes across as a bit odd… The following text is from an actual email exchange between the male automaton “work coax” and me: - “Hi Blue The details of the 40+ recruitment event I discussed with you are as follows Location: - (Somewhere in London) Starting at 12pm. Please arrive with copies of your CV. Regards” “Hi Male Automaton, Again, we never "discussed" anything. You telling me to go to this 40+ Job Fair event in or face the consequences of a "decision maker" is not really a "discussion", is it? If you look up the word "ultimatum" in a dictionary I think you will be clear on the nature of the conversation you initiated with me earlier. If I am able to attend I will, but I do not see why I would attend this event when in all likelihood I am going to be self-employed pretty soon. Please see the attached communication. I repeat: I am expecting to take on some Graphic & Multimedia Design work fairly soon, and therefore the package (I had to receive a delivery on the day of this ageist job fair) - for my Graphic & Multimedia Design work is paramount. You can't say that I never discussed this factor with you. Regards, Blue Gene” “Hi We did discuss you may not agree but that is your choice. Tomorrow is your choice to attend or not and any consequences that come from no attending that again will be your choice. Regards Male Automaton” “Hi Male Automaton, I see you haven't got a dictionary handy. The clue is in the word "consequences". Essentially you are telling me that I have no choice than to comply in order to avoid the nasty (as implied and interpreted) "consequences". Nice one! Blue Gene” Honestly, I think I should have my very own Dr. Who spin-off… I will be the incredulous Dr. making his way through the Universal Credit Maze and my trustee traditionally female assistant, Jenny – I don’t know why “Jenny” came to mind – will be constantly asking me throughout our adventures (in the Universal Credit quagmire), “Dr. what the F**k? Doctor, What The F**k? Waste of Time, Lord (Have Mercy)! Oooh, I think that’s got a nice ring to it! This male automaton says, “bring copies of your CV” like I have money to put inks in my printer. These “work coaxes” take a lot for granted! THE 1 MILLION EURO QUESTION Here’s the 1 million Euro question: How on Earth is it possible for an unqualified “work coax” to have control over the Jobcentre Plus client's methodology in looking for work??? I know what work I am looking for and I know how to prepare for such work yet I have been prohibited from creating my online portfolio for example. To be fair to my Stephanie Stepford, she gave me some time preparing for the position of a Vegan Chef but the preparation for my tribunal (that I had in July 2017) took precedent! I would have thought, just like you, that Stephanie Stepford would understand that I had to exonerate myself from Tricky Vicky’s lies. Alas, no! Again, it wasn’t about the money so much as the principal. Yes, I can understand there are some people in our society with no skills or qualifications that need a firm guidance but the Universal Credit system of “work coaxes” are not able to discern from such individuals in dire need of intervention from a person like myself who is self-motivated. The “work coax” insists up getting in my way and seriously f**king up my shit as a consequence. And they have the nerve to question me as to why I haven’t found employment yet. Jesus! I signed up for Universal Credit from Working Tax Credit (as I was self-employed) in January 2016 and I am still unemployed now! I can honestly that this is not down to me! This nonsense of the “work coax” presiding over skilled, qualified and motivated people has got to stop!!! THE 2 MILLION EURO QUESTION What will earn me more income, taking up the role as a Graphics & Multimedia Designer or sitting at a desk taking calls in a Customer Services role? As I have said before, I would have changed my job goals in response or no response to my online portfolio. I wouldn’t waste time to keep applying to the same kind of jobs if my online portfolio turned out to be weak/lacking. But at least I would be able to say that I gave it a good go! Moreover, I do not understand why any of the “work coaxes” that I have dealt with haven’t suggested self-employment. I am quite sure that I could earn more as self-employed doing Graphics & Multimedia Designs than I would in stacking shelves in supermarkets, or Customer Services… I would be perfectly happy to supplement my income with such menial jobs in quiet periods as self-employed but I insist upon laying down the foundations for my self-employed ventures. The “work coax” couldn’t give a shit about ensuring that I have the best possible start just as long as I am off his or her books! I would imagine that there is a scoring system – despite what male automaton told me – 100 points is awarded to the “work coax” who gets a client off into any job and I mean any job! 50 points if self-employed without the New Enterprise Allowance Scheme. 25 points if the client does the New Enterprise Allowance Scheme and collects a small grant of around £1,200 that is received on a weekly basis. So, if you needed a costly bit of equipment you’d have to borrow the money. It’s got to be something along those lines… These Jobcentre employees are mostly slimy two-faced people. They say one thing and mean something else right to your face and behind your back, it’s even worse! Every time I walk into the Jobcentre Plus building all eyes are upon me! It’s like they know that I can see them for who and what they are! It’s like the movie “They Live” only I don’t need glasses to see how inhuman they are. They talk within earshot and I sometimes catch a bit of it, “He wants to do something ethical…” laughs. That’s when I had an interest in selling Vegan based vitamins. They whisper in front of me like I can’t see them, they look over at me with fearful expressions on their faces. Tricky Vicky tries to stare me down but she can’t intimidate me. I have her and her “line manager” in my crosshairs. If they don’t right now rue the day they told their nasty lies about me they soon will! THE 3 MILLION EURO QUESTION I have made it abundantly clear that I want to be self-employed, so why on Earth is Stephanie Stepford, like Tricky Vicky, is trying to stop me from accessing the New Enterprise Allowance Scheme??? My alarm bells are ringing off and the tinnitus is killing me! Again, you would have thought that the “work coax” would want to ensure that my business is a success and therefore put me on the right track. Hell, no! Therefore, the Universal Credit Jobcentre Plus (my area) is disingenuous with regards to helping me into employment and self-employment. This is false advertising. AUTONOMY I have worked out that the best way for me to proceed in this dry piece of dog turd that is the Universal Credit system is to become self-employed. It is a bit of a gamble but it is the only way that I can do what I need to do in order to find employment should by business ideas fail. Talking to these freaking “work coaxes” is literally like talking to a dog's hindquarters and expecting a response in the language you are accustomed to. Me? I think I am speaking perfect English to these “work coaxes” and the responses give me the impression that I am speaking anything other than English! It freaks me out! While I insist upon doing the New Enterprise Allowance Scheme, I am going to look into crowdfunding! One thing for certain is that I need a break! I need to stop seeing these automaton “work coaxes” as they are doing my head in! They simply do not make any sense whatsoever! I am inclined to think that this must be done on purpose and there is a campaign at my Jobcentre Plus to bring me down, and that’s not happening! They started this shit and I am going to finish it! In the meantime, I am going self-employed with my Graphics & Multimedia Design and Vegan Cooking skills! They will not get me down! Thanks for reading! Your support is greatly appreciated!